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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel hurt that my DB seems to have forgotten I exist?

2 replies

Permit · 18/07/2018 15:35

I'm the youngest of 4 and live in a different country to the other 3 siblings. Because of the time difference we don't get to talk on the phone very often but I WhatsApp with 2 of my siblings at least once a week, even if just briefly to check in on how they're doing and they do the same with me. But my eldest DB has only messaged me twice in the entire year I've been here, one of which was a three line message to say happy birthday. Every other time I've had to initiate contact, to which he'll briefly respond but then I just don't hear from him again unless I initiate.

When I lived back in our home country we weren't super close (again, mainly because he didn't make much effort) but we saw each other almost every week at family get-togethers and when I left he said he was really upset, cried etc. But since then, nothing. There are definitely no conflicts between us or anything like that - I just think he honestly doesn't even think about me or miss me at all. He and my SIL have always been very wrapped up in each other but now that we no longer see each other in the flesh it seems like he's not bothered to make any effort.

AIBU to want/expect a bit more? I want to raise it with him but I don't know how. I did try and say subtly that I'd like to hear from him more but it didn't seem to have any impact. I know I can't force him to make any effort but should I keep trying?

OP posts:
387I2 · 18/07/2018 15:41

Does he enjoy when you make contact? Maybe it's not super important who makes that call (chat, message, etc). Do you take an interest in his life, ongoing problems etc? Some people doesn't make contact, that doesn't mean they can't be supportive when you get in touch.

Permit · 18/07/2018 17:14

@387I2 he seems a bit indifferent really, as in happy enough to hear from me and to exchange a few lines but then never initiates. Because I don't hear from him it's difficult to keep track of what's going on in his life and he doesn't tell me much. It's hard work, basically, and I don't know if I should even bother anymore.

OP posts:
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