To have lost my temper?

[crispysausagerolls]

Not sure if this is me being completely precious or if it’s justified and would like to know what people think please!

PFB is 11 days old. Had a fairly horrific birth with several sets of stitches and my mother has been living with us to help out. I am still friendly with my ex stepfather, although he and my mother were not together for very long and I was an adult when they started dating (just to confirm it’s not like he raised me). She cannot stand him. My husband is also not a fan of his. He has been hassling me for 2-3 days now to come and visit the baby. The problem is that the days he has wanted to come I have had to sit around waiting for the health visitor and the midwife, and my mother has been here too and doesn’t want to see him. I could have sent her away but I don’t want to be ungrateful given the HUGE amount of help and support she has been to me. Anyway his messages to me have become more insistent, with him trying to say he only wants to drop off a gift. I’ve explained to him I would feel very rude just taking a gift and not inviting him in, so could he please stop pressuring me, but he is repeatedly sending the following types of message: “can I PLEASE just drop round a gift for your son?!”.

Anyway, I have just lost my temper with him and sent a long message explaining that many people don’t have visitors for the first weeks, and that he isn’t being understanding and is actually making me feel very uncomfortable with this level of pressure. He has replied very sulkily and quite angrily and now I am very upset but I am not sure how else I should have handled the situation? And I am kind of more annoyed that he is trying to make me feel
bad about it. AIBU or overly precious? What would you do in this scenario?

i don't know, op i fear i may be too much like you as i need a very clear reason to cut ties with someone who's generally been kind, but then i find lots of people try and push you around about seeing the baby when you have a baby because of their feelings.

If I'd binned everyone that did that both times, I'd have hardly anyone left!

I would probably say look, you do want him to meet the baby (validate his importance) and you'll be in contact when you're more up to it physically. But none of this applies if the comments you laughed off were of a sexual approach nature, in which case you should cut ties!

He seems to feel some kind of ownership over you which is creepy.

Also...I think his sexual interest is clear. And creepy. Look how he tried to poison you against your DP right from the off...he gaslighted you i.e. he lied that your DP didnt seem very keen on you. What a toerag!

He was obviously trying to clear the path...and OP’s subsequent post confirms that he made creepy verbal passes on a couple of occasions is just yuk!

I don’t see how anyone could give this a ‘see both sides’ response. His behaviour is ‘off’, to say the least.

Urgh, that's disgusting OP, he clearly fancies you. You should have cut him off long ago.

My step mum's new DP (so kind of 'step dad' type role) clearly had an interest in me. Unfortunately I was slightly underage. He made comments too, it was vile.

yeah I have to agree based on those comments, you don't make comments about making a great couple to someone you've been the step father of, his boundaries are way off.

Eugh! What he said to you was a pass. I suspect you were caught so off guard and because it was disguised as a compliment you didn't know how to react. A pass it was though without any doubt. What sort of gross, toxic man makes a pass at his own step-daughter, regardless of how long he's had that role? To even consider an intimate relationship with the daughter of your ex-partner - it's the sort of shit that Jeremy Kyle has built a career out of.

Honestly, I think you should take this latest upset as a good opportunity to get him the fuck out of your life.

YADNBU. He's being weird. I would be tempted to say, 'ok, drop it round tomorrow, I'll leave the porch unlocked for you to leave it in, and I'll text you when I'm up for visitors'. He's making it all about the present, so you do the same.

This has been very eye-opening, to see what everyone else thinks! I’m actually annoyed with myself for allowing this to go on for so long. We had similar when we got married and explained we couldn’t invite him as my mother didn’t want it, and had weeks of him being upset, sending messages and threatening to stand behind a car opposite the church so he could see us coming out. Makes me very angry now I think about it. Will have to re-evaluate with him when he gets back in touch and explain how selfish and uncaring his behaviour actually has been.

I wouldn’t bother explaining anything, he’s creepy and inappropriate and you owe him nothing

and explain how selfish and uncaring his behaviour actually has been.

You sound like a really lovely person, who would care about being selfish and uncaring.

He doesn't.

Now that you have spotted it, don't bother trying to explain, just keep your distance.

He sounds potentially stalker-ish!

Yes, agree with PPs. Do not engage or explain. That’s what he wants you to do and you’d end up getting pulled into an endless stupid discourse.

Just avoid and eventually he will drop out of your life.

He sounds like a creep and that maybe he fancies you :/

You sound like a really lovely person, who would care about being selfish and uncaring

Thank you!

Really thank you so much everyone, I feel 100 x better about the situation and much stronger and resolute about facing him and being firm!