AIBU to distrust him?

[suspi]

Name changed for this one. I know AINBU but DH needs his head checked.

Friend Family member has a partner she's been with for approx. 18 months. They have a daughter who is 15 months, she has a son (8) and he has a son (4) he doesn't see anymore because friend banned him when dd was born; whole other issue

Friend was the OW and he left the exwife when friend was three months pregnant. He has domestic violence convictions, is on a programme for support and when friend met him he had an ankle tag.

He alleges to have had £300k equity in family home but signed it all over to ex in exchange for a quick divorce. He now lives in friend's rented house, doesn't have a bank account (apparently his credit rating is shot) and they are running up massive debts on friend's high interest credit cards. He works cash in hand. They had bailiffs there a few months back and friend's mum had to pay them before they took goods.

Friend's house was always immaculate but I went over yesterday and it was a tip- I don't mind mess but it was unclean, curtains were all drawn in the day and it smelt.

I want to walk away from the friendship as I feel he's destructive and friend wouldn't listen to my concerns but I'm close to the two kids and I worry about them- he treats friend's son like shit. DH says everyone has a past and I should be happy for them if they're happy.

So, in short- AIBU to think he's probably a wrong 'un and this will all end in tears?!

Does your friend know the extent of his convictions? (You can apply to the Police under Claire's Law. They won't disclose anything to you, but if they have concerns then they'll go see her and disclose)

Have you spoken to her about how you are worried about how things have changed?

She's aware- she calls his ex (who, as an outsider, seems quite sensible and well rid!) the "psycho bitch" and minimises his behaviour by convincing herself that she's a nutter.

I can't speak to her- she would just freeze me out and I wouldn't want that for the kids- especially at the start of summer hols when her DS is home all day. I thought about speaking to her DS's Dad (he's in the picture but unaware of new partner's past) but she'd know it was me and the outcome would be the same

But at least if the son's dad knew, he could step in, and has more legal options open to him, being the dad, than you do. I would tell him.