Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH unreasonable to put me in this situation?

21 replies

PapaLazarousWife · 17/07/2018 19:07

We're having some building work done tomorrow. Builder has messed us about multiple times with regards to the day this work is being carried out and offered a £100 discount. DH has decided he will be taking off £200 as hes really not happy and has mentioned this in a text message. This message hasn't been acknowledged although builder has confirmed the work is going ahead tomorrow.

He's gone to the bank and drawn the money out minus the £200. My issue with this is that this is his decision but I will be the one making payment because he is working late tomorrow. I've said if he wants to under pay by £200 then he needs to get this agreed in advance or make arrangements to pay them himself rather than leaving me home alone with the DCs in a potentially confrontational and awkward situation.

He's gone off on a strop to draw the extra £100 blaming me for "giving money away", calling me pathetic. I didn't even ask him to go back to the bank, but apparently it's not worth the hassle Hmm.

Anyway - WIBU to insist that it wasn't fair to put me in that situation?

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 17/07/2018 19:09

No, I don't think YWBU. That's the kind of situation that would make me very stressed! Pathetic as it sounds, I really hate confrontation of any kind, and would feel physically sick in the lead up to that conversation.

troodiedoo · 17/07/2018 19:10

Yanbu.

Your dh is being a bit cowardly.

LokiBear · 17/07/2018 19:10

Yanbu. Not at all. If he wsnts to negotiate the discount he should handle it personally.

NellyandKelly · 17/07/2018 19:11

Accidentally on purpose book an important appointment tomorrow around the time the builder will be expecting payment.
Tell DH he has to go home and do it himself. CF! I'd be mortified having to do this myself Blush

Iloveacurry · 17/07/2018 19:12

No you’re not being unreasonable. If your DH was planning to pay the builder £200 less, then HE needs to deal with it, not leave for you to do.

9amTrain · 17/07/2018 19:12

Yanbu. Your DH is a dick for leaving you to deal with it.

Stormwhale · 17/07/2018 19:13

He clearly doesn't want to deal with it himself so would rather leave you to. If he felt that strongly he would deal with the confrontation. It seems to me that he wants to pay them another £100 less, but can't deal with the fallout. Very unfair to pass it over to you!

lostfrequencies · 17/07/2018 19:15

YANBU. I'd be pissed of too. He's putting you in a totally embarrassing situation.

DesignStatement · 17/07/2018 19:16

The builder might be expecting £200 less, so hold the £100 back until he confirms the amount.
I take your point about the awkwardness though.

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/07/2018 19:22

YANBU at all. If he thinks it’s not worth the hassle of contacting the builder to agree the discount in advance then he really shouldn’t think it’s worth the hassle to you of trying to deal with a potentially angry tradesperson face to face.

Original poster
PapaLazarousWife · 17/07/2018 19:26

Oh good, I can see I wasn't being unreasonable to feel unhappy with the situation. That makes me feel a lot better.

DH is absolutely not afraid of confrontation, he works in a job where he deals with it daily and he is also not bothered by awkwardness at all either. I think it was more that he just didn't see why I would feel anxious about it and then has got annoyed with me.

He's now received a text confirming that a £200 reduction is fine so I'm perfectly happy to deal with payment. All I wanted was an agreement upfront! It's a shame the situation couldn't be resolved without "DH" stropping and name calling though Hmm

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 17/07/2018 19:26

What 9amtrain said. I would have told him to pay the money himself.

shoofly · 17/07/2018 19:32

I'm a conflict avoider, whilst DH (big scary looking bloke) doesn't give a crap. I read your post to him, and he says your DH is a knob

category12 · 17/07/2018 19:35

No, you weren't being unreasonable - it was for him to do in this situation.

NorthernSpirit · 17/07/2018 19:46

Your DH is being a coward hiding behind text. He needs to get a pair of balls and call him as otherwise you’ll be left dealing with the fallout. That’s unacceptable as it’s your OH’s decision.

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/07/2018 19:58

Glad it's been resolved. His reaction is fairly unpleasant, though.

Jux · 17/07/2018 19:59

Yes, it would have been outrageous to simply let the builder turn up, do the work and then pay him less than was agreed. Your dh knew damn well that could have landed him in the small claims court, or you with an irate builder threatening it. The builder could have told all his trade mates not to do any work for you and then you'd have been really up shit creek should you spring a leak or something.

Now, it's agreed so it's OK.

tigercub50 · 17/07/2018 20:03

Calling you pathetic is not ok though!

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 17/07/2018 20:16

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy with that situation either. I'd be very angry at his toddler style strop too!

ElevenSmiles · 17/07/2018 20:24

DH sounds awful, no way would my DH treat me like that.

Jux · 17/07/2018 21:50

Well, at least he's a good provider, eh?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page