AIBU - I don't want In Laws to visit

[incredulousandanonymous]

Just had a phone call with my MIL - AIBU for telling her absolutely NOT to her request for her and FIL to visit for two days right before we leave for abroad for a year? As in, they arrive two days before we fly (next week) and leave on the same day we fly.

To give some background, myself, DH and two kids are moving abroad for a year (somewhere far) and while DH has been there for a month already I have been in the UK with kids packing up our rental house to put all our belongings in storage and we will be leaving with one suitcase each.

All our family (both sides) live up in Scotland and we are in London. We have been here for THREE YEARS, during which time the in laws have visited only a few times and most of DH's family haven't bothered. I go up every couple of months with kids and do the rounds so kids can see all family equally and my own parents come down every couple of months as well. I make it clear to all our family, including cousins, BIL/SILS that they are always more than welcome to arrange visits down.

MIL is very disorganised and never plans trips in advance which infuriates me at the best of times but I always accommodate gracefully. I generally get a "oh, so when we arrive tomorrow..." phone call having had no other notice of them arriving.

So, I have a pretty much boxed up house (including all extra bedding!), have most of our furniture for sale on the likes of Gumtree, have social events planned to say goodbye to the kids school friends and my friends between now and next Wednesday. I also work full time from home. I have the logistics to work out of loading a van to take our belongings to storage etc and us getting to airport without adding into it planning around house guests. MIL made me out to be completely unreasonable for refusing her request and couldn't see how having visitors would be an issue at this stage.

AIBU for refusing this visit? Would anyone else consider visiting people right before they make a big move? Got off the phone feeling pretty pissed off, knowing that I will now be being made out to be a dick for this to all family members. What can I say?

God YADNBU!

I think most of your family members will be on your side but if anyone gives you grief just tell them beds and bedding are packed away and there's literally nowhere for them to sleep.

Your MIL sounds like a pain!

YANBU at all, though if you do have a day free then maybe offer that for them to see the DC and give her the link for a nearby hotel or b and b explaining that your house is packed and you are very busy.

Do they want to see you before you go or help in any way? Only way I would say yes would be if they were helping and staying elsewhere e.g. in a hotel, or popping round to say goodbye, sort of thing.

Presumably they want to see you to say goodbye (not that odd a thing to do).

Maybe suggest they stay in a hotel?

Tell them if they come they’ll have to book a hotel and you won’t be able to entertain them as everything is packed and you have plans over that time, they should have planned ahead, my friend’s parents did this to her - booked to come and stay for a week at her house that she’d sold and was moving out of to a city 3hr away, she ended up sleeping here at my house and gave them her bed!! I thought that was crazy, people have no idea sometimes.

Presumably they could have done this a good few weeks ago or even before your dh flew out. You have enough on your plate so yadnbu to say no.

I went up to see all family to say goodbye a few weeks ago. We actually held a big dinner for it!

Unfortunately they do not help. They offer but in reality they don't. They don't interact much with the kids when I say that keeping them busy would be the main help. Instead she will spend around 10 hours a day doing the dishes when we have a dishwasher! Dishes are packed now though...

I just want to put it in a way she will understand that this is genuinely inconvenient for me. At the moment I think she believes that I'm just being difficult.

Apparently the bedding being packed away isn't an issue according to her...I'm not really sure why. They couldn't stay at a hotel or bnb due to price where we live.

I would say it is fine for them to come as long as they stay at a hotel/B&B.

It's understandable they want to see their DGC before you go. It's understandable that you can't host them.

I would respond that at that time you won’t have any furniture, beds, bedding etc and you’re living likely to be in and out of the house completing the last arrangements so probably not the best time for a visit.

Thanks for advice. Have messages DH to explain situation and to say I hope he has my back if this gets brought up.
Pondering sending a politely worded but firm message reiterating what was said on phone but will probably wait till I cool down!

Definitely nbu!!