So this is for traffic and a NC for this.
I think I may be suffering PND.. It comes on in waves so to speak.
Ill try to point out key things that make me think it.. I just don't know what to do.
I have a pre teen dc who when is lovely is great but pushing boundaries Big time since secondary school
Suffered severe depression and anxiety a few yrs ago.
Met DP ( who was a friend for yrs before) and wow my life changed, better than ever. Due to this is slowly came off all meds
Wasn't easy as I hate my job etc and times when that alone nearly made me back on the meds but didnt
We decided to ttc. Which was difficult, saw a specialist and found have issues with both of us and I had to have an operation to help with cysts on ovaries and they found endo and blocked tubes. So bit of a shock. Once healing done was given fertility meds and worked first month.. Amazing and so lucky
We now have a 4m baby.. Who is just fantastic, everyday amazes me.
Dps ex is let's say bloody difficult and just tries to cause trouble all the time. Which puts a downer on us everytime we have his dc.. He took her to court which was 2 month before our baby was due, and even they told her not to be so stupid and immature, ghat they are both dc parents and awarded dp everything and more that he wanted .. So that was stressful!
Anyway. For the last say month I feel like I could just cry!
I make plans and then talk myself out of them
I go from one day having loads to say to dp.. To the next nothing.. Then when he asks if I'm OK.. I just say yes.
I feel drained, all the Time, despite baby being a great sleeper (11-12 hours a night), like my body is a dead weight.
I hate that I have gained 1.5 stone. But don't have the oomph to do something about it. (my fear is I'll end up starving myself like I did before to lose weight an feel in control)
My, pre teen is speaking to us like dirt.. Mainly over the games console and us restricted the amount of time he's on it.. I'm a dick head for that! And trashed his room because his time was up. Resulting in a month ban..
I do pretty much everything for everyone. Don't get me wrong dp would but he works tilk 6 in his employment job. Then often does his self employment job from 8pm-12
Maybe two nights a week.
Even when he hasn't got to go back out by time I wait for him to get in, shower and cook we'd eat so late.
.
He's not lazy by any stretch and if I left the housework for any reason he'd do it.. I just don't.. I feel bad leaving it so I push myself..
I'm due to return to work soon and that makes we wake in the night with panic. A. Because I hate it. B. because I can't bear to leave baby.
If I did, I would have to do the dropping off and collecting the other side of the city on some days.. Causing more stress.
Dp has always said to not return unless I wanted and we'd sort finances. But I miss my friends.
Altho most haven't even bothered to invite me to work 'dos' since being off.
I just generally feel run down and sad generally.. Today I forced myself like most days to take baby for a walk and fresh air.. But it makes me sad that I have to force myself when I should just want to do it anyway.!