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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that an expensive present doesn't actually make up for the lack of effort

4 replies

sharkirasharkira · 17/07/2018 14:08

It was my birthday recently.

It was a bit different from most years for me because I usually take my birthday off so I can do whatever I want for the day but this year dp and I both had to work so I agreed that we would go out for dinner after.

I had also said to him that since I knew he was a bit short on money until pay day that I didn't mind if he didn't get my birthday present until the end of the month.

The day comes and I get nothing at all. Not just no present, but no card, no flowers, not even a happy birthday really. We went out for dinner but he whined for ages because the only car park available at the time was really expensive.

I was really upset because he put no thought or effort into anything to make the day special for me. I didn't care that I didn't get a present. By contrast a family member sent me a parcel with a card and a wrapped up packet of sweets, and I was thrilled.

The next day after work he gave me an expensive present which he had obviously just got or picked up. It was something I needed (not desperately) which I had mentioned in passing but had said I would need to save for a new one.

Aibu to be grateful for the present but also to feel like it was an afterthought designed to placate me after he made no effort on the day. Or aib and ungrateful bitch?

PS: This is not a thread about whether or not adults should or want to make a big deal about celebrating their birthdays. I do want to.

OP posts:
blackbirdbluebottle · 17/07/2018 14:41

YANBU even if he didn’t have any money a homemade card or some free personal touch to make your birthday special should have happened. It sounds like he partially forgot your birthday (or at least forgot the present part of it). Doesn't sound like a keeper! I hope he makes up for it in other areas!

rosesandflowers1 · 17/07/2018 14:44

Maybe he was very overtired/stressed? Not an excuse though - I like to be made a fuss of on my birthday! Grin

He showed a bit of thought in the sense that he didn't just pick up something completely random - he did buy you something that he knew you wanted/needed. So I'd let it go if this is a one off.

Theknacktoflying · 17/07/2018 14:48

What is he like normally? What is he like wrt his birthday?

Did you just silently seethe or have it out with him ...

sharkirasharkira · 17/07/2018 14:49

He did say he wasn't feeling very well on the day, and when we went for the meal.

I understand all that but I would have been much happier if he had just said 'look, I'm not feeling well but happy birthday' and tried to plaster on a fake smile for the couple hours we were out! But maybe he just isn't very good at hiding it.

He definitely didn't forget. I was reminding him about it for weeks and he booked the evening off work for it.

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