To remind my mother she has other grandchildren?

[muz2017]

Semi light-hearted!

Niece is daughter of brother - golden child! My mum will phone me 'oh I love niece so much'. When I'm there with my DS, 'oh niece is the best baby in the world'. And on and on and on.

My friend says she doesn't do it on purpose so just take no notice but WIBU to tell her to STFU?!

My DM was like this with my DB's children (even though two of mine were older and my DS was firstborn grandchild). DB was golden child though..

but the really really annoying thing was that my DGM (mum's mum) used to favourite DB and DM used to say how unfair it was! DGM bought DB a bike once, when DM and he went to stay (I was at another relative's) and DM moaned about how DGM should have bought me something! I was fairly unfazed, because I knew I'd get to ride said bike, but I did feel her favouritism towards DB, which I don't think she even knew she was showing!

As a grandma I would say there’s no excuse for this and she needs reminded whats what!

In the long-term she'll cause damage to her relationship with your son and likely his relationship with his cousin too. :/

I think lots of people actually have a favourite but most have the good sense to hide it.

Your poor DS. Please remind your mother of this. My own DM always preferred my two golden DB. I had a difficult childhood with my family made bearable by my wonderful paternal GM who was able to love her GC equally.
I now have two wonderful DD and now my younger golden brother has his own DD on his way. My Mother firstly expressed her disappointment it was another female GC and then asked if my eldest DD still had a special family heirloom which was given to her at birth by my Mother (it was made by her great-great-GM for my eldest brother who has no children of his own). I couldn't believe the bare faced cheek of her but expect it is just the start of them coming off second best. So glad I live on the other side of the world to my family now (and have done for years).

“All parents have favourites”

They really don't.

I thought that was true, and excused my parent's favoritism by thinking that all parents had favorites, just some denied it, or hid it. I resolved to hide my favoritism better.

Then I had my second, and I realised that it's not true at all. That normal loving parents actually love their children equally. Differently, because they're different people, but equal love. And it dawned on me just how defective my parent was, in not only not loving us equally, but showing they loved us unequally.

I don't have to hide any favoritism, because there isn't any. Except that occasionally my least favorite child is the one that's most recently interrupted me on the toilet.

You can't change the dynamics of your family, all you can do is limit the damage they do to your children

Indeed. When my parent started the same shit with my kids, I went NC.

So, OP, YANBU. Remind her, and if she keeps at it, you'll need to act.

It depends on the kind of response you want/are expecting.

We brought this matter up, expecting a slight change in the way things were done. What we actually got was nothing at all except for a complete denial that any preferential treatment took place at all. Things are no different now except for the huge elephant in the room which emanates resentment and anger. Honestly, saying something was worse because knowing this person isn't willing to change their behaviour makes things all the more hurtful.

@LotsToThinkOf - that's exactly what will happen in my family. Brothers & sisters will rally round saying I've upset my mother and I'm jealous.

It won't end well.

SmellyNelly2018 Not in our family My DD is first born.

And as for my DS . Have they got a grandson?

I never used to speak about it in front of the DC. I cried the first time my DD brought it up. As children get older they will see what is happening.

Grandparents reap what they sow. There's a reason why they rarely see my DC. Adults now so can't be made to visit

OP - it will definitely not end well!

muz2017 I think I'm in your situation about 6 months down the line. It's honestly not really been worth it because yes, the others have rallied round and think I'm jealous. I guess in a way I am, it's unfair that my DCs are pushed to one side and don't have the time and attention that others get. I know my eldest already notices and my youngest barely knows this person. I've just been made to feel guilty and spoilt.

I think that if someone is awful enough to show such blatant favouritism in the first place then they can't be trusted to behave in a sensitive way afterwards. This person is a lovely person normally, I don't understand the disregard they have for my DCs.

For a quiet life I'd say nothing and just behave accordingly. Unless you think she may actually take it on board of course, but it didn't work that way for me. Good luck, I understand how frustrated you must be.

Favouritism should never be displayed!

How about, every time she starts boasting about your niece, add something like 'as is DS too' or something similar to fit the situation. Maybe after hearing it numerous times she might start to realise what she's been doing.

So sad this is so common

Slightly different as not to do with children, but my MIL used to fawn on and on about how great and amazing my BIL’s ex-GF was. It got to the point where it was infuriating and very upsetting to me personally as it felt like she was cutting me down in comparison by never offering a similar compliment. We (well DH) pointed it out to her eventually. Turns out she was saying similar sorts of things about me to the ex-GF, just never in our mutual presence or directly to me, or to her, for that matter. It wasn’t intentional and apparently she wasn’t ever aware she was doing it. She’s a bit shallow in terms of her conversation and somewhat emotionally challenged TBF so I believe in retrospect she didn’t do it on purpose and hasn’t continued since being pulled up on it. Perhaps something similar is going on here? Hope so at least, it’s hurtful, I know.

Oh - and to add to that, my DH is very clearly he golden child so it was quite complex.

I know exactly how you feel except as a grandchild. I was the oldest followed by my brother then our cousin from my dads younger brother... everything was good, they had 3 grandchildren until my uncle thier oldest son had his son and then it was all about him, then his sister came along and so every time we visited for the next 10 years it was did you know so and so is doing this or that. It’s a bit fraustrating when you visit your grandparents and they are too busy boasting about the other 2. My dad told them they were bang out of order which resulted in them arguing and falling out and have only just started speaking properly the last 5 years. It turns out younger cousin is not as perfect as they make out but the boy is still golden child because he was the first of all the cousins to go to uni. He still visits them everyday. I haven’t seen them for 10 years they haven’t met my dd and my DS only saw them as babies.

I honestly don't think she means it. I have texted her today about my son and she's been great and lovely! Maybe I'll gently mention something next time. Wish me luck!