To be upset at inlaws lack of interest

[brightonrocks14]

We live about 6 hours away from DPs family and have a 6 month old DD. I'm pregnant with DC2 and DP told them pretty much as soon as we found out 2 months ago. Last Wed we had 12 week scan and DP sent ILs pic. Not one of them has contacted me to congratulate me or to ask how I am since we told them 8 weeks ago. Not even a text. On top of this I don't think they have shown much interest in DD at all. MIL made it clear when pregnant that she was hoping for a GS as already has 5 GDs. I'll be now realLY upset for DD if she suddenly shows an interest in the new baby if it turns out they're a boy.

That's awful YANBU, I hate when parents and grandparents show more interest in one child just because of their gender :(

We live less than 6 mins walk from ILs and they show very little interest in our DC. My DParents aren't much better, they're about 30 mins drive away. Although if you spoke to either set of DGP you would be under the impression that they are devoted to our DC. You can't make them show an interest, and if MIL does favour a boy then be grateful that they live so far away that her favouritism shouldn't be much of an issue. It stinks, but all you can change is your reaction to their behaviour. If it does become an issue then DH should have a word.

It's madness isn't it..but you can't control other people's stupidity.

My DM has 11 DGC of the same gender and doesn't favour the other 2 in any way whatsoever.

It's their loss but I understand why you're upset for your DD. My grandparents were the same, lived 10 minutes away and couldn't give a toss about any of us. I always envied those kids who were close to their grandparents. Fast forward to the next generation and my parents have made the most wonderful grandparents to my two DSs, despite living 4 hours away.
Some people just don't know how lucky they are. Xx

Ils lived ten mins away and snubbed ds totally. ..
Mil visited in hospital only because dh told her I didn't want visitors, then once to drop Xmas gifts off that didn't include one for ds (mine cost £2.75) and once to see dh (me and ds still in bed so didn't see her).
Fil hadn't seen ds initially so dh suggested a meet up at local shops he knew they were on way to. Fil peeped in the pram and mil pulled him off towards the car now he had 'seen' him - literally!!
Took dh ages to persuade them to have a cuppa in a cafe!!
Dh cried many tears over their attitude.
We are nc now and she sobbed to her friends we had cut her out of ds's life!!
Nc for 3 years, no sharing /fighting over / stressful ils/gps!!
Def the way forward imo!!

Thanks ladies definitely making me feel better about it!! @blackbirdbluebottle a very strong and brave move !!!

Sorry tagged the wrong poster I meant @Readyfortheschoolhols sorry

Given the number of recent threads where DILs don't want their ILs visiting the new baby for x days etc it would appear they can't win.

If the other grandchildren are closer distance wise, then it's natural they will be closer to them as the relationship is easier. Who moved six hours away?

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn I've always lived here, DP moved down here 20 years ago. But I'm not sure how the distance is relevant - as they haven't text or phoned to congratulate me on DC2. Haven't tried FaceTime DD.

My best friend said when I was pregnant with dc2 that no one is really interested after your first. I was horrified, but it’s true isn’t it? It’s shit but as time goes on, it becomes less important.

Have they contacted your Dp?

Both sets of gp live the other side of the world. My parents bend over backwards to make sure their gc know who they are and that they are loved. The ils couldn't even be bothered to keep regular contact, put big shows on for friends about what great grandparents they are but didn't bother sending christmas presents or birthday presents on time if at all and have no idea of who the children even where. The last straw for my dh was fil not even contacting him until 2 weeks after youngest ds was born and then in a one lined email. It was the end in a very long line of cruel behavior by him towards my DH when he didn't agree with there decisions. DS in 20 months old now and they haven't nor will they meet him or have any contact with our eldest dcs.

boxsets there's a pretty wide range of behaviour between showing up at someone's house when they're still sat on a rubber ring trying to establish breastfeeding, and being so uninterested that you don't even text back "Congratulations!" when they send you the scan photo.

Perhaps tone it down a bit. You are sending them scan photos , perhaps photos of your first DD. They can sit back and do nothing as you are doing it all. Smoke them out, stop sending them stuff. No need to go NC. I think nowadays, with Facebook and the like if you see a photo or are tagged into something, then you consider yourself 'in touch'. Its is sad when you see how loving and devoted some grandparents are with their grandchildren, no matter how many they have.

Yup, no one is really interested after your first! Generally my ILs are fab but I’ve noticed a lack of interest in our second.....despite DP being an uncle for 24 years to their children (24years of babysitting, presents, cards, holidays with them, visits etc). I’m just ignoring it at the moment.