To elope??

[Motherwhathaveyoudone]

NC and some details are changed slightly to remain anonymous.

I want to marry my DP more than anything but we can't afford a wedding in the sense of a party, meal etc. I live in DP's hometown about 700 mikes away from my family (who want us to move back near them but we don't want to). We have 2 DC together and live together but I know my family will be really mad to be left out of this special occasion. We were planning on not telling anyone and redo it when we had the money but I don't know how that'd pan out. I just want to marry him, for legalities as well as love but I know everyone would be mad (we're very young). AIBU?

I stay 'very young'; not too young to get married legally (over 18).

How young is very young? What do you and your dp want to do? Do you want the huge wedding/party/meal etc or would you be happy with a registry office and 2 people to sign as witness? You could explain to your family that you don't have the funds for a huge wedding but you could go for a family meal a week or two after the wedding, where everyone pays for their own meal, and take the photographs to show them. Hopefully they will just want what makes you happy, and if being married to your dp makes you happy hopefully it will make them happy too.

Not the same situation but we buggered off and got hitched and it's the best thing.

I did tell my parents before and OHs brother and wife flew out to witness it. They made a holiday of it.

Very good friends in a similar situation to you went to a registry office miles from home and told us all after and had a party.

Do what's right for you - don't do what's expected of you.

Good for you. If you already have two dcs, and live together I’d say that constitutes all the public commitment you need.
I’d nip off to the registry office on a Tuesday afternoon and celebrate with your dcs afterwards.
Having to foot a bill for thousands just because your family want a party really isn’t what matters. They’ll be happy for you regardless.

19&20.

I know it's young but it feels right. Things may not work out but I'm not thinking towards that, I'm putting the effort into making it work. We rent our house but DM and co hate DP 'for what he's done to me' I didn't go to in due to dc and they blame him for that, that and we live near his family and not them.

YANBU. Marriage is about the two of you, Elope if thats what you want! Your family will just have to deal with it.

Are you both working to provide for the children?

What's he "done to you" that makes them hate him?

If it's violence, bear in mind that getting married will make it harder to leave him.

I presume it was getting you pregnant?

Do you mean you didn't go to uni because of your DC and your parents blame your partner for that? If so they are being unreasonable as it was as much up to you as him! But I can see why they might think you're rushing in to marriage at a young age.

Marriage offers legal protections but it also makes it harder to leave if things don't work out. I'm not saying you should plan for your relationship to fail, but is there any harm in waiting for a couple of years? What specific benefits are you seeking from getting married?

You might find that in a year or two your parents will be more supportive, when they see that you are committed to each other. You obviously know already that you are, but perhaps they need some time to be convinced.

Why bother getting married at all if you think Things may not work out?

What has he done to you? Personally I would listen to your mum and dad. 19 and 20 is very young to be getting married - especially when you don't have the support of your parents.

Take your time.

You have 2 children together, that is far more commitment than being married. You are adults with 2 children to support and a home, yes its unfortunate that your parents aren't on side but if getting married makes you happy and provides more security for your children do it in whatever way you want and can afford.

Yes, I became pregnant but that's apparently 'his fault' Hence the hating!

I don't think our relationship won't work however it's not impossible, I'm being realistic. Obviously I really want it to, as does he, and I think it will work but there's a chance that any relationship wont, isn't there?

I'm not sure I see the relevance but I work part time and he works full time to the user who asked.

How long have you been together? whats the issue with waiting a few more years?

Five years, there isn't an issue as such but I don't see why we should feel like we have to or should of that makes sense?