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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Step-parents

3 replies

thetaleunfolds · 16/07/2018 20:34

AIBU to be angry that my mother and her husband have taken to calling him grandpa to her grandchildren even though I have explicitly said that I don't want him to be? AIBU to even insist that he's known to my ds by his name and not grandad? He's a horrible, manipulative man who has been verbally and emotionally abusive to my mum for years and imo he doesn't deserve the title. They married when I was in my late 20s so he didn't bring me up or anything.

Sadly my dad died a couple of years ago and I'm a single mum so my ds doesn't have another grandpa, but it makes me feel sick to my stomach everytime they call him that, and I'm angry that they're going against what I've said I want. He corrects me every time I refer to him by his name to my ds - ARGH!

Her husband gets angry at any mention of my dad (he was the reason my parents divorced years ago) so he obviously feels threatened. Any mention of my dad being grandad to my ds and he will storm out of the room swearing. In addition, he has a daughter who is currently going through IVF and trying desperately to have a child and I feel like he's rubbing it in her face by calling himself grandad to someone elses children. Even at her wedding recently he went around the room bragging to everyone that he had a grandson and she kept leaving the marquee in tears because of it. I was in her position a few years ago trying desperately to have a baby and if the tables had been turned and my mum had acted like that I would have been heartbroken.

I feel that if circumstances were different I would just be happy that my ds had a grandfather figure, but not him.

OP posts:
tenterden · 16/07/2018 20:36

What does your DM say about it?

I wouldn't bother seeing him to be honest, he sounds horrid. Just see your mum on her own.

funinthesun18 · 16/07/2018 20:37

Yanbu at all

thetaleunfolds · 16/07/2018 20:40

My DM is encouraging it and can't understand why I'd be against it. Not that her opinion matters, since she and my dad divorced she tried her best to push him away and make her new partner and her children one big happy family. I think she was almost relieved when my dad passed away because they didn't have to factor him in anymore.

Her mother was remarried when I was born and I wasn't allowed to call him anything but his first name. Yet when I bring that up to her she has no response.

She/they just ignore my wishes and keep calling him 'grandpa' no matter how many times I say no. It's going to tear us apart if I get any more firm with my refusal.

OP posts:
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