Out of order??

[bleepingbleepybleep]

NAME CHANGE

Posting here for quick response, have also posted in Legal.

Ill try and keep it brief but dont want to drip feed,

DS10 dad and I seperated 7 years ago, was a messy break up, hes controlling, paranoid and manipulative. Although he never hit me, he controlled everything I did and if I stepped out of line would scream and shout at me while I would cowerd in the corner. We went to court for access, he was granted supervision at first and slowly over the years has become unsupervised, he is living with parents so didnt have any great concern with contact as he would always be with them overnight. Anyway, he has had many girlfriends over the years, and whenever they broke up would always find out one way or another why, usually because of his behaviour, this time I have heard that the reason he has split up with this gf is because he has hit her and smashed her room up, So I have requested supervised contact, he is denying it, and I dont know what to believe, I dont know about him hitting her, but I do believe he would smash her room up as he would put holes in doors and walls etc when we were together. He is now getting in my head again, telling me im the one in the wrong when all Im doing is, IMO, what any normal parent would do if they heard this info. Am I within my rights to ask for supervised contact or am I being completely out of order?

"I have heard...." you say.

Who from? Were they a reliable source? Were they there when it happened? How do they know about the incident or who told them about it?

I think you need some hard facts and witnesses, otherwise he can wriggle out of any accusations.

The last 4 gf have contacted me through FB themselves to tell me the reasons, This last one has wrote a public FB status about what happened, which of course i have kept and shown him.

I have an ex like this and the best thing I ever did was get a non mol order which named me and my children to keep him away from us all.

If he exhibited that behaviour to you in front of your child then you'd be within your rights to question his ability to parent without losing his rag.

Trust your instincts. Please protect your child from the emotional abuse you know he is capable of.

@MycatsaPirate I did question his ability when we went to court, The courts didnt believe me as the police were never involved, so, thats why there was access given, he always says that in texts too, that i was lieing, thats why the courts didnt believe me. All Im trying to do is whats best for my DS, its so frustrating.

Why would his last 4 girlfriends randomly contact their ex's ex to tell them reasons for split and why do you have them on Facebook?

I'm so sorry op, it's so hard when you want to protect your child. I have a huge history of police involvement, social services and ex in court which is why I didn't have any issues getting the non mol. It also helped that he went off in a rage when he came to contest the non mol and stormed out of the Judge's room. Nothing was said by the Judge but eyebrows were raised.

Has your DS ever said anything about time with Dad? I don't expect you to quiz him (and that would be frowned upon) but I do think a general chat about things with him would be a good idea. Alternatively if he's still in school, ask them as a matter of urgency if they can find time for one of the safeguarding team to talk to him this week before schools break up for summer. This way he should feel free to talk without the possibility of upsetting either parent.

If he seems happy to go and see his dad then I would let him on the understanding that if he wants to come home, he can ring you and you'll pick him up. It's so hard. I fought for a long time to facilitate my kids having a good relationship with their dad but in the end it just backfired massively and he used that to torment them and used to threaten me via them. I just couldn't put them through that anymore.

@Anon12345ABC They didnt, I contacted them, and they replied.-Thanks for your input

@MycatsaPirate DS does seem happy to to see his dad, but then most 10 year olds love spending 6 hours on an Xbox! Im glad youve managed to get away from you ex, if only it was that easy for everyone

You contacted all of his exes on Facebook to find out why they split? That's stalkerish and not normal at all.

@Pause3FuhFuh When you have an ex with history, and are genuinely concerned for your childs wellbeing, you would do anything you can to make sure you have all the info needed before a decision is made about contact. When youve been through it, you can comment. Im not asking for opinions on how or why I know why their relationships broke down, Im asking for advice on what to do with the info I have now, but thanks

"When youve been through it, you can comment."

How rude. You can't possibly know what Pause3FuhFuh has been through .

Thanks anon