To feel so alone?

[NellyandKelly]

For the last month I have been in and out of hospital with an ectopic pregnancy, going through the hells of methotrexate, and then finally being wheeled into surgery to have my tube removed as it had ruptured.

I have been home a week and just one person has come to see me. I haven't seen anyone other than my DH or doctors and nurses, and just one of my friends, in over a week.

I feel so alone. None of my siblings have come to see me (I'm always the first one looking after them) and other than some flowers from another friend, I've had no support from anyone. I thought I had a good group of friends and I'd always do whatever I could for all of them. Am I being selfish to think someone would care or offer some kind of support? I don't know whether it's just the after effects of everything making me feel so down. AIBU?

First of all, have some flowers 💐 you have been through a really shit time recently. Is it possible though that your friends are like me and are worrying about intruding? I know when a friend was ill I was really worried that I would be in the way if I called in, and then when I was housebound for a bit she was the only one to come and see me. (not even my mum or sister visited) we talked about it and she said that she remembered how isolated she'd felt, and that was why she'd made such an effort with me. If I were you I'd ask some of them if they would be free to drop in for a coffee at some point because you're feeling out of it.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Is it possible that people want to visit but they may be worried about what to say? I hope that doesn’t come across as simple minded but some people may feel they can’t find the “right” words to say to you about your loss.

Sorry for what you are going through

I think the ‘worry they’re intruding’ theory is used by lots as an excuse. If you can’t be running to the hospital to support a sibling or good friend over something like this, then what is it all for? How hard is it for someone to say “I’d like to come and see you, are you up for visitors?”

Ah OP I really feel for you. I was in your shoes this time last year and it's horrid.
I found people kept their distance bc they just felt too awkward. They didn't know what to say. The whole experience made me realise how much of a taboo pregnancy loss still it. People simply don't know how to respond... it was more their issue, not mine xx

I think methotrexate can make you down, something to do with folate? might be worth trying a vitamin with folate? Kind thoughts, DH takes it.

How are you OP? Been thinking about you x

Thanks for all your kind messages. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment, just randomly bursting into tears every now and then.

I had texts from my sisters eventually... both to ask to borrow money, not even asking how I was. Our parents passed away some time ago so I'm 'mum' to them, so I should be used to this by now!

I'm the first one to help someone else and now I'm feeling like perhaps I should be a bit more selfish, after this whole experience. But like some people said, perhaps my friends just don't know how to react or what to say. They all got together at the weekend and asked if I wanted to come (I said I couldn't leave the house yet, hoping they'd offer to come see me instead).

Oh well, onwards and upwards. I'm going to try and get back into work tomorrow as I feel like being cooped up is making me go a bit crazy!

Take your return to work Slow and steady OP. I’m sorry your siblings haven’t responded in a decent manner. I feel their actions are selfish especially as they must know what you have just gone through.
If you feel you need to cry, I think it’s best to let it out. Keep talking on here if this helps you. It may help you to move forward eventually. Hope things improve soon, God bless you.

Couldn’t read and Ron. I’m so sorry for your loss op. I had an ectopic pregnancy a while ago. I also felt very alone. People just didn’t know what to say or were worried about saying the wrong thing I think. An ectopic Pregnancy is tough, you’re healing emotionally and physically. We had friends cross the road to avoid us, I was devastated and found this almost has hard as the ectopic itself.

Please have a look at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust, they have fantastic onlone forums and this is where I got the most support. It is very well run and everyone understands what you are going through.

My very best wishes to you op

Been thinking of you. It's hard when you have to be the responsible one. If I were you I'd try to be clear about what would help. You say that you were hoping your friends might offer to come to you. I know it's hard, but could you be blunt about that - eg could you contact your friends again and say something like I'm really sorry I wasn't up to coming out. I'd love to see you - do you have time to pop in for a catch-up?