To ask opinions on DCs form teacher repeatedly telling them she hates them?

[Battlingthrough]

Aibu to this this doesn't improve behaviour and just damaged the relationships she has that are positive and just leads to resentment?

This is not a teacher bashing thread, I used to be a HLTA and know how tough teens can be but this isn't the first time this has been said and actually one of my dc has come home upset by it.

Apparently one of the good kids in class even piped up that that wasn't fair as most of them did as they were told and had completed the thing she had asked them to.(which was a survey for another company and not school related anyway Seemingly) and was apparently told they were part of that form (so collective hated seemingly)

I have lots of challenging clients I don't particularly like but I don't tell them that!

Prepared to be flamed and called a snow flake!

*think

It's really not acceptable for a teacher to be telling pupils she hates them. That's an inappropriate level of emotion for a teacher to express towards a pupil. I would be raising this with the school.

If the class feel upset/penalised presumably she's not saying it in a jokey way?

In which case no, YANBU. At best it sounds like she's lost control and needs some support.

What, the teacher said ‘9b, I hate you’?
I’m struggling to believe this. Who said what?

I am a teacher and you are absolutely not being unreasonable!

I would never dream of telling a class/my form/an individual that I hate them! To be honest, hate is rather a strong term as well!

I have classes/pupils that at times can pose challenges and I am not saying I never feel frustrated but it is my job as an adult to manage that and look at why the class is behaving in this way e.g. they don't understand the work.

Telling them she hates them will just make the relationships break down.

I would speak to the head of year and let them know what has gone on.

Etino my dc are usually pretty reliable tbh and not usually in trouble.

Allegedly she was shouting at them because some weren't doing what she asked. She told the form she hated them, one of dc friends piped up that that wasn't fair because they had done what they were asked and teacher told them they were still part of that form.

God excuse the awful grammar and structure, I am usually literate just way too tired.

I have a child with low self esteem and confidence following poor education experience elsewhere so they are actually being bothered by this.

surely it was a joke? not that it would be an appropriate joke anyway! I can't imagine telling any child I hated them, let alone a group who I am supposed to provide pastoral care to. I don't think in 13 years of teaching that I have even thought that I hate a student and I have had plenty that drove me nuts! I love my form, in fact a lot of them are off on trips that left this weekend and I have (ridiculously) been waking up worried about some of them!

Thanks Pumpkin that is helpful to hear from a teacher. Again I'm not teacher bashing in the slightest, I couldn't teach teens I don't have the patience!

It could be done as a joke. We had a teacher who used to mutter things like "I hate children", "Someone once asked if I liked children. I said only on toast", "You're all horrible", and we knew it was entirely joking and were totally comfortable with him. Occasionally someone would answer back and give as good as he gave.
The time you worried about his mood was when he was silent or being very polite. Then you knew you really were in trouble.

They were being shouted at at the time so not sure it was a joke. I would like to think so.
I would like to speak to the teacher themselves rather than go above their heads at this point but am not quite sure how to ask them if they hate my child.

Maybe "DD felt a little unsettled/upset by your remark and I was just calling to reassure that you of course don't hate her!" followed by a laugh.

That way you don't come across as confrontational or go over her head, but she'll probably get the message that it wasn't the wisest thing to say.

If there's future problems then you'd have to contact the school.

Is she going to have the same form tutor next year?

If yes, then bring it up. If no, then it’s probably not worth it for the sake of a few days?

They had the same form teacher last year, at the start of the year they had someone else as their form was split. The form teacher they had then was amazing and boosted my child's confidence massively but left so they were merged again. :(

I'm a teacher and like others have said would never tell a class I hated them. I have never had a class I've hated and I can't think of an individual child, either - however challenging they've been. And shouting is futile and exhausting.

I have a good relationship with my form of Y10s - who frequently leave shouting 'Love you' and I shout back 'Love you too' which makes them laugh or occasionally I shout 'Not enough!' or 'Of course you do' or something equally ridiculous.

Occasionally I've had a student say, 'Mr so and so hates me' and I've said, 'I'm not surprised. I'm not fond of you either' with a grin - but ONLY to older pupils I know well and who I have that kind of relationship with. Form teachers should boost your confidence - it's part of your pastoral role to keep an eye on your form. I would be speaking to the form teacher to say your child was upset and you are concerned.

Many years ago my DD was in a Y2 class with more than its fair share of challenging characters (I was a parent volunteer for a while so I know they could be little gits).

They had a young NQT who apparently regularly cried and told them they were horrible children and she hated them all. She then quit teaching for good.

Sounds like your DC's teacher is going the same way OP.

I wonder whether the teacher is at the end of her tether at the end of a tough academic year. Teachers are human and sometimes the pressure can be too much. My FIL used to be a teacher of teenagers and he had to resign following constructive dismissal because of a bullying Headteacher. He ended up having a nervous breakdown.

I would be inclined to reassure your DC that it won't be the case that the teacher hates them; teachers are human and have breaking points. It's nearly the end of term so it will blow over during the summer holidays. If she continues shouting like this in the next school year, and it's not a one-off, then you should approach the head of year about it IMO.

It isn't the first time it has happened sadly Lizzie as I said initially. That said the fact it might be a teacher at the end of their tether is the reason I'm asking for advice here not bouncing into school atm.

I think if it wasn't th

If it wasn't the very end of the academic year, I'd say you should pursue it with the head of year. But the summer holidays might help this teacher reach a better place.

It's a difficult one, though, as in no way can a teacher be justified in telling children in his class that she hates them.

My younger daughter spent the whole of year 5 and 6 hearing that her class with "difficult", "the worst behaved in the school" etc etc. It was true, to be honest. I was volunteering in the school at the time and her class was known to have a lot of children with behavioural problems. But I really wish I had acted sooner to get her out of that situation because hearing those messages over and over again did have a big effect on her confidence. She is just finishing year 8 and is more settled but still doesn't really believe she can succeed at school.

I've had classes say, "Miss, you hate us, don't you?" and I have declined to strenuously deny it, although I've never confirmed it, obviously, and actually have never 'hated' a class - I've hated teaching them. Are you sure they haven't been goading her and she has gone, "Yeah, yeah, of course, I hate you"? It seems extreme for a teacher to say she hates the children she teaches and, no, if she has said that then YANBU.

If true then it's completely unacceptable. I think I'd be wanting to speak to someone at school about that.

Back in 80s , last week in school, teacher we'd had for every yr in secondary , told class she'd always hated us. Didn't come as surprise

Bring it up with the head if only because that teacher might be struggling to cope and need some support.

Well I'm not entirely sure if the teacher is on Mumsnet as my dc said she has apologised immediately this morning. I'm pretty sure dc is genuine about this as they contacted me to ask me what I had said to her.

I won't be taking it further now but as I said it did bother me for reasons AChickenCalledKorma explained.

I actually hope she's okay. On the rare occasions I've had dealings with her she hasn't seemed like the kind of person to be nasty for the sake of it (although I had plenty of teachers who were nice to parents and awful to us as kids) but I've also seen her take on trolls on schools social media.

Anyway it's done with now as far as I am concerned so will just keep an eye on things next year.