to let work and past failure defeat me

[plantofail]

I'm a graphic designer, work for myself - no employees. I've had all-but a breakdown over the last couple of years and have completely run-down my business as a result.

This was partly deliberate because I couldn't cope with all the work, but over that time I let a lot of people down, which I'm not happy about.

The problem now is I am in a place where I feel like I can start rebuilding, but every time I'm about to get started I freeze. I don't feel like I can push for new business when I've under-performed in the past, almost like it's unfair on any customers. Where I haven't let people down I do a good job and people are very happy with me.

I guess I'm sort of venting - and procrastinating. But any advice would be welcome.

How do I stop letting past failure prevent me from succeeding in the future?

Is being self employed the right choice for you? Would you be less stressed as an employee?

Thanks Spaghettijumper. It's something I've thought about, although the idea of commuting to work every day isn't something I fancy: although I do accept there are times in your life where you just have to suck it up and get on with it.

I've been employed (as a designer) in the past, for a bit under a year, and I really didn't enjoy it.

In theory I should have a perfect life: I have skills that enable me to work from wherever I want, to get up early and be finished by lunchtime if I fancy. It should be an absolute dream life, but it just doesn't seem to come together.

Your suggestion does make me wonder if some part time work might be a good idea - maybe two or three days a week in an office, but a bit of freelance outside that. It might add a bit more structure to life.

Maybe. I'm self employed. It can be great - the flexibility is fantastic, the money is good etc but it does require a lot of focus and initiative. It sounds like you did have that sort of focus once but at the moment you're feeling worn out and unsure, so part time work might help to get you back in the swing of things.

Also it sounds like, if and when you do get back into being self employed, you need to be able to say no to work and take control of your time more carefully so that you're not getting overwhelmed.

Working from home or on your own isn't mentally great for everyone. It might be healthier to join a company - the structure and team expectations not to mention the company of working with others might be what you need to perform at your best.