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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant after miscarriage... AIBU to be utterly terrified?

14 replies

CobaltRose · 16/07/2018 09:42

Hi everyone.

My first pregnancy sadly ended in a missed miscarriage back in April. I was supposed to be 12 weeks, but a scan revealed baby had died at six weeks. I had no signs anything was wrong, aside from some very light spotting at 12 weeks. I had to have an ERPC and it was a horrific experience both physically and mentally.

Three weeks ago (June 26th), I discovered I was pregnant again. I'm now six weeks, which is the time that bean died last time around Sad I'm overjoyed and being pregnant again, but also terrified of another loss.

I keep checking for blood whenever I go the loo, and at first I was constantly testing to make sure they were still positive (though I've stopped that now as it was getting expensive Grin).

Looking back in hindsight, I wasn't getting many symptoms last time, and this time around I'm getting way more, but I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything Sad

I'm not even allowing myself to get attached to this little bean for fear of losing it. I feel like I can't relax.

I've booked a scan next week for when I'll be seven weeks, and I'm so excited but also so scared we'll get the same news we got last time.

I'm a hot mess, basically Grin

OP posts:
dingdongadingding · 16/07/2018 09:43

I had a miscarriage in July last year. Horrendous failed medical management then d&c.

Fell pregnant in September and now have a 6 weeks old Smile

Just try to be positive

ichifanny · 16/07/2018 09:45

Pregnancy after miscarriage is so stressful constantly on pant watch and analysing every little thing , ask your GP to get the EPU to do a few reassurance scans to keep you calm my local one was very supportive and try reassure yourself that nothing you do causes the miscarriage and the majority of pregnancies carry to term xxxx

Justanothernameonthepage · 16/07/2018 09:50

I had a similar situation and was a nervous wreck throughout my following pregnancy. (Successful). I found that the nerves/anxiety were still there during the one after, but I was very open about my anxiety and previous miscarriage with midwife/medical staff and that helped a lot. My second successful pregnancy was not smooth- but by being clear and out loud about my fears (instead of trying to suppress/ignore them) took away their power. I also paid for an harmony test so that if there were signs that the pregnancy was likely to prematurely end, I'd be able to prepare.

ReallyExhaustedLlama · 16/07/2018 09:50

I’ve been there, and it is really hard, it does sound like you are struggling a lot and perhaps a chat with a counsellor would help you cope with the mix of emotions.

Sounds like you had a traumatic time with the ERPC which will leave you feeling very vulnerable and at risk and therefore heightening these feelings of fear.

Sadly miscarriages are very common but equally successful pregnancies after miscarriage are also more common so try to keep positive.

Please try and talk to someone in real life whether privately or through your GP.

Original poster
CobaltRose · 16/07/2018 09:51

Thanks to both of you Flowers

Unfortunately my local EPU won't offer early scans on the NHS unless you're bleeding/in pain OR you've had three previous losses.

The scan I've booked is private, but it'll be worth the money to see little bean ❤

OP posts:
ichifanny · 16/07/2018 09:53

Definitely worth getting private scans if you can afford it I got a private one at 16 weeks which was an anxious time for me , once I was over 20 weeks I started to feel less anxious .

Original poster
CobaltRose · 16/07/2018 09:53

Sorry, cross post!

Thanks Llama. I'm naturally quite an anxious person anyway, so the councillor idea is a good one.

OP posts:
Lottie2shoes · 16/07/2018 09:56

I'm also in your shoes. Had my last loss back in December. 7 weeks now and doesn't help that i barely have any symptoms and suffer from constant backache.
I am also very anxious and constantly knicker checking. I am also very emotional.
Chatting to a cousin yesterday and burst into tears when she asked me if i was pregnant. I must have looked a right sight cos i had full on make up on. Had to explain that I'm really worried how this one will go. Wasn't going to tell anyone I'm pregnant yet either till 12 weeks but hey ho. Hope it goes well for both for us

Hidillyho · 16/07/2018 10:01

It’s completely natural that you would be worried. As the (unhelpful) saying goes - worrying is like trying to solve a math problem by chewing some gum.

I had 2 friends pregnant at the same time last year. One was getting loads of symptoms and the other had none. The one who had none sadly lost her DC at a similar time that you did and the other one went on to have a full pregnancy so having symptoms is a good sign compared to having none.
Good luck with your pregnancy Flowers for you

Mousefunky · 16/07/2018 10:02

Sorry for your loss Flowers.

I had two missed miscarriages last year at 11 and 12 weeks. With the second one I didn’t even have any spotting and I didn’t have red bleeding or pain either time so it was even more terrifying in that sense- the fact I had no idea anything had gone wrong twice.

I’m now 24 weeks with a healthy boy. The anxiety never fully goes away but it definitely gets much easier, especially after the dating scan and once the first trimester is over. The first trimester is miserable for many reasons, symptoms and the worry so I’m sure you’re counting down the days till it’s over. Good luck, hope all goes well for you this time.

Hidillyho · 16/07/2018 10:02

On saying that, I had no symptoms till 13 weeks so no symptoms doesn’t mean that the pregnancy hasn’t lasted

melonthehippo · 16/07/2018 10:03

I’ve been there- currently feeding my 13 week old who arrived after one mmc and a chemical pregnancy. It is SO hard. I agree with trying to find someone to talk through with, it will help. I don’t know if I ever fully relaxed to the extent I did with my first dc, but it got easier after the 12 week scan, then easier again after 20 weeks. All the best to you Flowers

MrsMattMurdock · 16/07/2018 10:12

I'm lying next to my napping 7 week old. I had a horrific medical management and then ERPC in 2015 and a straightforward ERPC in 2016, following MMCs. The first was so bad I ended up with panic attacks and anxiety and 2 months off work, having never suffered a moment's mental ill health previously. So this pregnancy was hard work. I recommend making a point of sharing your fears honestly with whoever you think best. I found that as I cleared one hurdle (eg a scan) I would then start worrying about the next. I bought nothing until I was 36 weeks and even when I actually gave birth I was slightly in shock that I actually had a baby! I found that talking to someone who understands how the anxious brain works really helped, because most people just kept saying "statistically you'll be FINE!" which didn't really help! And at the end of every day at bedtime I would say to myself "there's another day done and everything is fine". I think having symptoms is a good sign by the way.

Purpleprickles · 16/07/2018 10:25

I'm really sorry for your loss. I've been in the same position. I don't think I really began to relax until the 20 week scan and even then I still didn't allow myself to get too attached until dd was born. I did get things ready but nothing was out, just ready in bags for her arrival.

Be kind to yourself as it is an anxious time and talk to your midwife about your feelings. Mine was really supportive.

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