Moving and scared

[Smilingthru]

Hi All,

Not really an AIBU but you guys offer good advice so figured it’s a good place.

DH has been promoted at work. Great! DC 2 due in 11 days and promotion means I can be a SAHM until I choose to go back to work. Promotion also means financially we are sorted and will have no money worries at all and be able to save lots and lots. Another great! His company will also pay for a new car which I will have (DH will take mine and il get a big family car).

The big downside is that it means relocating; 2hrs away!!! I’m petrified!!! DC1 is 2.5 and when we move DC2 will be 3/4 months!! I will literally know no one! I won’t know the nearest shops, parks and won’t have a single friend!

We currently live 2 mins from my Parents and 10 mins from my DSis and DN. I see them most days so the thought of leaving all of that scares me! The thought of being alone scares me!

DH has said I can come back as much as I like (thinking fri-sun once a month) plus parents have said they’ll visit. Money means we can get a house with spare rooms for visitors etc.

I’m excited about all the opportunities I can give our children by being a SAHM and knowing we’ll have funds for days out and holidays but every time I think about leaving my family I cry!

So as to not drip feed. DH and I have been together 10 years. After 6 months together I was offered a job in my university town. DH quit his job, left his house, family and friends and moved 3.5 hrs away so I could take my job! We were there for 4 years before coming back home. He’s never held this against me and so i guess I feel it’s my turn. DH has said move would be for 3-5years before next promotion so an end is insight.

Any thoughts of comments please to help settle my mind?!

Thanks
X

You will be fine.

Your kids are the perfect age for groups, join many and figure out which ones you like best.
I moved too when my son was 3, knew no one and 5 years later I have loads of friends.
Good luck

Go for it, think you'll regret it if not.

I agree that kids ages make it a perfect time to move. Go for it.

I live about the same distance away from my mum and I do sometimes get envious of other people who have parents close by BUT that’s a fleeting thing. My mum isn’t able to visit us but I phone her regularly and email photos etc and the kids are really close to her.

2 hours isn’t really that far at all. Totally doable and your kids will be great ages for going to toddler groups etc where basically everyone is trying to carve out new friendships.

Thanks everyone. I have already thought about toddle groups etc and will most likely need to join a slimming group to rid the baby weight!!! So hopefully il make friends. I guess it’s the initial few weeks/months when I’m alone that scares me!! X

OP you will be fine.

Have a look on Hoop and sign up to some baby groups, you will meet lots of mums there and they tend to be a friendly bunch!

Also find out where your local children’s centres are.

Do you have any hobbies that are not child related ? (Am dram, singing, art, sports?) you could also join some clubs and look at meet ups too.

Good luck!

Do you need to move 2 hours. Would he be prepared to travel in so you could be nearer family? Think of places you could meet up in between. Are there colleagues with families who could help orientate you.

You’ll be fine - best time to move imo is when the kids are young as it’s the key time for you to break into new groups and meet new friends. It’s not so easy once your dcs have left primary. Similarly for them it will be easier as they will be settled in new area with nursery friends before starting school. Good luck!

Do it. I thought you were going to say “trouble is it’s in the US/Australia/China. Two hours is nothing.

I wonder if your anxiety over this has come because you are just a few days away from giving birth. This situation is absolutely not as bad as you currently feel it is.
Two hours is nothing, I commuted twice a day for longer than that when my children were little.
Having children means you will make friends really quickly, you will need to put yourself out there a bit, but choose an area that is busy with other young mums and you will be fine. I wonder if,seeing your DM and DSis every day, means you have not had to make friends where you are, or at least at the same level as others have?
Concentrate on the massive benefits that the additional money is bringing to your family, I would have moved continent to have had the chance to be a SAHM, so just grab this opportunity and enjoy it.
I hope things go well for you.

Give it a go! I've moved loads of times and it's easiest to do when you've got young children and you're a SAHM. (And it's exciting to explore a new place.)
You're around in the day to actually bump into other people- mostly other mums and older people- and you can go to every baby group going. And you've also got your DH.
IMO it's much harder to make friends when you move somewhere completely on your own to work. It's hard to meet people outside work.

Thank you! I think you’re right. Being this close to birth isn’t helping!! Plus my work have been horrific which has raised my stress and anxiety levels massively! When I remove all that I’m really excited!!

I have friends up here but people I went to school with so have known them for a stupidly long time! I never had to do making mum friends with DC1 because I already had friends if that makes sense??

I know it’ll be ok but it is scary! Thank you for all your advice!

Post another thread with the title being the town you're moving to. Ask lots of questions and get opinions on areas to live etc.

Things to consider:
School catchment area
distance to parks, swimming baths etc
GP, supermarket, toddler groups
Anything else important to you

Can you rent for 6 months whilst house hunting, or will this add to the stress?

Consider having one night a week where you do something for you like an exercise class or sewing class, something where you might meet new friends.

Have a housewarming with his colleagues and partners to get to know them

Good luck x

Post another thread with the title being the town you're moving to. Ask lots of questions and get opinions on areas to live etc.

Things to consider:
School catchment area
distance to parks, swimming baths etc
GP, supermarket, toddler groups
Anything else important to you

Can you rent for 6 months whilst house hunting, or will this add to the stress?

Consider having one night a week where you do something for you like an exercise class or sewing class, something where you might meet new friends.

Have a housewarming with his colleagues and partners to get to know them

Good luck x

You will be fine - babies help friendships

That must be some pay rise!
Bigger house
No return to work
Lots of savings

Well done

It really is!! Which is why we can’t afford to not take it! I am aware of how very lucky I am.

DH is really good and has already started researching. Initially we plan to rent for a year and rent our house out up here then decide whether to sell and buy or continue renting. I dont think I could do a house sale with a new born and 2.5yr old plus moving!! Also DH will move down a month or two before us and commute back at weekends so il be doing most of the moving alone. X

Just for perspective, all my relatives live overseas. Until I moved to this country, we all lived in the same city and saw each other frequently. Being only 2hrs drive from my mother would have been/would still be amazing now. DH's parents live about 10miles/25min away. We have a great relationship with them and they gladly help out if we ask but we don't necessarily see them even once a week.

Having a young family will make it easy to meet people in your new area - up thread there are good ideas on how to do this - and having spare bedrooms will make it easy for your relatives to visit.