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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be terrified of an upcoming hospital stay- the hospital, not the op

24 replies

Namechangedterrified · 15/07/2018 17:33

Name changed for this. I'm posting in the hope any others who have felt like me- scared of a hospital stay- can give me any tips on how to cope.

I'm due to have major surgery soon and will be in hospital a minimum of 5-7 nights, more depending on exactly what happens. I am absolutely terrified but perhaps not for the usual reasons. I'm apprehensive about the surgery itself, the anaesthetic, the unknown in that until the surgeon gets in there they won't know exactly what needs to be done. HoweverbI am most scared of the actual hospital stay- I'm already losing sleep worrying about it.

Concerning me most is the complete lack of privacy- sharing with at least 3 others, the ward rounds at the end of the bed openly discussing very personal details in earshot of others (archaic but I know this is how ward rounds are done in this hospital), the fact that curtains are not walls- everything can still be heard, sharing a bathroom- the surgery I am having means I need immediate bathroom access, I will not be able to wait. I'm a private person, this is my idea of absolute hell. My last hospital stay I cried everyday and begged to be discharged as I simply couldn't stand another minute in there.

I'm worried about pressing my buzzer for help and no-one answering for ages. My last hospital stay in this same hospital I witnessed an elderly lady buzz for the loo and her buzzer was turned off with a nurse promising to come back- they didn't. Woman buzzed again and it took 20 mins for anyone to come. I am not exagerating, 20 mins. The lady soiled herself. I was too ill to be able help her or get help. I'm having bowel surgery and have been warned once my bowel works again it will be liquid and urgent (sorry tmi!)- if no-one comes I will soil myself. Given the above mentioned privacy issues I am seriously struggling to cope with this. The utter indignity of it is more than I can bear.

Also of concern- I will be exhausted and will not want to be woken up at 7am for breakfast. I'll not be eating so I don't want to be awake! Once I am eating, I will be on a restricted diet (due to the surgery) which the hospital poorly cater for and will need to eat little and as and when I feel able- again hospitals do not cater for this, they have set, strict mealtimes.

So as not to dripfeed I am a nurse. You know what they say- nurses make the worst patients! I have worked on hospital wards, I appreciate first hand just how busy the staff are and how restricted they are in terms of what they can do and when. I don't accept however the lack of privacy when discussing patients- my last ward was fantastic, no ward rounds at the end of the bed discussing patients in front of other patients. The ward I worked on has a great reputation but even then we were short staffed, ran off our feet, patients were in bays, set meal times etc. We tried our very best to let patients rest as much as possible but early starts are inevitable.

I am trying to "suck it up" as I know I have no option but be in hospital, I'm trying but I am so fearful of the whole stay. How have others coped with this?

AIBU to be this terrified? AIBU to think hospitals are really not a conducive environment to recovery?!

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 15/07/2018 17:50

I know how you feel, I hated being a patient, the food was disgusting, I seemed to be allocated the noisiest bed in the entire hospital, the sister got all shitty when I asked to speak to my anaethatist about pain control, I persuaded the doctor to let me go home early. We as staff used to be nursed in siderooms by senior staff only as some sort of respect and privacy but times have changed, some staff seem to not want to look after hcps. Are you working in the same hospital as where your having your op. Will you have a pre op assessment, if you're on a gastro ward they will be used to people needing the loo and special diets, ask to keep the curtains drawn in the morning and say you won't want breakfast, there's no reason you can't have something at 9am. I agree some wards are not conducive to a good recovery, but don't be terrified, you'll be out of it for a while post op. Ask for sleeping tablets, decent pain control, earplugs, eye masks, take a book or ipad, youll be home before you know it Flowers

yawning801 · 15/07/2018 17:54

Oh OP. I should be able to answer this, considering my previous operations, but I honestly can't. I just bricked it. I'm sorry, I know this isn't helpful in the slightest. Best of wishes to you though.

Bluelady · 15/07/2018 17:54

Is there the option of paying for a private room? I spent one night on a six bay ward after being by myself in a two bed room with an ensuite when I had my gallbladder out. That one night was hell. I've sworn I'll never do it again if it costs every penny I own to avoid it.

marylou1977 · 15/07/2018 18:04

Do you have any nurse friends that could “special” you and provide some private duty care for a day or so until you are feeling better?

Annab1983 · 15/07/2018 18:11

Do you know the actual ward you will be on? If it’s bowel surgery patients would you have your own loo? Is a side room possible?
I hate hospital stays too, I find the lack of privacy extremely traumatising. However different wards might be different? I know my postnatal stay was much better for privacy than the trauma ward I found myself on not long after..
I recommend ear plugs, headphones for listening to something distracting and keeping curtains closed if possible (and dont feel forced to keep them open unless you are critical) and feel free to buzz as much as you need given the particular issues involved..
be vocal about your needs as you say staff are very busy and may appreciate a little prompting as opposed to having to instantly recall multiple patients and their issues, eg nil by mouth no need for early wake ups however that’s recorded.. hopefully it is a quick stay for you, wishing you the best of luck with your surgery!

IntercontinentalButtCrack · 15/07/2018 19:19

I sympathise. Not a thing one can look forward to except in that once it's done it's done.

Lots of good telly on an iPad plus good over ear headphones
Story podcasts
USB multi plug and long extensions to reach the plug sockets behind the bed
USB powered fan unit
Box with open top to keep all your bits in without getting in a mess on your tray table
Tempur eyemask - v comfy and effective
Proper earplugs, lots of them so you're not stuck if you lose them

Meditation podcast to help you when it gets tough
Messenger group of sympathetic friends to whom you can rant about the noisy fucker in the next bed.

MyNameIsFartacus · 15/07/2018 19:37

I work as a HCA on a ward that specializes in urology/bowel stuff. Is there the option of a side room? Are you employed by the trust where you're having the surgery - I know that when we get staff members admitted to the ward where I work, they get priority for a side room. There are plenty of loos where I work so nobody ever realistically needs to wait. If somebody wants privacy and isn't a falls risk, and is in the bay, usually we'd be happy for them to keep the curtains drawn. You could ask for them not to do your handover at the end of the bed - in the corridor perhaps?

HoleyCoMoley · 15/07/2018 19:54

I wouldn't ask for handover in the corridor, that's breaking a lot of confidentiality rules. They can have handover in the office and then come to see you. Keep the curtains closed as much as you like as long as you are safe, you know how it works. There's no reason why you can't ask to speak to the doctors in their office or in a quiet room. You'll be fine.

hendal · 15/07/2018 20:01

I sympathize OP. I stayed in hospital for 7 nights 3yrs ago and I found the lack of sleep and privacy really difficult. I was also surprised by how hot it was on the ward.

I’d suggest taking good earplugs, a sleep mask, usb fan, iPod/mp3 player. Charger for your phone, kindle/iPad etc etc. A load of trashy magazines, and a couple of good books. And a nice shampoo & shower gel for when you can get in after surgery and freshen up properly - I was rigged up to all sorts of stuff and had to have a cloth wash for aeons.

If you can’t eat right away, would you be able to ask the nurse to at least wake you last? When I was in this drove me nuts, as invariably I’d only just manage to sleep at about 5. Then be woken at 7. Seemingly to then wash and wait for the doctor to come round.

Namechangedterrified · 15/07/2018 20:34

Thank you for these replies and tips, I really appreciate them all and will be using them. I'm really hoping to be able to keep my curtains closed as much as possible and will explain this to the staff. I'll take eye mask, lots to watch, read and listen toand nice toiletries. I will ask to be woken last if possible also.

To answer a few questions-
I don't work in the same trust, I used to but in a different hospital.
I've looked at going private- it is astronomically expensive and at a different hospital, out of my price bracket and would mean waiting again. It is not an option to buy a side room for this stay unfortunately.
I won't have access to a private loo as far am I'm aware- just the one in the bay I will be in.

I am seriously hoping that there just so happens to be a side room free that I can be put in. I'm so dreading this stay that I've almost hoped my mrsa swabs show I have it and I then get a side room!

OP posts:
happinessiseggshaped · 15/07/2018 20:45

To the advice already given I would add take all your own food and drink as if you are on a restricted diet the chance of the hospital being able to provide anything you want to eat is pretty much none.

TarragonChicken · 15/07/2018 20:47

Was going to suggest several episodes of unwitnessed loose stool to get a side room, but it looks like this is already expected. Scratch scabies like marks between your fingers? Suddenly remember you've been exposed to something very contagious? (Lighthearted!)

Eastie77 · 15/07/2018 21:10

I apologise in advance if this is wildly inappropriate but with respect to the toilet/soiling concern - is there an option to wear some kind of incontinence pad or underwear in case of any mishaps? I wore Tena pants after I had a c-section, I know it's not the same kind of operation so not sure if it would be applicable in your case.

You have all my my sympathies OP. I am extremely fortunate to have been blessed with good health and have only had to stay overnight in hospital when I had my DC. On both occasions the idea of sharing a bathroom caused me a great deal of anxiety as I have a horrible fear of seeing other people's blood or human waste.

HoleyCoMoley · 15/07/2018 21:13

If your swabs are positive you don't automatically get a sideroom now and surgery will be delayed, you don't really want a hibiscrub bathSmile you certainly don't want scabies or any other nasty. Take some treats in that you'll be allowed to eat and drink and look forward to being pampered when you get home, plus you might meet some nice friendly patients.

MixLab · 15/07/2018 21:21

I've name changed too. I was half wondering if I sleep-posted this thread myself, as I'm in a very similar position and found my last admission traumatic. I don't want to freak you out though, as I already had pre existing difficulties that it exacerbated. This post is probably already going to be identifying to anybody who knows me, so I won't expand on that.

I don't think some many hospital staff appreciate the degree of trauma an admission can cause patients and that just because a person "gets through it" doesn't mean they won't be left with pieces to pick up afterwards if it's not handled right. So the plan you've got so far sounds great and ticks off a lot of the things I was going to suggest. Especially keeping the curtains closed - that can make such a huge difference, even if they're not soundproof! You might have to be pushy with some staff to make sure they respect it, but don't feel you can't.

In addition to the suggestions made it might be helpful to bring some comforting things, like your own blanket if it's soft and smells of home, or clothes that feel familiar and comforting but aren't precious. Plus things that will be comforting if it becomes too distressing. Think about how you can take a piece of home with you.

When packing it can be helpful to mentally walk through a day at the hospital to make sure you've thought of all the things you'll want or need. The fact you've been in before will give you a head start on that.

A mixture of ridiculously easy reading with your normal stuff might be an idea too if you're feeling too foggy or poorly to focus much. Maybe some of the really easy puzzle books to occupy your mind without exhausting yourself.

A notebook too so that if it helps you can tally how many days you've survived to reinforce to yourself that you're getting closer to home and time hasn't stood still (personally I find tallying how many days I've survived rather than days left is more helpful - I already know how many are left in my head, I don't want that reinforced until the last 24 hours. It's like a mental "look at you go! You're getting through this, it will be over soon!" Rather than an "oh god I'm trapped and it's never going to end". Iyswim.) Literally, just on page one: IIII... A nice dramatic size too if it helps! Or prewrite the dates in and cross the previous day off with a flourish each morning. Whatever works (if indeed this idea works for you at all).

A notebook could also help if it gets upsetting and you just want to vent in it.

You can pack your own snacks to help as well. It seemed like all the other patients had their own fully stocked corner shop laid out around their beds last time I was in.

Having your own bag, of your own things, that you packed yourself and were able to choose can give you back a bit of a feeling of control, especially if it gets distressing and you need some comfort.

I don't know what kind of things you'll need to eat in terms of hot or cold food, but I did find despite protected mealtimes if I was nil by mouth at lunchtime say, they would keep my lunch in the fridge for me until I could eat again. And they made me toast at 9pm once when I'd been too sick to eat all day. So there was some flexibility where they could manage it. I can't remember the job title of the staff who took all the menu orders and brought food round etc, but they were really thoughtful and accommodating. At least on that ward. So that part might be more manageable than you're expecting.

Do you have anyone who can visit you to advocate for you? Maybe just for peace of mind that if you're struggling to get them to take your needs seriously somebody else can support you. Or could you ahead of time write your concerns down and how you would like to be treated, so that you can give it to them? You've described how distressed you became last time, so if you end up feeling that way again it could be really helpful to already have your explanation written down along with what will help, so if you're not able to articulate it all clearly (kinda hard when one is upset) you'll be able to show them it? You might not need it, but I can imagine it might give you a lot more peace of mind to know you have it.

If you've already had your MRSA swabs I'm guessing it must be very soon. I really hope it goes smoothly and doesn't even come close to realising all your fears.

Being extremely cheeky, if and only if you feel able to update this thread afterwards - not in detail, just that you got through it and you're doing ok - would you consider it please? Don't feel obliged to though, I know you'll have other priorities.

You're so much braver than me. I don't see me being able to make myself do it, so I think you're amazing.

CherryPavlova · 15/07/2018 21:32

Amenity beds are sometimes available for elective surgery and much cheaper than private care.
Speak to ward sister about your concerns and say you don’t want ward round conducted without auditory privacy. Ask for it to take place in a quiet area.
Have a sign made that says I prefer my curtains closed. Take a peg to keep them drawn closed. Don’t be embarrassed to use it. Make a do not disturb sign too to avoid early wake up. Be that twitchy difficult patient and get as comfortable as possible.
Ask for a bed by the window rather than nurses station end of bay. This limits people walking past you. You only need curtains shut on two sides then so reduce closed in feeling.
I also get dressed on the day of surgery or the next day at latest as you’re treated differently when clothed. I also go off ward to cafe as soon as possible with family and friends.
If the bell isn’t answered in a reasonable time then pull the red one instead! They come then. They’ll moan but explain nobody bothered to answer when you rang. If they persist in not answering insist on speaking to the trust Chief Nurse. Get their name off the website and work out the formula for trust email addresses.
I’m a horrid patient. I take my own bedding as I hate plastic pillow covers. I take my own teabags and a mug as I don’t drink sawdust. I take prepared fruit and nice yoghurts and good cereal. In fairness, I usually get a single room and have generally had exceptional treatment including a night nurse making my bed with a chilled sheet and bringing homemade ginger cake to help with nausea.
It might not be as bad as you are thinking.

Hassled · 15/07/2018 21:37

I have nothing to add other than sympathy - I possibly (not definitely) have a hysterectomy coming up and while I have no fears of the op itself - it will be the answer to all my prayers and end years of problems, so I want it to happen - I am absolutely terrified of the prospect of being in hospital. My lovely MIL was in a loud, hot, busy ward for a week recently and hated every minute of it to the point that she was pretty distressed - it was horrible for her.

Booboostwo · 15/07/2018 21:59

I am sorry OP, it all sounds awful and I really sympathise with you. I was in hospital recently with my DC and there was no privacy.

Would a corner bed help at all? I found this a bit better than one in a row. Also headphones to cancel all the noise.

I don’t know if this is an option but would you be able to hire a private nurse to be by your side and help whenever you needed?

Maelstrop · 15/07/2018 22:06

Honestly, once you’re there, it probably won’t be too bad. Take headphones and keep your curtains closed if you’re allowed. You’re going to women regardless of requests for last wake up, the lights will go on, it’ll be noisy. Try to meditate, zone out, ignore. I know how hard it is, I was in for a few weeks and it is extremely annoying but think of the end result. Flowers

SnailsEverywhere · 15/07/2018 23:51

I work on a gastro ward. If you're going to be needing the toilet a lot then a commode should be available to be kept by your bedside (and with curtains always pulled around and staff made aware that you're likely to be on the toilet a lot so they can ask before entering the curtains) I imagine it would feel weird and vulnerable to use the toilet like that though but it is an option if you're worried you won't make it otherwise - you could have a commode there as a back up if you can't get to the proper toilet in time etc.

If we're aware that people are going to be needing the toilet a lot (after being given laxatives or having surgery etc) then we try to give them a bed that's closer to the toilet too. Buzzers we always answer as soon as we can unless we're in the middle of something and there's no staff member free. Normally they're answered in under 2 minutes, don't think I ever heard a buzzer go for more than 5. If someone turns it off and doesn't come back to help you then buzz again.

As for diet, on my ward we have special fluids and feeds that people can have, and also toast, yoghurts, porridge and cereals, soup etc. If you are prescribed a special diet then it comes up from the kitchen and if it's hot it needs to be eaten straight away and can't be reheated. If it's something not hot then it can be kept in the kitchen til you're ready to eat it. If you don't want to be woken early just let the staff know and they should leave you alone and they should manage to find you something for breakfast when you're ready for it

As other posters said, let the ward manager or a sister know of your concerns when you get there, they'll try and make it as easy for you as possible. And they've seen and heard it all before, and most of the other patients are in the same boat as you too!

Bluelady · 16/07/2018 00:21

Some great suggestions here. It was an amenity bed I meant. In our local hospital they're the same ones they use for private patients but if they have an empty one they use them for NHS patients who are prepared to pay for them.

gobbin · 16/07/2018 00:35

I’ve had lots of bowel surgery. Always ask to have an inco mat to lie on and pads. I found then that I slept better because I didn’t have to worry about not making it.

Hopefully you’ll have a positive experience of sharing. I’ve had to share and also had a single (NHS) room. I don’t like sharing but the ladies I’ve been with were actually good company (and only one snored like a train). We all looked out for one another too, each time I’ve been in.

Flaminghaggis · 16/07/2018 00:37

I hope it goes well OP, I have to say I’ve laughed at some of the recommendations here. I’ve spent a lot of time in hospital and had 3 major surgeries. Not once did I get any say over where my bed was and I wouldnt have asked - why should I get preference over any one else?

As a nurse yourself, you’ll know curtains stay open so patients can be seen during the day. WRT waking, you may not be the most ill on your ward, and you’re woken for obs and washing as well as breakfast.

5-7 days isn’t a long time and then youlll be home. Take as many home comforts as you can. Two of my surgeries were by colorectal surgeons, although it wasn’t bowel. All of the ladies on the ward with stomas or post bowel surgery were treated respectfully and taken to loo when asked.

When a little lady on the ward was crying with pain and no nurse came, every single lady (10 of us I think) pressed our buzzers till someone came.

Keep your chin up, the more you worry the worse it will be. Hospital isn’t the scary bit. Use your judgement on some of the advice you’ve been given, how would you feel about a patient doing as suggested? Pick your battles. It will be more pleasant all round.

MarieVanGoethem · 16/07/2018 01:32

Was going to suggest you request a commode - never going to be anyone's first choice, but definitely preferable to soiling yourself; & on a gastro-type-Ward chances are someone else will have to use one too. In an ideal world people wouldn't have to use bedpans or commodes with only curtains for privacy, but it is One Of Those Things. (Also, I once had a fall after using a commode - mercifully I'd got myself decent - so lost my commode & solo mobilisation privileges AND had to go for an x-ray to check I'd not done anything drastic. So if you DO end up having to use a commode, feel free to think the happy thought that at least you are allowed to do so unsupervised. And won't have to explain to x-ray that yes, you are indeed the right patient, it's understandable they were expecting someone about 70 years older, but no...)

It's worth bringing your own toilet wipes/loo roll & hand wipes + sanitiser. Commodes don't always have paper with them (they absolutely should, of course, but...); & then once you're done you're not going to want to fling yourself down to the bottle at the end of your bed every time & if you're feeling rough, being able to clean your hands & snuggle back into bed is blissful. It's also nice being able to clean your hands before meals.

Snacks are vital. If you know what'll be suitable post-op I'd find yourself some snacks you can safely store by your bed; & if you'll be having visitors, brief them on bringing fresh stuff with them - might want to be careful with the quantities though, my father once got so excited about my being able to try eating that he brought in several tiny pots of vegan icecream without thinking about the fact there'd not be anywhere on the Ward to store it... unexpected treat for some of the nursing staff, who were, as often happens, surprised by how nice it was... but yes, Detailed Snack Instructions. If there's a set diet you're meant to be on it might be worth asking to see the dietitian if it's not being provided for you. It's not as if you're just in overnight; & as a nurse you know how important nutrition is to [promoting] recovery.

I've never actually used earplugs when in hospital but I've made a LOT of use of headphones & keep thinking that I really ought to get earplugs, so I heartily, um, 3 billionth that suggestion by PPs. Facewipes, babywipes, & dry shampoo for until you can have that glorious First Shower are all good. Am sure you know that if you're having keyhole surgery you're going to want knickers & PJ bottoms with plenty of extra space in them. The whole "End PJ Paralysis" campaign is very noble, but if you're not ready to get dressed, don't let people bully you into it, ditto sitting out of bed if that's not actually comfortable.

If you've a tablet you can download films/TV onto, absolutely do that. Favourite music/playlists for when you just want to block everything out.

It is tough. On the kind-of plus side you may find that for a couple of days, at least, you don't really feel well enough to mind anything much; & you just want to sleep. My body is completely ridiculous so can't be used as a measure/comparison for recovery for surgery, but from being on wards with people whose bodies don't flail about helplessly over the most minor thing, anyone who's kept in post-op like that generally has a while of mostly wanting to sleep & not much else. I hope that's helpful rather than freaky, sorry. It's not Alarming Unnatural Sleep or anything - some of it is analgesia-related, but mostly people's bodies just want sleep to heal. THAT sort of Sleep, which am sure you know well. It makes admissions much easier, truly.

And now I should stop babbling. I hope it all goes well. Am waiting for GI surgery too (after multiple Fails by hospital trust ) & really REALLY hoping to be able to get it done this summer...

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