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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To limit the play dates?

11 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 15/07/2018 17:07

I have been informed that DH cousin and kids are visiting family in the area one week of the hols. It happens to be one of the weeks I am off work.
I have been asked if DS can go out with them whilst they are here to which I replied that he can go one or two days but no more. My reason for this is that me and DD (just turned 2) do not seem to be invited. They specifically asked if DS could join them. I took the time off to spend with my kids which I don't get to do as much since DS is in school (age 6).

Am I being mean? I had loads of stuff planned for us over the hols and feel a bit like that time is being taken from me. DS would love to spend time with them so I may suggest a few things we were going to do anyway that they could come along to. I don't want to agree to more than 2 days though.

OP posts:
PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 15/07/2018 17:10

YANBU are you sure you're not invited? He should get to go out with his cousins but if you've taken a week off to spend time with DS of course you don't want him off with his cousins most of the time. I'd just explain it to them, they could perhaps join you on one of your planned days if they're disappointed not to see more of him.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 15/07/2018 17:14

I am not certain but it was put to me as "X and Y are visiting on this date for a week, they have asked is it okay if DS goes out with them on their days out".

I said yes and then today it was mentioned again and I said I don't mind him going but only on one or two days as I would like some time with him too.

I felt a bit mean afterwards.

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 15/07/2018 17:17

YANBU. Get other plans in for the week and say “DS can do x and y dates.” I’d also check if you’re invited too and just invite yourself along if you want to - they may think they’re doing you a favour giving you some 1:1 time with younger DD or plan to have day trips less suitable for a toddler.

Elenorrigbywoes · 15/07/2018 17:20

Is it a space issue in their car? Maybe they can only take one extra person?

Fluffyrainbows · 15/07/2018 17:30

It's your week to. I'd explain you'd taken that week off to spend time with him/both children and ask what the plans were for the week so you can make the best of it. Then you could say yes we'd love to meet you there, or whatever on your own terms.

RedSkyLastNight · 15/07/2018 17:30

Are the cousins a similar age to DS? If so it's likely that they will all get on, but DD will be left out. Plus they may not want to cater for a 2 year old in their plans.

I think agreeing to 1 or 2 days is perfectly reasonable.

Allthewaves · 15/07/2018 17:42

I'd happily take a 6 yr old if my kids were school age but 2 yr old would be too young and too much hassle (lovely as she is)

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 16/07/2018 07:00

Thanks ladies. The cousins are a little older than DS so yes DD would be the odd one out. But I drive and would happily go along as some of the things are likely to be similar or what we had planned ourselves.
I think for things where we have annual passes I will just say we will all come and then maybe say me and DD will leave early for nap time and if they want DS to stay he can. He can go to one on his own too. I'll have to see.
DS is already at an event that week so I am one day down. I don't want to be another 2/3. Plus I then have to find something for just the 2 yr old which is really hard in the summer holiday!

OP posts:
KC225 · 16/07/2018 07:31

I would think it's because of age. Some two year olds can be a little clingy around people they don't see on a regular basis. Just as older children, especially on mass can get a little boisterious. Also naps times and the fact she will be in a pushchair.

Why not take the time your son has playdates with his cousin to go to some one to one toddler things with your daughter - like swimming, or the toddler bit in the playground that your son now finds really boring.

greenlynx · 16/07/2018 08:50

I don’t think you are mean. They are visiting on your week off and you have plans already. That’s your answer. You could say that he could join them for X date and suggest that they could join you on Y date.
To be honest, I would expect them to say that they are visiting and would love to get together ( meaning with all of you). There are plenty of things which can be done by 2 and 6 ( or even 8, 9) years old at the same time. Your DD wouldn’t be odd one out she will be with you.
Did they know that it’s your week off? Peharps it’s not clear from your answer? Could it be your DH’s suggestion to make things easier for you? Could it be that they have a pass/card which allow them to take only one extra child for free? Or is there any back story about you and this cousin? Or is this a family attitude towards girls?

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/07/2018 08:55

I don't think your being mean but it doesn't sound like anyone said you were or that there was any issue with you saying one or two days so not sure what the problem is, sounds like they made an offer, you accepted and everyone is pretty happy, no issue really

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