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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if there is a politer way to ask this?

31 replies

WhatToSayNoIdea · 15/07/2018 13:19

If an ex-bf (works in same field who you worked with regularly and has been a source of lucractive work) calls you at work out of the blue after a long period of no contact where he could equally be calling either about a new piece of lucrative work OR could be calling fishing for sex

...

You answer the phone

what actually you want to say is " let's not fanny around with all this "how are you, been a long time" small talk - cut to the chase,
are you phoning for a work reason in which case, I'm interested and tell me about it.
or are you tapping me up for a f*ck in which case you can f8ck off yourself and this conversation is over.

I was going to go with

Sorry but I'm really busy. Were you calling for a reason?

Or is that too cold - bearing in mind it could actually (genuinely) be a work offer and if it is, it would be worth a lot of money to me.

Basically, I've got no time for him if it's a sex call and I just want to avoid that random chat before we get to the point.

Any other suggestions?

OP posts:
MeanTangerine · 15/07/2018 13:22

I think it's probably worth risking 5-10 minutes of random chat if there's a possibility of lucrative work.

Poor bloke, might be interested in a really intimate connection and you're just using him for work Grin

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 15/07/2018 13:23

Sorry but I'm really busy. Were you calling for a reason?
Is rude even to a potential fuck buddy.

imsorryiasked · 15/07/2018 13:24

How about "Hi, what can I do for you?" which should either result in "want a shag?" or "I have some work you might be interested in"

Original poster
WhatToSayNoIdea · 15/07/2018 13:26

Is rude even to a potential fuck buddy.

LOL @BreakfastAtSquiffanys

Ha ha! I thought it was a bit harsh!!! Any suggestions on what to say that is polite but gets to the point quickly?

I have no interest in him as a FB he wasn't nice and frankly was borderline emotionally abusive so I really don't want to open that door. It's probably why I'm struggling with what to say

OP posts:
AgentHannahWells · 15/07/2018 13:27

Hi, so what's new with you?

Should tell you what you want to know, isn't rude.

Original poster
WhatToSayNoIdea · 15/07/2018 13:27

@MeanTangerine

Trust me - he would not be looking for an intimate connection unless it was with his cock.

OP posts:
AgentHannahWells · 15/07/2018 13:28

But then again if the bloke is an aresehole do you really want to be beholden to him for work? I bet you are very good at what you do regardless of him and could get plenty of work without giving him the time of day.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 15/07/2018 13:29

As a PP said, just a ‘so... what can I do for you?’ is fine isn’t it?

Original poster
WhatToSayNoIdea · 15/07/2018 13:29

@imsorryiasked

How about "Hi, what can I do for you?" which should either result in "want a shag?" or "I have some work you might be interested in"

This sounds good to me but is that rude as well? I've lost all sense of what is harsh or rude here.

OP posts:
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 15/07/2018 13:30

How do you know he will call you out of the blue?

imsorryiasked · 15/07/2018 13:34

I think what can I do for you is acceptable if though haven't spoken for a while, especially if said in a friendly tone.

Original poster
WhatToSayNoIdea · 15/07/2018 13:35

@AgentHannah

It's hard to explain without being outing but it's not being beholden to him, it's more like taking advantage of a one off lucrative opportunity.

My work is very individual project based so a new "job" is always good and he particularly has very high paying clients.

Analogy: Imagine that I specialise in painting replicas of the roof of the Sistine chapel. Your average punter might want a basic version for their 2 up 2 down semi and will only pay £1000. Your oligarch will want an identical replica on the roof of their ballroom in Dubai and will pay £1m. He is like an oligarch's agent in that set up and not a lot of people provide the service of painting replicas of the roof of the Sistine chapel.

It's probably all a waste of mental energy on my part as I bet it's sex fishing not work. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatToSayNoIdea · 15/07/2018 13:37

@TellsEveryoneRealFacts

How do you know he will call you out of the blue?

What did you think? Because I have ESP!!

He called on Friday at work and left a message saying he'd call back on Monday as I was in a meeting.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 15/07/2018 13:41

How big is your ego to assume he wants to get into your knickers? Like a pp I'd do a few minutes of small talk any time if it might lead to a lucrative work opportunity. It's called business.

BIWI · 15/07/2018 13:42

Why don't you take control of this then, by calling him? That way you have the initiative in the conversation:

You: Hi X - I got a message saying that you called on Friday. Can I help you with anything?

Option A Him: Hi! Thanks for calling back - it's good to hear from you. How are you? I've been thinking about you a lot recently and wondered how you were fixed on Friday, for drinks/dinner/dancing (whatever)?

or:

Option B Him: Hi! Thanks for calling me back. I've got this lead/project/brief that's come in and I think it would be right up your street - would you be interested?

Job done!

flumpybear · 15/07/2018 13:42

I'd just be polite, hi how's things? What's it I can help with I'm assuming it's a work thing ... etc

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 15/07/2018 13:43

How big is your ego to assume he wants to get into your knickers

A - it is a bloke
B - she knows the bloke and what he is like.

jpclarke · 15/07/2018 13:47

The fact he said he would call back on Monday sounds more business like surely if he was looking for sex he wouldn't be waiting all weekend.

Juells · 15/07/2018 13:49

@Bluelady

How big is your ego to assume he wants to get into your knickers?

Haha Tells Everyone got in before me. Wanted to ask if Bluelady had ever met any men 😂

InfiniteVariety · 15/07/2018 13:53

I agree with jpclarke the timing makes it more likely to be business. But if he fails to call back on Monday, you'll know he was looking for sex over the weekend!

Chasingcars123 · 15/07/2018 13:54

Keep it light in case it's a job offer. Just say hi sorry l I missed you. How are you?

Whipsmart · 15/07/2018 13:54

How big is your ego to assume he wants to get into your knickers?

Have you not met many men Bluelady? Grin

oh I forgot this is mumsnet where we're never allowed to acknowledge that anyone might fancy us

Whipsmart · 15/07/2018 13:54

Ha ha cross post Juells!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/07/2018 14:08

Hmm, I can see your issue but I agree that your initial idea of a response was a bit on the harsh side!
If you ask "what can I do for you?" you kind of lay yourself open to some crude response if he is just after a shag; but it will get it out the way quickly and if he makes a crude response you can then go with your other suggestion after laughing and saying "no chance, mate."

Or you could try something like "Hello, it's been a while, do you have an interesting job for me?"

I hope it turns out to be a lucrative job, anyway.

AgentHannahWells · 15/07/2018 14:12

Be as rude as you like in that case! He needs a chapel-painter just as much as you need to paint chapels.