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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there's no point having a wedding if I have you have no friends

22 replies

tweetweet494 · 15/07/2018 10:49

What the title says really....

I have no friends. I have friendly acquaintances, mainly ex-colleages, but I'm not 'friends' with them enough to invite them to a wedding.

I have family, but no friends to invite. Is it pathetic to have a wedding if all the guests on my side are family members? Or is it best to stick to the registry office and a half hour drink down the pub? I know it's extremely weird to have no friends to invite to something like this

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/07/2018 10:52

You don't mention your Fiance and what he wants?

Does he have many friends/family etc?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 15/07/2018 10:52

DH and I got married abroad , just the two of us.

Nothing to do with family or friends really , just seemed much simpler than organising everything when people were all dotted round the country . And we'd been together for 9 years so a big faffy do wasn't our ideal.
So holiday+relax+wedding. I'd recommend it .

We're 23 years married now .

MyCatsRuleTheHouse · 15/07/2018 10:53

You can do whatever you want, big, small, whatever. It’s up to your and your DF. Just family is fine. What does he want?

MaisyPops · 15/07/2018 10:54

A wedding is what you make it.

We have a good circle of acquaintances who we get on well with but didn't invite them to our wedding.

Our wedding was small. Half family and half close friends.
Some people do just family (one of my work friends did that).

If anything it's probably nicer than the big weddings where the whole office is invited and people you don't see much. Maybe I'm being a bit judgey (in fact I know I am), but part of me wonders unless you have a large family/extended family, who seriously has over 200 genuine friends to invite?
We struggle to catch up with our close friends due to practicalities.

Either way OP, do what makes you happy

ALemonyPea · 15/07/2018 10:55

You don’t need to have a room full of people to get married. A marriage is about the bride and groom, nobody else is as important.

Get married where and how you want. Why not have a registry office wedding and somewhere nice to eat afterwards with a select few people? It will be just as special.

Storm4star · 15/07/2018 10:55

No it is not pathetic at all. I have the reverse, I have friends but no real family other than my DCs. It wouldn’t stop me having the wedding I and my partner wanted. Whatever that may be. What wedding would you and your fiancé like?

Theshittyendofthestick · 15/07/2018 10:55

There aren't any rules that you have to follow with weddings. It's a day to celebrate you and your partner's relationship so you should start with talking together about what sort of day you would enjoy.
Would you like your family to come? If so, could you have an intimate family only do? All get dressed up and go for a lovely meal somewhere special afterwards?
If you'd rather it was just the two of you, would you rather go abroad to marry and extend the wedding into a fabulous holiday?
The main thing is that it's something that will be meaningful and enjoyable for the two of you

ALemonyPea · 15/07/2018 10:56

Meant to add, DH and I got married without telling anyone, just us and two friends, who got married at the same time, so a double wedding. We then went for food and a pub crawl. Was an excellent day. Been married 17 years.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 15/07/2018 10:57

Yabu . I think family weddings are lovely. Just keep it small and intimate if you’re both happy with this.

Are you happy not having friends? I am similar really. Well, I do have friends for big events like weddings, but none local to me and it makes me very lonely at times.

TillyTheTiger · 15/07/2018 10:59

We do have friends but we both played in sports teams when we were planning our wedding and would have felt we had to invite everyone plus partners which made our potential guest list huge, so we just had a tiny wedding with close family only. It was so relaxed and special, and we wouldn't have changed a thing.

Mookatron · 15/07/2018 11:03

Do what you want! 'friends' means people who care about you - if they're family too, great!

redfairy · 15/07/2018 11:04

What a great opportunity to have a really classy intimate wedding and maybe incorporate something different and quirky (no idea what but I always fancied marrying in some caves or a forest)

GoldenEvilHoor · 15/07/2018 11:07

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ZispinAndMushroomTea · 15/07/2018 11:12

Why would it be pathetic? We got married in a place that would have included major travelling from most of our friends (the few that we had - not a huge social circle), so only had a small family wedding. It was fine, and much cheaper than a huge wedding.

MereDintofPandiculation · 15/07/2018 11:14

Back in the days (not so long ago) when you could get married only in a church or registry office, and it was still the norm for the bride's parents to pay, weddings tended to be family affairs with 2-3 really good friends. So, no, not at all pathetic to have a family wedding.

30 years down the line, you'll probably have a completely different set of friends, but your family will still be the same.

The current wedding competitiveness kicked off when the restrictions were lifted on where you could marry. Once you could marry in a "special" location, everyone understandably wants their wedding to be the most special, the one that all their guests remember for ever. But realistically you'll remember your own wedding and only the "highlights" (the wedding cake taking a tumble) of most of the rest you attend. So make your wedding nice for you and your family, and have a happy relaxed occasion that you'll look back on with pleasure.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 15/07/2018 11:14

My Dh and I got married abroad, just the two of us. Was lovely. We’d been together eleven years. We did have a big shindig when we got back though which was lovely. Been married thirteen years.

Fluffyears · 15/07/2018 11:18

We got married just us on a remote Scottish beach. It was wonderful and simple and the best day of my life.

RafikiIsTheBest · 15/07/2018 11:18

I don't have any real friends either, like you people I have worked with or currently work with that I may socialise with as and when but no one I would call to share good news type relationship.

DP and I are planning a family wedding. We keep toying with the idea of inviting some friends, but I think they are all too distant. Personally, I would love some close friends again, not had any since I was depressed, I just didn't put in the effort.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2018 11:19

YABVU! Your wedding is about you and the person you’re marrying, embrace that! We had no friends at our wedding as we wanted a small do with family and no fuss. It was absolutely perfect, loved every minute of it. It’s so liberating to do exactly what you want without the pressure of other people’s expectations.

When you imagine your perfect day, what is it? For us it was us, my DSC, handful of close family, a place that’s special to us and for it to happen as quickly as possible. So that’s what we did.

Fuck what anyone else thinks a wedding looks like. It’s a single day that’s the start of your marriage. All you need is each other

Babdoc · 15/07/2018 11:27

Surely a wedding, at its core, is about you and your partner making vows before God to solemnise your relationship and sanctify your marriage. It also formalises your legal position. Who you have on the guest list is neither here nor there!
I think too many couples have been overwhelmed by the commercial wedding “industry”, and waste hours and fortunes, agonising over all sorts of irrelevant frippery like dresses, catering, table decorations and guest lists.
Have whatever size or type of wedding you want, OP, within your available budget. A wedding is for a day- a marriage is for life. It’s the marriage that actually matters.

stressedtiredbuthappy · 15/07/2018 11:48

Your wedding should be about you and your partner!
Nothing worse than a huge circus where it's all about the day, and a crappy marriage!
Best wedding I went to there was about 14 people there, the couple were so in love.
Incidentally I know many who needed the big do oh and nothing worse than a huge hen weekend, to me anyway.

ItchyBitchFace · 15/07/2018 13:03

I'm desperate to marry my OH. We have children from previous relationships and my OH has a tiny family and not many friends. I have had problems in the past with my dad falling out with me and not talking to me for 5 years. We are back on track now but to have a huge wedding would feel a bit ridiculous to me.
I'd be happy with just our kids and our mums there and a small wedding.
Other family and my friends might not take that well, but it would be our wedding so up to us.
I'd encourage you to do whatever feels right to you and as others have said it is about the marriage not the wedding.

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