“It’s not fair” AIBU DS needs to suck it up

[AtSea1979]

DS (just turned 13) has recently started having almighty tantrums. Lots of shouting and crying, gets sent to his room (to calm down) and yelling “it’s not fair” and other things like “DD doesn’t have to do it” “you are just sat around” etc in response to me asking him to help with small jobs etc.
For context, DS has stopped looking after his things so I’m telling him off for the latest ripped bag, lost trainers, broken drinks bottle, hoarding dirty clothes etc. Anything that seems like I’m criticising and he goes off on one. Also DD (younger) is currently unwell and needs lots of help. I’m a single parent and I expect DS to be more helpful, to tidy up after himself and help around the house as I’m exhausted.
Is there anything I can do to show him his life is very fair and he is being unreasonable? Do I lower my expectations? Though I feel I’ve tried this and things haven’t improved I just end up doing more and he gets lazier.

@wobblywindows too much scope for damage? What a load of shit. If my 4 year old can unload and load a wash machine then I'm sure as hell a 13 year old can! Don't be so ridiculous.

bsbabas why are you being such a doormat?

At 13 he is a lot going on growing wise, he is also dealing with an ill sibling and having extra pressure pushed upon him as a result of that.

I would cut him some slack!

DS's school offer classes for parenting teens. I found them really useful and wished they had done the same when my eldest was 13. Maybe something similar in your area.
Also the book 'how to talk so teens will listen...' has been very useful to me.
Certainly try to give him plenty of one on one attention.
I often text DD to ask her to do things which probably sounds awful but it seems to remove a lot of conflict and stropping.
Think about what is actually worth arguing about and what you can let go.
Empathise, he probably does feel your request is unfair even though you know it's not. He probably feels the way you do/did at times when your knackered/busy/just enjoying a bit of peace and one of your kids needs you, you might mutter FFS or whatever but then you crack on and do it. He isn't mature enough to keep that feeling to himself yet.

Also DD (younger) is currently unwell and needs lots of help.

^^ From the Op - unfair distribution of parental attention. Combined with 'Kevin-ish' behaviours.

Be calm, be kind, be firm. Expect him to do his fair share, but not to pick up the slack - dc can be very affected long term by the impact of their siblings ill health. Use humour, pick your battles, and let some things go. Remember he has teenage brain and hormones going on, he is genuinely less capable than he was, and needs to regrow all those brain pathways before he will be reasonable again!

Lots of great advise. Unfortunately there’s no talking to him in the middle of his strop as he just gets louder and so do I until it’s full of screaming at each other hence why he’s sent to his room until he calms. Then he apologises and expects me to say ok and move on.
School is fine. He often cries when things don’t go to plan but he never has outbursts with the teacher.
He gets plenty of attention as I’m single so no distractions. Just me and DC. He gets 1-1 time for an hour when DD goes to bed and they both have a 1-1 slot at weekend. His is Sunday, whilst his sister watches telly (hers Saturday).
I need to try to stay calm and not get dragged in to the arguments.
Kevin clearly has landed but he literally turned 13 last month, I never expected it to be overnight. I guess that’s why Kevin was so popular because it’s actually true!

Much more positive day today. Thank you for all the advice, it kept me focussed on staying calm and giving clear expectations/boundaries as well as lots of attention.

Glad you've had a more positive day. It is hard to remain calm but it does make a difference. I like to reward my calmness with a fuck-off-dance once my little cherubs have left the room!