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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hew arrogant?

54 replies

Supermummy101 · 15/07/2018 08:12

AIBU to think my boyfriends comments are arrogant- during a game of football down the park he won and he said "I always win at everything in life" .. it was sort of jojey but he generally think very highly of himself.. so this comment made me cringe

It sounds minor and petty but he has a v good job car pension and at 40 has paid off a lot of his huge mortgage on his big house so yes he is doing well in that side of life but i hate that hes a trumpet blower!

He's also said things like he thinks hes a better partner than most men (when he does stuff around the house). Hes said before "i think im a good catch".

He say things like he doesnt do things by half..when he does something he goes all out to make it the best (this was after i commented hes never taken me away for the weekend).. so he was suggesting he hasnt yet but when he does it'll be the best :-/

The language/words he uses when he talks can often be pompus and it grates on me.

He discusses his pension n mortgages with his dad in front of everyone. He mentioned a new work deal the other day and he said "if i get this deal i will be a hero".. probably fine to say this but even this comment made me slightly cringe.

He says he knows he has arrogant stresks and that theres nothing wrong with confidence (ive tried to explain the difference). Hes not rude to waiters etc hes just a trumpet blower and i cringe.

The first time he met my parents he arrived one hour late (no reason), didnt apologise and when he left said jokingly to my dad "so as i like to say Alan, im not always right... just most of the time"... cringe!!!

Could u put up with this???

OP posts:
Cupoteap · 15/07/2018 08:42

Sounds like the glasses have slipped off

FrancisCrawford · 15/07/2018 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2018 08:44

I'd also look deeper. The people who feel the need to big themselves up often are the most insecure.

I'm not sure what your describing is arrogance. Arrogance is about being proud and thinking you're better than others, that only you count. I'm not sure he's doing that. I'm not even sure he's boasting, because it's about things he hasn't done, the weekend away that's never occurred, the deal he hasn't concluded etc.

I'd say deep down he's very insecure and this is the way he covers it up. For example telling you he's a good catch, as he will suspect you think otherwise.

UrsulaPandress · 15/07/2018 08:44

Have you posted about him meeting your parents before?

NataliaOsipova · 15/07/2018 08:48

As others have said, this sort of bragging is very often down to underlying insecurity. Once you get to understand this, you see this sort of person in a very different light.

My DH, on the other hand, is genuinely pretty arrogant in some respects. He wouldn't feel the need to tell anyone how right or great he was because he quite honestly doesn't give a shit what anyone else thinks.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/07/2018 08:48

If it grates now, it will only get worse, honestly.

My DH has a strong tendency in this direction as well - and without absolutely shredding him, nothing I can say changes his opinion of himself. I don't shred him because I think it would spell the end of our marriage if I did - but he is honest-to-god nowhere near as good as he thinks he is.
I do point out sometimes that being "not that bad" Hmm, in comparison with wife-beaters and alcoholics who spend all their time in the pub, or dossers with no job and no intention of getting one, is setting a pretty fucking low bar. But he's happy with himself, so nothing I say is going to change him because he doesn't see the need to change anything.

It does grate, enormously, and he's not even as overt about it as your boyfriend appears to be!

GrandPianos · 15/07/2018 08:49

I’m blushing even reading this. How embarrassing.

ILoveDolly · 15/07/2018 08:52

Wow. I could not cope with this. I don't think you will be able to stay with this man for long. Also, be careful because these arrogant types usually don't take rejection well

TypicallyNorthern · 15/07/2018 08:54

You should listen to Mr Perfect Cousin by The Undertones.

^He will never be left on the shelf
'cause Kevin he's in love with himself^

kaytee87 · 15/07/2018 08:56

You don't like his personality (don't blame you), you should break up now.

gamerwidow · 15/07/2018 08:56

I think if you’re starting to find him annoying there is a limited future in this relationship. This is unlikely to be something your BF will ever stop doing. If you find it embarrassing you will end up hating him for it.

Frankwindsor · 15/07/2018 08:57

I agree with the others, his behaviour points towards a deep-seated insecurity and if you were able to get him to admit it, then you'd spend the rest of your life having to listen and reassure and it would still be all about him.

no thankyou.

FatBarry · 15/07/2018 08:58

I've read a post before about being an hour late for the parents' meeting.

You either talk to him about it or you LTP (leave the prick) and say "well you didn't always do everything right and win everything did you?"

eddielizzard · 15/07/2018 09:00

Bleurgh. Deeply unattractive.

ChimesAtMidnight · 15/07/2018 09:01

taken me away for the weekend
This makes me cringe..... ...why don't you take him away for the weekend ? Or better still, you go away for the weekend together ?

beanaseireann · 15/07/2018 09:12

You might have a touch of his arrogance yourself OP - I've just noticed the name you chose as a Mumsnetter :
Supermummy
GrinGrinGrin
Are your children affected by his arrogance ?
Was he married / does he have children and if so how does he treat his ex and his children ?

RhythmStix · 15/07/2018 09:17

I would fleece him for every penny then LTB.

MerryMarigold · 15/07/2018 09:20

I think this is the icing on the cake, OP. On it's own it's not a major deal. Dh boasts a lot about his sporting prowess. He's actually very insecure and the thing he excels in is Sport. If I'm feeling a bit cheesed off with him, our relationship isn't great, whenever he makes a boastful comment it totally winds me up and I roll my eyes and even have a go at him. If we're in a good place generally, I see it for what it is, a habit he has got into of seeing his worth in being good at Sport. It doesn't grate then. I just accept it for what it is.

So I'd say there is a bit more going on. The weekend away which still hasn't happened, sounds like you feel he is not prioritising you and you feel neglected generally.

AnotherDayAnotherName745 · 15/07/2018 09:31

taken me away for the weekend
This makes me cringe..... ...why don't you take him away for the weekend ? Or better still, you go away for the weekend together ?
Agree with this - to some extent you're feeding his belief that he's the bee's knees, by waiting for him to organise treats, as if you're the child and he's a parent.

I would fleece him for every penny then LTB.
Frankly, that's awful, and as someone said earlier, can you imagine how angry the thread would get, if a man suggested getting asuch money as possible from a woman, then dumping her Hmm. Have a bit of self respect, Rhythmstix.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/07/2018 09:53

I just couldn't tolerate being around anyone like this...

If you're good at something... People KNOW!... You don't have to tell them...

Look up pronoid - the absolute opposite to paranoid! (people conspiring and thinking negatively of you. There is noevidence! ) in fact John Cleese has just called the orange one 'pronoid' Grin.

Have you asked him : why??

Skittlesandbeer · 15/07/2018 09:59

Hmmm what’s he going to be like when:

The younger up-n-comer at work gets the big deal
He develops a physical incapacity
His investments take a tumble
He gets retrenched
He’s in an accident
He stuffs up something important
Your kid isn’t enough of a ‘winner’

It’s all very well to be arrogant when you’ve got legitimate ‘public’ trophies to back it up. I still don’t say it’s attractive, but many would.

I fear how a lifetime of high-fiving himself will play out when challenges arise. He’s unlikely to deal well with failures or under-achievement, in himself or others. Yet those things will happen. Unfortunately family life, and older age can be jam-packed with them.

Not a very fun prospect for you, when his boasts become laughable and look oh so shallow. It only takes a moment for life to deal you a tricky card. Best to be far away from this guy when it does.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/07/2018 10:02

About his pension and mortgages... Who gives a .

Either its a private convo with his dad/bank.... Repeating this info in front of others makes him look a prize jerk...

I recall a vague acquaintance boasting in a pub that he never saved, but could afford high spec cars and only lived in the 'best houses'...( Cos he deserved the best things in lifeHmm) ... The reality ALL of it was on credit/loans and he went bust 18months later.... What a prize plonker...

Troels · 15/07/2018 10:08

It's ok to be smarter than everyone. or think you are smarter
It's OK to be richer than everyone.
It's OK to be more successful.
It's OK to think you are the bees knees
It's not OK to remind everyone of these things, that makes you a boastful twat and not very smart at all in the great scheme of things.

saoirse31 · 15/07/2018 10:11

You don't really like him, do you?

AnyFucker · 15/07/2018 10:12

< crooks little finger >