What would you tell your 30 year old self?

[GardenRoseAutumnSpring]

I'm 28, and didn't really get to enjoy my 20s I've promised myself to make my 30s the best decade of my life. I got married at 21, and had children young, so didn't have much of a life other than kids, cleaning, cooking and dealing with a --man child.

So what would you tell your 30 year old self?

I am 30. You just described me. I am telling myself i deserve better.

Do you feel like you've aged too?

Yes. I feel about 50. Mentally and physically.

I got married at 30, first child at 34. I would go back and tell myself to cram more in while I still could - more sex, more travel, go out more. Actually I have felt much better in myself in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s. Less uncertainty about life, less caring about the little things, about what the media tell you that you should be like, just more 'me'. It's a great decade, enjoy it OP!!

If you've had your kids young OP make this decade time for YOU - career, hobbies, friends, whatever you feel you want to achieve. Kids are amazing but they are total drainers when little as I am discovering - I feel my age now having them in my mid-late 30s!

I am 26 just had my second child and I feel like this too. I feel like life is passing by so quickly and all I ever talk/think about is my husband and kids. I love them all dearly and they are my world but it’s made me forget who I am. Looking forward to the responses.

Not much actually.

No kids, lovely partner, amazing job ( think meetings in Paris and San Francisco) . Holidays in Seychelles lovely home, eating out several times a week, sex filled weekends.

I would say " you are doing OK".
But I knew that.

Kids didn't come until much later.

I enjoyed my child free adult life.

I would tell myself that I have a huge expanse of life ahead of me. Even if it will take work/a few years, there is so much time left if I want it to make a plan and do it! If we work to 70, that is still 40 years - nothing that can't be done in that time! Same for marriage/intimate relationships.

Sort out a pension and get financially literate. At this age every little helps and has ages to grow. Make financial plans and execute them.

Get into good health habits now - exercising, eat well, dentist, skincare. Bodies need to last a long time these days so investment now will be valued later. Do strength training and build bone density.

But also balance all this future focus with enough life in the now. Think about the cost benefit analysis. People die young. It could be you. Make space to enjoy your family.

There are old threads on this plus a ton of good blog posts - check those out for more extensive ideas. Great question to ask as part of your self reflection though.

@IVEgotthePOWER OMG I feel the same. This is the sort of hard life that makes someone looks so old in the 40s. Honestly leave now if you're unhappy, take the time to pamper yourself and look after yourself, massage, spa, beauty treatments. I honestly think this is the key to looking good in your 30/40s. Do what you want to do now, you don't want to look back in 20 years time with regrets.

@DuggeesWoggle I am making this decade for me, I'm just learning to drive, started a new business. In a way I'm glad I had my children young, because in my 30s they will be teenagers and I'll have so much more freedom

Save 10% of every wage packet

garden i dont drive either! I feel this weekend has been an eye opener for me relationship wise. I just need to keep reminding myself i am worth more. I am starting a new job soon so that will give me a bit more of a life outside the home. I love my dc so much i think it is the man child that has dragged me down so much. How old are your dc? I have four between 1 and 10 years old.

I'm 38 and my children are 10, 12, 16, 20, 21 and 22 and my step daughter is 18. I have a grandson too.
I'm looking forwards to being very selfish in the next few years. Holidays! Holidays! Holidays!

@IVEgotthePOWER mine are 2, 4, and 6. I feel like since my youngest turned 2 I got my sanity back. The sleepless nights and just existing during the day really took its toll on me.

And doing everything on my own whilst he just slumped on the sofa playing games on his phone. Honestly get rid, you deserve better. For years I was thinking about everything I wanted to do, it's like I was living my life in my head.

garden i think you really hit the nail on the head there, the relationship is draining the life out of me!

I would tell myself to have more confidence in myself, my instincts and my abilities I started my family at 29. In work my early 30s were the best but at home with kids the absolute pits! There were issues with my step daughter and family court and PND to contend with, buying a house, financial difficulties, marriage was tough and so on.

Late 30s were much better. I just thought fuck it. I am who I am I can't please everyone and I accepted that I am not really a people person. I stopped trying so hard! We had a 3rd baby and she's the best thing that ever happened to our family.

I'd say to myself things will get tough but look to the future. Nothing is ever permanent, enjoy what you have and don't waste time thinking about people who give no shits about you or even outright disrespect you. Also accept what you can't change even if it hurts. Because life will be easier with acceptance.

I'd also say when you're 40 you will be fatter than ever but you'll run a marathon anyway and you're kids will think you're awesome!!! That would have made my 30 year old smoker self laugh and laugh!

Mine would be quite positive. I hated turning 30. But I'd tell myself "the best years are yet to come". I've generally been my happiest and most contended in my 30s, both personally and professionally, free from the anxieties that held me back in my 20s.

@IVEgotthePOWER I've seen it too often on MN, 50-60 year old women saying " I wish I left 15-20 years ago". Don't be that person, leave NOW! You have so much life ahead of you. Good luck!

I'd tell myself not to have a third child. The financial strain of everything x3 means we have no spare money at all.

I'd tell myself to build a life that would work for me once DC grew up and left home (I was 38 when this happened).
I always thought 'yay, I'll have freedom while I'm still young!' But find myself in my 40's thinking about starting again from scratch. Here's what I'd do in my 30's if I could have my time again:
Get into healthy habits and look after my body
Stop smoking at 30- that way you can regain all the years lost to it
Maintain a social life/circle of friends
Nurture hobbies and interests
Get to know myself- ie personal development/self awareness
Take control of debt

For me, if I could rewind, it would be about making sure I've got a life I could naturally slip into and expand once I was on my own (I also split with partner and lost several close family members around the time I started living on my own)
Make sure your interests are yours- not an extension of those closest to you so you've always got a 'tool kit' of things to make you feel good/enjoy life when you have more time on your hands

I also agree with Starface about balancing future planning with life in the now. If you can learn to enjoy now, it's a skill you can take with you as things change.

I would say don’t worry, you will eventually have a successful pregnancy. Also, buy a house a bit sooner. And, your career actually pans out pretty well!

I turn 30 at the end of this year and am wondering what I want out of the next decade. I definitely think it will be focusing on myself. I have spent my 20s doing what I was supposed to and have spent the last 2.5 years raising my gorgeous DS which has been all consuming. As we aren't having more DC I can see my 30s giving me more freedom. I want to move jobs as I'm unhappy in my current one, sort out my pelvic floor (have appt on Monday so am already working on that), get back to exercising, make new friends, go on fab family holidays etc.

I think the pressure will be off now, have done uni, got married, had a DC, bought a house. My 30s are for me :)

To anyone in an unhappy relationship I agree that you should get out now if it can't be fixed, don't waste your life on a man child.

I would tell myself to not have children tbh

I'd tell my 30 year old self:

Be kinder to yourself
Be wiser with money
Be more patient with people but don't let fuckwittery over rule you
Choose a less stressful career
Know that in three years time you'll have your DS who is the best thing that happened to you
Move back to Australia
Never give up.

Sounds like I'm not happy now, I am (am now 47) but wish I'd made some different choices!!

I'd tell myself to get a pen and paper and write down the top 3 things that I want from life for the next 10 years and start making it happen with clear plans and actions.
If it's a career but you don't have the necessary quals.....start looking at evening classes etc.
If it's holidays - plan and budget for a treat each year.
If it's time with your DH as a couple maybe plan a once a month dinner or pub date.

Just turned 32 and taking notes!

Since I was a teen, I’ve read celebrity interviews where they go ‘I’m just so much more confident and happy with myself now I’m in my 30s’ and I’m ashamed to admit I always assumed they were bullshitting! Even just 2 years in I’m starting to get it though - I find myself worrying less and less about what I ‘should’ be doing, and concentrating instead on what I want to be doing, for myself and my family. It’s incredibly freeing.
And you’ve got the benefit of your kids being older OP; you’re about to have the world in the palm of your hand - go for it!!