AIBU to call it off?

[JustKeepStumbling]

Getting married soon supposedly. Partner started a new job recently and I have had a horrendous year so far with bad luck of things breaking etc. If it could go wrong it has. Am self employed and had some large unavoidable bills come in although I am very sensible with money. Work has been really tough, I haven’t been able to afford to take any holiday time off since last year so am totally exhausted and have now been let down by a friend a few weeks before my wedding on a situation that means it will cost me even more money and hassle to sort out. It has made me feel really unsettled as will mean big changes to my routine and daily life.

Thought the new job would help fiance’s attitude due to improved hours but the past few weeks he has been an arse to me every weekend. Totally unsupportive. Picking fault. Causing arguments. Being unenthusiastic about anything I try to do. Tells me it’s my fault for being self employed and for having other financial issues (for responsibilities that were there long before I met him) and when I tell him he’s being nasty, unsupportive and I’m fed up of it apparently ‘he’s just winding me up’. This has ended in tears on several occasions recently and I’m not someone who cries.

Also feeling let down by a couple of what used to be close friends over my wedding (I have heard nothing from any of this group of ‘friends’ since getting engaged despite being matron of honour for one of them and organising their hen do singlehandedly at the time). Also seem to be stuck in the middle of some shit stirring and bullying which is nothing to do with me but I’m getting the blame.

All in all it’s just too much and I have a partner who I feel I might as well be single for the amount of emotional support I get. In fact he makes things worse by being horrible and ruining the small amount of time we spend together at weekends by causing arguments seemingly on purpose.

I’m fed up of everyone and everything. AIBU to cancel the whole thing. My family would be devastated.

OP, you are totally not bring unreasonable to want to call it off. If your DP can't be a decent human being to you now, getting married isn't going to make everything magically ok is it?? This part of a relationship is supposed to be fun. And it has nothing to do with your family. They aren't the ones getting married, you are. You can't get married to please them. I'm sorry your friends are being crap too.

No YANBU! I went ahead with my wedding (many decades ago) because I couldn't face cancelling it and all the problems this would create. I walked down the aisle wishing I was somewhere else and we were divorced 5 years later. The experience wasn't a good one for either of us but what really resonated in your post was the memory of realising that I was not going to get any emotional support from my husband. He was going to carry on being who he was (not a bad person at all but very self-centred and not particularly interested in helping me feel loved or fulfilled) and I could either put up with it or not. So eventually I decided not. But it would have been so much better, and I would have been so much happier if I'd had the courage to make that decision before we got married. Do hope you are able to be stronger than I was. Your family being devastated is irrelevant. Please don't go ahead unless you are sure that this is what you want. Good luck.

YANBU. Better you lose some money on a wedding and annoy your family a bit than get married, lose half of everything and potentially devastate a child if you bring one into the mix. Don't do it.

Also, you'll likely find that your family don't really care that much anyway. Nobody really cares about other people's weddings.

Call it off, definitely. If your relationship is like this now, it’ll will awful in years to come.

Surely your family would be more upset if you married someone who doesn’t support you and who makes you unhappy? I’d much rather my kids cancelled weddings than went ahead in this situation.