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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that MIL has behaved inappropriately?

28 replies

Notnormallysosensitive · 15/07/2018 00:12

Saw on fb recently that MIL has wished her current boyfriend happy birthday from my baby daughter without consulting my DH or myself first. She entitled the message 'to grandfather.....and love from my child's name 💙.' She added my daughter's photos to the post too. (She takes these from my page all the time.)

Just tell me am I being petty or should she have left it up to DH and I to wish her bf happy birthday from our daughter ourselves or at least ask us first if it was ok for her to do so?

DH didn't like the post either but he says it's done now....

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/07/2018 00:15

Well it's weird but I couldn't get worked up about it.

You could prevent her from looking at anything you post or tell her you're deleting her from Facebook because she does strange things with your photos.

Original poster
Notnormallysosensitive · 15/07/2018 00:28

It's not the first time either she's been weird with photos! The baby has blue eyes like me, DH and MIL have brown, so MIL edits the baby's photos and reuploads them to her page after she's darkened them so that it looks like the baby has brown eyes instead!

Why would someone bother to go to all of that trouble!

Ok rant over. Fb restrictions from now on...

OP posts:
itsBritneyBeach · 15/07/2018 00:29

She edits your baby's eyes?! What the hell 😐

It's a bit weird tbf and maybe your DP should have a word

cariadlet · 15/07/2018 00:30

Why on earth would a grandparent think it's ok to send a message from their grandchild? That's something for parents to do if they want. She's definitely overstepped the mark.

And the eye colour thing is very weird.

InsomniacAnonymous · 15/07/2018 00:31

Shock Changing the colour of your baby's eyes in photos so that they match hers and her son's is one of the most outrageous and unacceptable things I've ever read on here.

Original poster
Notnormallysosensitive · 15/07/2018 00:35

It's so childish! The baby has no control over her eye colour Hmm

DH response was "maybe she likes that filter?"

I gave up lol. Then I came on here to vent!

OP posts:
ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 15/07/2018 00:36

The editing the baby's photo is strange, no matter how much she edits the photos your baby isn't going to magically look like her finished picture...

Op is this a long term.boyfriend of mil that she has been seeing years and years or is he new on the scene?..

Have you spoken to mil about it (editing the baby photos and calling her boyfriend your baby's grandad without your consent, and putting g your baby's photo online without asking you?

ParkheadParadise · 15/07/2018 00:37

@Notnormallysosensitive

Never mind the birthday message your MIL sounds bonkers. Why would she edit photos.

Ssssurvey · 15/07/2018 00:41

Is she putting a filter on the whole picture or just editing eyes ( there is a big difference ) ?

Celticmombella · 15/07/2018 00:41

@Notnormallysosensitive
Just change her from friend on Facebook to acquaintance... Then she is still ur friend but can't see all your posts and photos.

Ssssurvey · 15/07/2018 00:42

Sorry just re-read darkening the whole photo

Returnofthesmileybar · 15/07/2018 00:46

Changing the eye colour of your baby is not childish - it's fucking all kinds of crazy!!! You honestly need to just say "Look mil, your behaviour around our child's photos on FB is not normal or right, from now on you post absolutely NO photos of our children on ANY social media, this is not up for discussion"

Seriously, I am not ott about photos on FB but your mil definitely needs to be told to cop on

Gemini69 · 15/07/2018 00:48

Block the crazy woman Flowers

confusedmomm · 15/07/2018 00:49

The bday wishes wouldn't bother me but the eye colour business, that would! I'd Restrict her from seeing posts and photos if that was me, and if she questions it just be honest about it.

Original poster
Notnormallysosensitive · 15/07/2018 01:07

I'll change my fb settings, I just needed to hear that I'm not being petty by blocking her if and when she finds out!

Cheers all for listening!

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 15/07/2018 01:12

She sounds odd. My Ds's gran dyed her hair the same colour as his and told everyone he got it from her. She has dark brown hair and dyed it pale ginger. It was as if she forgot anyone knew her before he was born and knew she had dark hair!
Post divorce I still find it weird. She's back to brown now

doleritedinosaur · 15/07/2018 01:13

Just report her comment & then it will most likely be deleted.

Changing eye colour is absolutely off her nut though.

elliejjtiny · 15/07/2018 01:35

The birthday thing is a bit odd.

The photoshopping thing is creepy

thebewilderness · 15/07/2018 02:02

Making free with other people's photos of their children is very inappropriate. FB will take it down for you and you need to put the kid pics in a private folder.

emmyrose2000 · 15/07/2018 03:24

The baby has blue eyes like me, DH and MIL have brown, so MIL edits the baby's photos and reuploads them to her page after she's darkened them so that it looks like the baby has brown eyes instead!

She sounds batshit! This is not normal behaviour in any way, shape, or form. I'd definitely confront her over that. I'd also report those photos to facebook and have them taken down if she refuses. Also tell her not to use your baby in posts that have nothing to do with her.

I'd also block or restrict her on facebook. Restricting might be better - don't let her see anything else of yours, but keep her on your list so you can see what other crazy things she does and report her if necessary.

sugarnotsweetener · 15/07/2018 04:53

Yes your MIL is weird I would restrict too.

Mine isn’t savvy and would never know how to use filters etc so I wonder if she’d have tried this if she knew how but when my DD was born she said “oh I hope her eyes stay blue like mine” (my eyes are brown) and then every time she came over she’d say “yes she’s definitely keeping her blue eyes like me” they eventually turned brown and funnily enough are still brown now so I’m hoping she doesn’t see this and realise there’s a way she could get them to be blue in pics Grin

Sammyham88 · 15/07/2018 05:06

Grin sorry OP but definitely made me laugh over the MIL editing your DD eye colour! You're 100% in the right but for the peace I'd ignore and take the higher ground

KC225 · 15/07/2018 05:31

Yes it's odd behaviour. The one who should worry is the boyfriend - those are some 'stalkerish' tendencies.

Copperbonnet · 15/07/2018 05:31

I’d say nothing about the message but quietly restrict her access to your FB.

PapaLazarousWife · 15/07/2018 05:37

Both would annoy me to be honest. I find it really cringy when people sign cards from babies that have no concept of events like birthdays. I'd go from annoyed to livid if "grandad" was a new love interest rather than an established partner.

Editing your baby's pic is awful though, she sounds very insecure and childish.

My MIL is so bad on Facebook my DH and I have blocked her just so that we don't constantly feel wound up by her. I'd really recommend it!! She used to re post every single pic we posted to her massive friends list of everyone she'd ever fleetingly met. She then moved on to sharing every status I posted on my own profile on her wall for some reason. By this I mean not generic memes but my statuses that were only really relevant to me. From there she started sharing my friends photos of their kids on her wall! Friends from school who I hadn't seen for a few years and who she had never met or even heard of.

We tried to have a gentle chat her under the guise of giving a Facebook lesson to her as a new user and explaining she needed to click "like" rather than share. Unfortunately it became apparent she understood how to use Facebook, it was just boundaries she had an issue with, much like your MIL!