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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mad as hell

78 replies

LemonSherbet18 · 14/07/2018 21:42

This afternoon I was having a snooze when the police broke into the house. Apparently they had been knocking for some time (I didn't hear a thing). They had come around as some neighbours said they hadn't seen me in a while, to be clear we're not close and can go months without seeing one another. When I asked the police which neighbours they said they wanted to be anonymous.
Now I have a boarded up door to pay for, replacement of the glass and a passageway covered in bits of glass...goes to get dustpan and brush

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 15/07/2018 13:55

How the hell do you officially withdraw from social life etc.?

Lilacwine1 · 15/07/2018 14:03

I really don't understand why you didn't hear the police knock on the door. When they came to my house, to tell me my DM had been found dead in her home by the neighbours, the knock alone nearly took the door off it's hinges.

Redundancy1 · 15/07/2018 14:05

officially withdrew - she announced it to people via text or email or whatever. Some people found it hard to accept and she is an elderly lady who wound up with so-called friends banging on the door shouting "come out or we will call the police". Only her son getting involved stopped them calling police or whoever I think.

it was awful. My mother texts about twice a year just to check she is okay, and also the lady likes to check on me bless her, I was treated for depression and anxiety so she occasionally sends a "hello" but apart from that, she has told everyone she wants to be left alone. I don't know why they won't respect it.

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/07/2018 14:08

It’s unfortunate, but we have to cover ourselves. Can you imagine if they’d knocked, you didn’t answer because you were lying upstairs having slipped on the wet bathroom floor, they then left and you subsequently died? Sounds dramatic but that’s the blame culture we live in!

There are strict rules about when we can and can’t force entry. For anything criminal we need to believe you’re in the house. The only circumstances where that’s not necessary is to potentially save life/limb, or to prevent serious damage to property eg a leaking pipe in your house.

Maelstrop · 15/07/2018 14:08

I find it strange that the police even bothered to come out for something like this. They usually don't seem to care what happens to innocent members of the public!

What an absolutely stupid thing to say! My DH has been called in similar circumstances. The old lady had fallen and had been laid for 24 hours unable to get up again. Another time, he found a suicide victim; the poor guy had been there for almost 2 months.

Yes, it’s extremely unfortunate that the police broke down the OP’s door and I think there should be a fund to replace doors in this case. However, if the police didn’t respond to calls for welfare, there would be dozens of frail and vulnerable people left on the floor. Social services are massively overstretched and yes, often the police are ‘used’ to prop up the failure of the structures. Please do fuck off with your dumb statements about the police.

Redundancy1 · 15/07/2018 14:10

@HopefullyAnonymous

I get that, but would the police not try ringing first or at least visit a couple of times before breaking down the door? All it is that a neighbour has reported not seeing someone. Could there even be a check on mobile phone or bank or something before actually breaking the door down?

HollowTalk · 15/07/2018 14:10

But wouldn't your neighbours have seen lights on in the evening?

steppemum · 15/07/2018 14:12

hmm, I am in two minds about this.

I once lived downstairs, and an old lady lived up stairs. Not that old, seemed fine in good health etc. But I hardly ever saw her, I worked FT and she didn't leave flat in evenings

One Saturday morning her friend knocked on my door. Lady upstairs had phoned and said she wasn't up to going out, and could friend buy her a loaf of bread and a pint of milk. This was not unusual apparently.
When friend tried to drop it off, she couldn't get an answer at the door. Eventually she knocked on my door. I called the police. Police broke in and found her unconscious, she had had a stroke. She died a few days later in hospital.

HoleyCoMoley · 15/07/2018 14:15

Welfare visits are fine but op says they are not a vulnerable person, surely the concerned anon neighbour could phone first, ask around or knock on the door themselves a few times to see if the person is ok. Wouldn't the police want to know about the person, their age, any known medical problems, any mobility issues, any known mental health issues. Wouldn't they also ask what attempts had been made to contact that person.

Redundancy1 · 15/07/2018 14:16

@steppemum

that's a completely different situation - there was a good reason to know there was a problem. Doesn't compare at all to what OP said.

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/07/2018 14:20

If you were laid out on the floor sick or injured would you want to wait hours/days for us to cut through all the red tape to access your phone and bank records? Assuming permission would be granted -it definitely wouldn’t- Can you imagine all the people who would the view this as a massive invasion of privacy? The police were obviously satisfied with the account given by neighbours that there were sufficient grounds for concern. They will have knocked first. Multiple times.

callymarch · 15/07/2018 14:21

A few weeks ago a friend hadn't seen her neighbour in a couple of days. Not an elderly lady, single mum. Neighbours were becoming concerned, called police and yes, they did end up bashing the door in. Found the poor woman dead upstairs in bed. It does happen.

Sarahjconnor · 15/07/2018 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoleyCoMoley · 15/07/2018 14:31

Hopefully, it would be helpful for op to know what the neighbour said, what made the police decide there was cause for concern. I wouldn't expect my door to be kicked in just because I hadn't been seen for a few days if there was nothing wrong with me. If that was the case my door would be broken into every time I went on holiday or to see my family.

Redundancy1 · 15/07/2018 14:32

@HopefullyAnonymous

thanks. I was honestly just asking a question, not criticising. I don't know what's quicker for you to do and sort - I'm not police, I have no idea. That's why I asked.

at least I know for my own future to have a regular check in point. I feel very sorry for OP that this has happened because people she's not even friends with got their boxers in a knot.

diddl · 15/07/2018 14:36

I think it's very unusual/unfortunate that you didn't hear the police knocking.

Do you have a car that hasn't been moved for a while?

As a pp put, odd that they haven't noticed lights on/off curtains/windows opened.

Wonder if they have knocked at all themselves?

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/07/2018 14:43

OP May never know what was said, or by whom. If I’d attended the call, a report from neighbours who said they hadn’t seen their neighbours for a couple of days when they normally would, they were sure they weren’t on holiday and seemed genuinely concerned would be enough. Assuming the neighbours aren’t either malicious or a bit odd, they must have genuinely been worried?

Existing vulnerabilities, age or health concerns wouldn’t necessarily factor; my dad was fit and healthy and dropped dead of a heart attack aged 45 🤷‍♀️ it can happen to anyone.

HoleyCoMoley · 15/07/2018 14:46

OP states that theyn are not socially close to neighbours and can go for months without seeing each other

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2018 14:47

I'm also not sure about this. When the police are checking if someone is in, they are very loud indeed. They don't fuck about before they break in, did you hear it and just not want to answer?

In addition, don't your neighbours see lights? Movement, putting the bins out, going out and coming back?

If you're very reclusive and didn't want to answer, I think I can understand better.

diddl · 15/07/2018 14:51

It's the not knowing what they may have done before calling the police.

When I was concerned about a neighbour I went to another who knew him better.

They had contact details for his daughter (who had a key), so no need for the police.

diddl · 15/07/2018 14:53

"They don't fuck about before they break in,"

Does that mean that they don't give long to get to the door?

I often check out of the window before I answer the door!

Halfblindbunny · 15/07/2018 14:57

*They don't fuck about before they break in,"

Does that mean that they don't give long to get to the door?*

No it means they bang really loudly on the front door, back door, side door, Windows, look through the windows, ask the neighbours. They only force entry if there is immediate danger or after extensive attempts to avoid breaking in.

LanguidLobster · 15/07/2018 14:58

I had a welfare check once, there wasn't anything amiss I just didn't answer my phone for a week. Everything was fine, it was just that I was preoccupied with something else and didn't feel like speaking to anyone.

Luckily the patio doors were open so although I was slightly bemused at having a policeman wander in no damage was done.

I didn't realise they didn't recompense for smashed doors, sorry OP, I'd be mad too

Norma27 · 15/07/2018 14:59

A few years ago one of our neighbours rang the police as they hadn’t seem them for a few days and the dog was barking.
They broke in to find they had fallen over and died in there.

HopefullyAnonymous · 15/07/2018 15:03

OP might go months without seeing the neighbours, that’s not to say they don’t regularly see her coming and going. As I said, unless they are malicious or odd, which OP doesn’t mention, we can only assume their intentions were good.

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