AIBU for not wanting to be sociable?

[Sallycinnamon17]

In laws are having a bbq tomorrow, when we agreed to go DH was available, now he has an unexpected sports event leaving me to go alone with DD. All DH’s family will be there, problem is I have nothing in common with any of them plus I’m pretty reserved!. AIBU to skip the bbq as well or will I come across as rude?.
Pretty sure they all call me rude and a snob behind my back anyway. That’s definitely not the case I just can’t bare to force myself to try and think of conversations to have or the alternative of sitting there with DD on my lap in silence . Just to add they don’t bother to get me involved in any conversations anyway so makes the situation worse and it’s just as bad when DH is there!.

Either you've decided to go watch DH at his strategically-planned event or DD isn't well with the heat and would be better staying at home with you. I'd suggest the latter.

So dh has an unexpected sporting event and you’re left with his family? If you got along and wanted to go I’d go but if you’re uncomfortable why should you whilst he swans off doing something he wants to?

Doesn't sound fun for anyone. I'd wake up with an iffy tummy and not want to risk passing on germs to everyone.

Sometimes I actually think DH hates his family too. The sporting event was unexpected and not something I can spectate. He was playing it today and didn’t expect to get to the next round (trying not to give much away that can be revealing).
I’m definitely thinking of an illness excuse, I’d love to go and get along with everyone but I’m tired of making the effort. As I mentioned I’m pretty reserved but that’s just normally in the initial few months of meeting someone then I come across as extremely confident (this is what I’ve been told) it just takes me a while to get used to peoples ways and to find common ground. With DH’s family this just hasn’t happened unfortunately. I don’t know what their problem is with me and as far as I know I’ve not insulted them. I’m glad people don’t think I’m being unreasonable about it.

I don't have anything in common with my in laws but I can manage an afternoon of small talk about the weather etc. Are you unable to ask them how they are and what they're up to? That doesn't require you to give away your secrets, it's just having a basic interest in your fellow human beings.

You say they don't involve you in their conversation but that be because you don't engage with them so they don't bother. Turn the situation around, they might be surprised by you turning up alone and might make the effort to chat.

I wouldn't go. I only ever see DH's family with him. No way would I socialise with them without him.

Just tell them you can all no longer make it. No need to go into details.

I'm going against the grain a bit and saying I think you should go. They've gone to the trouble of preparing it all, and you all agreed to go. One person dropping out is one thing, but 3 makes a bigger impact. I think this is about your dd's relationship with her wider family. I know I will get shot down here, but I've always done what I can to enable my dcs' relationship with the wider family, even when I've got several things I'd rather be doing than going there.

I wouldn't go op! Why put urself through any extra stress or feeling uncomfortable if ur husbands not bothering to go and it's his family. No need to make up any excuses i'd just tell them or get ur dh to tell them that u all won't be going. Life's too short to spend an afternoon feeling drained by trying to make small talk an get along with in laws!! Don't forget u only know eachother because of ur husband if it weren't for him u wouldn't associate with them by the sounds of it.
Enjoy a fun relaxing Sunday with ur dd.

I do go and visit members of the family each week for the sake of DD so she can interact with her cousins but even then it’s awkward. I think the problem may be that they’re quite intimidating and most of what I say is judged. I do start off conversations with the usuals ‘how have you been’, ‘did you do such and such’, ‘lovely weather’ etc then it goes stale. Maybe the problem does lie with me, I just know that I try my best, there’s often been times where I’ve been mid sentence with a group of them and they’ve literally started a new conversation over me. DD isn’t at an age where they will have provided for her at the party so it’ll be just two people dropping out. I may go just to show face then make a swift exit, it just makes me upset that they’re such a contrast from my own family. They also have some pretty strange ways but I suppose that’s another thread in itself.

Don't go. Life is short. Invest in what you love.

Don’t go, simple

Actually feeling a lot less guilty now reading these replies. Felt guilty because I actually got a bit excited about going when I though we were going as a family. We more often than not get left out of DH’s family’s plans, days out with all his siblings, invites round to dinner etc. We’re all part of a family message group where evidence of this gets posted as they’re taking place so no effort to hide the fact we’ve not been invited. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive about that bit.