AIBU to not want to be pressured to look young?

[Nearly47]

Ok. I am trying couple of summer dresses I bought for upcoming trip. H& M, Zara. 1 couple of inches above knee and another half inch above knee. Asked husband opinion and he said that the longer one makes me look old. Over the years I've been told that I look younger for my age but considering that I am in my late forties I think is hight time that I and my husband accept that I am no longer a young woman and be happy with that. I got really upset with him. He was gushing about the shorter dress, how great it was that it made me look younger. It's hard enough to grow old and harder if everyone around see aging as a sin. AIBU to be really annoyed at this. Don't know if explained well but really angry.

YANBU I agree with you. Why is looking young the be all and end all. Your dh better get used to the fact you're going to look older in the end. It's better than the alternative as they say.
Get older with pride. Why should people feel ashamed of it.

I don't understand the being annoyed at it. Did the comment make you feel insecure like his head would be turned by an apparently younger woman?

Yep. I'm starting to grey and people look at me like I've lost it when I say that I don't have plans to colour my hair. I'm in my thirties.

Whether you look young or old, you'll never win. I always get told I look young for my age, someone told me I looked 12 the other day. Safe to say at 28 with my 2 year old DD with me, I didn't take it as a compliment. I think I'd love to look more mature but even when that does happen, I'm sure people will still make their judgements/comments at how I'm still not meeting some expectation. So no, growing older isn't a sin at all, love it and shove anyone else who says otherwise.

YANBU. I was livid with facebook when I started getting ads for facelifts, tummy tucks, boob jobs, nose jobs, and botox and collagen - when I was 44-45 y.o!

Ummm excuse me, maybe I am happy with how I look?! I didn't look 21 anymore, or even 31, and did look near to my age, but I was happy with my looks, and my little wrinkles and LOOKING MY AGE. I don't need to try and look 29.

And IMO, the vast majority of women who have 'procedures' to look younger, don't look younger, they just end up looking weird. And if they start young (like mid to late 20's,) by the age of 35-ish, they look 10 years older.

The pressure for women to stay looking younger is immense. Probably because men seem to (apparently) find younger women attractive.

Many men (40 plus,) love their wives (who are a similar age,) and are still attracted to them, even though they are 'ageing,' but if they split up with them, they seem to want a woman who is younger. Not sure why.

Maybe someone (a man if there is one here) can enlighten me?

@DollyTots

I always get told I look young for my age, someone told me I looked 12 the other day. Safe to say at 28 with my 2 year old DD with me, I didn't take it as a compliment.

Nobody, I mean NObody who is 2 years off their 30's looks TWELVE.

Either the person who told you this is taking the piss out of you, or you are taking the piss out of us.

Id be annoyed too OP.

Sorry but it also says something about a young woman stereotype he has in his head.

I would never say to someone's face that they looked 12 but for some reason that's the age my friends and I use hyperbolically to say someone looks young – to be specific to say that they look too young for something, eg have a 2 year old child – so I believe it!

I can’t believe that one and a half inches of dress length would make you look that much younger anyway!

I don’t want to look any older than I have to. But I wouldn’t have surgery or Botox either.

I guess I would also be annoyed, but I suppose he was trying to say the dresses were less flattering, and a way people learn to express that, especially once a woman is past, I dunno, mid 30s maybe, is in terms of it looking 'old/ageing'. And we should probably can that. No one talks about it with men.

I am a person who is confident in how I look (not, I should add, because I look like a supermodel or anything) and I'm 40 now but I admit there are certain things I steer clear of as I think they're really styles for the kids not me, and also things that I think might be more ageing on me - for example I have had cropped short hair until my mid 30s when I started growing it. I always looked very young, and having it cropped made me look a bit more mature, but long hair feels right for me now as I think really short hair might a bit severe on me.

All that said, I'm still keeping my frayed denim mini skirt, mutton be damned

I've met 2 people on the last week who ate both within 2 years of my age, one older one younger, burn look 10 years younger than me. It's been a weird wakeup that I have my father's and not my mother's ageing process. I do not look young for my age. And so I move on.

Hem lengths are a bugbear of mine.

I've watched a few of the style slots on "This Morning" and they always put Women in short stuff. When they object, the attitude is "if you've got good legs, show them off", even when the Woman is saying repeatedly that she doesn't like the length and would never wear it.

The shape of Women swim wear has come up as a topic of conversation lately. My DD (20) and some of her friends don't want to wear knicker shaped swimwear and there isn't an explanation how it came about and there is so little choice.

I like woman who look young for their age but it's not always easy, I dye my hair and I'm having facial fillers on Tuesday, Sadly, women are judged by their looks, although I'm slightly overweight (haven't worked out how to sort that one out yet).

I don't think it is about the dresses being flattering or not. Is the youthfulness of the dress. The one he liked is youthful style dress, shorter, light colours. The other flower print, knee length more mature look. But not a bad look. I actually prefer the longer dress. But I do believe he is ageist and not only when it comes to me. He hates the idea of growing old. But although I like to look nice I sincerely admire older women who accepts their aging. And look good on their skin. What I mean is that I want to be a mature, reasonably attractive women. Not someone that is fighting of ageing. I told him if he wants a young wife he needs to go find another one.

OP well said
I know mum dyes her hair because dad hates grey on women. Git.

I won't be dyeing mine either. I think as a society, the strong anti ageing message spread is nasty.

@Birdsgottafly
"My DD (20) and some of her friends don't want to wear knicker shaped swimwear and there isn't an explanation how it came about and there is so little choice."

I'm a bit confused by this, swimwear and knickers come in a range of styles?

@Birdsgottafly

Sorry I've got the giggles now

I picture Sheldon Cooper saying to a store assistant "could you explain how this swimwear came into existence?"

Have you thought about leaving him behind when you go shopping? He sounds like he's projecting his own fear of ageing on to you. I think it sounds a bit shit when you're trying something on and someone says it makes you look old. As if old=unattractive. Having said that, I think a lot of men would happily see someone dolled up in a red leather miniskirt or whatever, irrespective of their age because that's just the way they roll.

@LavendarGreen

She seriously said 12. She was the owner of the clothes shop I was browsing. I normally get 18/19 but 12 was a new one on me too. It was only after the fact and purchasing something, I realised I was actually pissed off

@DollyTots

She seriously said 12. She was the owner of the clothes shop I was browsing. I normally get 18/19 but 12 was a new one on me too. It was only after the fact and purchasing something, I realised I was actually pissed off

Well she was obviously taking the piss, because NO person 2 years off their 30's looks TWELVE. That is ridiculous. She was probably just having a laff. As someone said earlier, when someone looks young, like a teacher or policeman, people say 'jeeez, I must be getting old, that cop looks about 10 years old!' It's just a joke, and they obviously don't.

Don't know many people who are nearly 30 who look 18 either. They may do at first glance, but on close inspection, you will look like someone in your mid to late 20's.

I have seen women of 40-ish before, who look quite trendy and young (like 28-30,) and then when you see them close up, you can see their age. Most people look their age, and no-one looks more than 8-10 years younger. Not when you look properly. Why would they?

I am also very baffled as to why this woman who you don't know, even knew your age, and why she would comment on it anyway. I mean, did you walk in the store with your 2 y.o. toddler, and say 'Hi I am Dolly, I am 28.' And then did the woman answer back with 'Gosh you look MUCH younger, I would have said you were no more than 12.'

Can't get my head round any of it, and am struggling to believe it happened tbh.

@aaatozedd,
He wasn't in the shop with me. It was at home. I don't like trying clothes in shops. Prefer to take home and return when they don't fit.
You probably right about the red miniskirt thing. Sometimes he got me some gifts that made me wonder if he thinks I am fifteen.
Thinking about it maybe I am annoyed at how hard will be to be a middle aged woman with a man that sees growing old as something you suposed to be embarrassed about. I've never lied about my age. I am "lucky" in the sense I look young ( brown, slightly oily skin) so not many wrinkles yet. But this won't last forever and although I don't mind people that like to use surgery, filters or whatever makes them feel good I am not like that and don't want the pressure to have to do it. I use minimal makeup if any at all. I wouldn't consider any anti age surgery ( OK considered having a tommytuck after pregnancy ruined my once lovely, flat stomach. But got scared as it is such big procedure). Anyway. Thanks everyone that commented. I think I knew I was right to be annoyed and will try to concentrate on not listening to these negative opnions about my age. Keep fit and use as many knee length dresses as I want. Or maybe I will start to shop on the same store as his mum and see how he takes it

YANBU OP.

I am 41 and since hitting 40, it seems people think it’s fine to comment on my looks all the time, even negatively.
The worst is the rather back-handed compliment ‘oh, you should wear contacts all that time, you look much better/younger’. I look perfectly fine in my glasses and I like wearing them.
It’s difficult to avoid this obsession with keeping young looking and I do find myself thinking about Botox - ridiculous!
My DH said a wonderful thing on this topic to me recently.
We were out and I commented that I had thought about getting rid of my frown lines between my eyebrows, that I’d been wondering about Botox.
First he laughed. He said he thinks I look nice. Then he said I’d always had those lines since he’s known me at the age of 20. He said he liked all my lines as they were a part of who I am and that I wouldn’t be me without them. (He also said he thinks Botox makes people look unnatural and awful which wasn’t quite such a nice thing to say but it’s sometimes true).

lavendar lots of people say “you look 12!” as a jokey way of saying someone looks young. It’s hyperbole, as a pp said. Not really so baffling.

@lavender last year I posted a picture of my face on a thread on here, I was immediately bombarded with "omfg why are you posting photos of children on here" "reported for the fact you've uploaded a photo of a child" I was 23 but nobody on the thread believed I was any older than 14

You look about 12 is just something alot of people say when someone looks really young. It's not meant to be taken literally FFS

I totally agree with you OP. Someone actually suggested to me that I get botox but frankly, I looked pretty good when I was young and it got me nowhere, I don't think looking good is worth the aggro and anyway I'm too chicken to get it because I wouldn't want to take the risk of messing with my face. I actually get a bit fed up with it being the norm to try to look young for your age, I'll take looking my age thanks.