To ask if I’m in the wrong?

[MayContainBrain]

Friend (let’s call her Jane) of 10+ years has moved back to our home town recently after living 300 odd miles away for a few years. She has had an incredibly rough time- her now exH was abusive (nobody had any idea), she is now a single parent to 4 kids under 5 and has a bad drug addiction.

Before she moved home, a mutual friend (let’s call her Denise) came to visit me as she has family where she has been living and when she visited her family would visit friend as well. She warned me to keep away from Jane when she came home due to the drug addiction as she had form for stealing money off people, things out of people’s houses to sell etc. Denise does has a habit to shit stir and is a very jealous person and has always believed she is closer to Jane then me and any of our other friends.

Anyway- Jane came to visit as soon as she was home (same day in fact). I suggested to her she came round alone so we could chat- I’m an incredibly non judgemental person and as long as someone is honest about what they have done, I can forgive them/see past it. Jane admitted she did steal money off Denise, but paid her back which Denise denied. I decided to believe Jane because she was honest about what she did and what I mentioned previously about Denise.

Anyway- the point of this thread. I have a petty cash box at home that I keep £50 in for emergencies. Jane asked to lend some money and I gave her £10- when I went to check, another £20 was missing. There was 10000000% two £20 notes and a £10 in the box before she came as I had put £200 in there the night before for my DP and when I gave him it the £50 was in there.

Jane says she has taken £10 and my DP must of stolen it. DP didn’t know until the other night where I kept the cash box so people could say it is a coincidence and because he knew where it was located decided to help himself to £20. I showed Jane where I got the cash box out of, but then hid it somewhere else but I remember thinking I could hear floorboards creaking by my bathroom door as I hid it (there’s a storage cupboard under the bath)

I asked my DP and he insisted he didn’t take it and I didn’t argue with him about it- but as I pointed out to Jane, she has form for doing this. Jane has been giving DP threatening phone calls, DP wanted to go to the police and I managed to talk him down- regardless of what she has done, I couldn’t get her children taken into care which could happen

I’ve told Jane to leave me alone and pay me £30 back on Monday when she gets paid from work and to leave it with my mum as I don’t want to see her. She doesn’t understand I can’t believe her because she has stolen in the past

AIBU?

Why the feck would you show her the cash-box? Was it to taunt her or something? I think you probably wanted this to happen. I presume SS are already involved- I would find it hard to believe they wouldn't be if the mum is addicted to drugs. I doubt her nicking 20 pounds would make a difference as to whether the kids go into care and the police would laugh in your face if you reported theft of a sum that small.

Just accept the money is gone and try not to be such an idiot in the future.

The bit that seems odd to me is that you seem to think seriously your DP might have 'helped himself' from the cash box.

Honestly? You're an idiot for 1) loaning her money 2) showing her where the cash box was (even if you hid it again) 3) not calling SS. SS don't just take kids away. They protect them from shit like a drug addicted mother by getting them and her help.

Don't ask for the money back, this is your fault and you have no proof. Then call SS and stay well away from Jane (and Denise).

If SS arent involves then please ring them.
But I would forget about the £20 and make sure I didnt invite any more drug addicts with form for stealing money from friends into my house

nice to help folk but this woman is taking the right royal pss

You were very very naive to not have listened to your other friend, she warned you that this would happen.

You also owe your husband a huge apology, the fact you took a drug addicts word over his is quite shocking. Most drug addicts are compulsive liars.

Why keep the cash box hidden from your dp? Why so much cash around the house? Were you setting Jane up to fail? Or are do you need to immac your hands?

We spend quite a bit of cash money down the week. Take away friday night. Bread and milk from local shop that dd collects. Lunch money for dh as he loses bank cards. I draw £100 a week out of cash machine, about £30 gets used friday the rest.down the week. Why do you need a cash box in the first place?

@Frouby

What do you mean, why so much cash? The OP keeps £50 in, and then another £200. I keep £5000 in my safe in my bedroom. It's sensible; if the banks close/collapse or I lose my purse so can't use the ATM and the banks are closed, then I've got cash for emergencies etc. The OP is not keeping "so much" cash in her house. She is keeping quite a small amount. It is certainly not the point of the thread so leave her alone.

Cash boxes normally have keys. That’s the point of them. Did you leave it unlocked deliberately? As a test?

Well you can't be surprised since Denise warned you. You owe her an apology. As for Jane, I would write off the £30 as a lesson learned. Your chances of being repaid are little to zero and I would stop being friends with her.

I agree with Rocinante1

I don't think it's sensible to keep 5k.in cash. Paranoid maybe. Banks are protected up.to so many k now in case they collapse. I have bank accounts with halifax, yorkshire and Santander. And credit cards with barclay and m and s. So I doubt very much I would starve to death.

I think £250 cash is quite a lot actually. £50 to a £100 maybe. But not £250 in cash. And especially not when you seem to need to hide it from a dp and drug taking friends.

If she knew she was going to lend the friend money why not have it ready? Why take it from a cashbox? Why not hide it better? Why no key to cashbox? Why not spilt it up?

On the odd occasion I have had lrge amounts of cash in the house I have spilt it up into seperate envelopes in seperate hidey places until I could get to the bank.

Of course, she'll now say that she gave the money to your mum, and she will have stolen it!

I doubt you'll get any of the money back OP. You were incredibly naive and a behaved in a very foolish way, considering that you had been given a warning. And I think you owe Denise an apology.

Don't see Jane again.

Jane says she has taken £10 and my DP must of stolen it.

It's inutterably stupid to show a self-confessed thief your money jar, even if you do move it.

What were you thinking, OP?

Write off the money, ghost Jane and wise up.

@Frouby

It's relative to your lifestyle and needs. To me, £5000 isn't a lot. And I run a business - if I lost my purse (so therefore all my atm cards) and had a supplier to pay that day, then I'd rather have the cash sitting securely in a safe than have to say "can you wait until Monday when I can get to the bank". It's also for if I die; I know that my kids would be provided for without anyone having to deal with accessing my accounts and without anyone being out of pocket for their expenses while things are sorted out. To me, that's sensible, not paranoid.
And yes, money is protected, but you wouldn't be able to get it back that same day. And id still need cash to rub my business.