To wish the tears would come!

[Wishtheywouldfall]

Hi all, I’m using this as a bit of self counselling I hope that’s ok?

My home situation is dire, I’m stuck in a relationship I can’t leave for very many reasons with a selfish bully.

I don’t want to drip feed but that pretty much sums it up. I can’t talk to him, he shouts and becomes aggressive, he’s not interested in me, he just suits himself all the time - going out most weekends playing golf all weekend. It goes on.

We had a horrible row last night - I just wanted to try and make things better as we’ve not spoken all week, he just starts shouting straight away and he said the most horrible things.

Please don’t just say LTB - I can’t I just can’t loads of reasons.

Thing is I can’t cry - I feel like a pressure cooker and I just want to let it all out but I can’t. I rarely cry anyway but is this me holding back?

Please don’t think I’ve just got a problem with him doing his own thing. I really don’t mind him having time to himself, it’s the nasty stuff that goes with it.

I know you said you can’t LTB, so you need to formulate a way in which you can share lives equally again, or prepare an exit plan for when you can LTB.

I would suggest writing a list of reasons why you can stay with him, and a list of blockers to why you can’t leave. Then break it down in a mindmap kind of way - a bit like a child would constantly ask “why?”
This might help you get to the root cause of the problem and the solution will be a lot easier to see.

I know this advice is quite generic; and probably not much use to your specific situation, but I didn’t want to read and run.

As for the not crying - perhaps your body/emotions are in survival mode and won’t allow it? I know this has happened to me before. Strangely, when I was free of worry and finally in a good place, I cried my eyes out and experienced something along the lines of ptsd!?!?

Hugs for you

Try posting in the Relationships section; you'll get more responses.

HTH.

Can totally relate to some parts, I live with a depressed partner and have no real option to leave. I have over thought things many times recently and realised how cold and hard I’ve made myself which is why I only cry when I feel he’s pushed and pushed me to my lowest. You do need to find yourself some ‘you’ time to build back up your mental strength but I know that’s easier said than done.

Not much to say to help, didn't want to read and run.
Could you take up a hobby or join a group such as WI or take evening classes or join a choir/art group. So you can make friends outside your relationship. Maybe it will help, maybe it will make your partner slightly respect you more, or help you to find ways to slowly build up your own self confidence and self worth, which can then lead to a plan to improve your relationship/leave it in time.
to you