anyone else despise DPs computer games?

[SaffronSands]

DP plays on his PlayStation, all the time. I think he's a little addicted as he spends AT LEAST 2 hours a night playing on it. We never go to bed at the same time (and I never go to bed earlier than 10). On the weekend he will stay up until 1am playing and I will get up in the morning with HIS daughter to get her dressed and sort her breakfast etc. I don't mind doing this and actually quite enjoy it but part of me feels that he should be spending this morning time with his DD.

Anyone else have a partner who is obsessed with video games?

We have our first DC together on the way and I'm dreading the PlayStation even being in the house.

My husband is a PC gamer, we usually watch a few episodes of something then I go to bed or have a read then he plays his games. It works for us cause we both have our obsessions.

Also op , make sure you approach the chat from a "let's talk about your hobby time" pov rather than a "I want to throw the machine off of the balcony" one! I'm not saying that you would but I know that it's easy to speak irrationally when something is grating on you

Also we do have a toddler and another one on the way, I get up with her on Saturdays and he gets up with her on Sundays (even if he has been up to all hours)

He try's not to game on a Monday night and get an early night. I don't see anything wrong with him gaming. He could be out at bars and getting shit faced but he's not he's online gaming with his friends

The gaming isn’t the problem it is the affect that excessive time spent on a hobby is having on family life.

Having said that, ex-H was a gamer (in fact he makes games). He used to set himself up every night for a session of gaming whilst he looked after newborn DD and I got an unbroken stretch of sleep. Worked really well!

Before I met my OH he was a professional gamer. Worked in gaming, breathed gaming. Lived with his parents and stayed up all night playing games, was moody bugger too.

Then we met, and his parents still say to this day was the best thing to happen to him. He started having a life, a real life. It was a huge adjustment for us both. He still played games, I too like games but not to a huge degree.

Anyways 7 years on, his gaming does bother me from time to time. Like you, I go to bed around 10pm he often goes on the PC to around 1am but we are having a baby in the next couple of weeks so things are going to change.

I have always told him, if you want to game 24/7 then be my guest but I'm not sticking around.. That often gives him a kick up the butt. You need to make him realise reality is better than this pretend life.

On the other hand I do give him his space to game and speak to his friends online, it could be worse he could be down the boozer spending lots of money or out clubbing all the time. It's his hobby so there has to be some give and take.

You’ve chosen to have a child with a man who has very, very clearly told you that he thinks housework and childcare is YOUR job. Why on earth would he change once you have a baby? His time is more important than yours. I couldn’t be with a man like this, I mean honestly, what’s the point of him? He doesn’t even care about his daughter.

I really don’t know what to suggest other than leaving him, but I don’t think you’re ready to do that.

My ex did this too. It was awful. He didnt know it was a game. He thought it was real. I'm sorry. Put your foot down now. Throw the stuff in the bin. If he can't manage his real life and his pretend life then one of them has to go.

Unfortunately op I can't see him changing. My DH is exactly the same and it's now at the point where I regularly consider leaving.
He always promised he would change before we had DD. Well she is over 1 now and nothing's changed tbh - if he is playing his game at night and on the headset and I'm busy/trying to sleep (8months pregnant) and DD starts kicking off he will either ignore her in the hope I will deal with her (which I usually do) or just gets stressed at her which doesn't help the situation at all because she is still a baby and needs comfort.
I don't begrudge him going on it, we all need things to do that we enjoy as adults, but staying up until 4am weekends playing and then not getting up until midday is not on for me. Once this baby arrives if nothing changes I will be looking to leave.

Sorry for the depressing rant op, just giving you my experience

I don’t think he will change.

Becoming a parent can change you, but he is already a parent and behaves this way.

Agree with PP. ExDH and ExDP both gamed a lot. On a beautiful sunny day like today they would be in bed until mid morning as so tired from being up all night gaming. And would want to game all day off and every evening. It’s soooo unsociable as well. Means the other person can’t watch tv or even be in the same room comfortably. It’s a v selfish hobby in my experience.

Having said that they are adults and I recognised that was what they liked to do and who was I to say housework, food shopping, a dog walk, couple time, or trip to the beach or outside things were more important. Essentially I recognised it was part of who they were, and I left. Both were upset and wanted to try and sort things out, but I just found the sheer lack of personal care/ responsibility (unable to get to bed and sleep to be alert for work etc, not eating properly as don’t want to break from game etc) so unsexy I knew we weren’t compatible long term. Who wants to be with someone who is nagging them over their hobby all the time?

I am now married to someone who has never even owned a games console and we have just 1 shared iPad. We both have our separate hobbies and down time, but not at the exspense of our health and well-being.

Sorry OP, but I see you having all the responsibility when the baby gets here too. People don't change bad habits because you ask them too, they become worse at it ime.

My partner trades a little bit, doesn't make money on it though. It used to annoy me a little before kids, but he saw his paternity leave as a chance to really get stuck in and spent most of it on his laptop when I had twin babies and a toddler! I was 'nagging' him by asking for help, but he didn't and still doesn't listen to me. His priorities are very different to mine, the same as you and your partner. I'm planning on leaving as soon as I can,life's too short to try to get a man to stand up and take responsibility when they don't want to.

I'm a gamer, but even I know when to take a break. Certainly couldnt play 12 hours straight. I'd constantly have headaches.

Oh God yes! DH plays PC games, some single player, some online with others. If it's not playing them, it's watching streams of other people playing them.

He is pretty good about doing his share with DS in the evenings and doesn't start playing until after DS is asleep and we've had our dinner but will often stay up late playing and then sleep in the next day - he has a very flexible job so him being late into the office doesn't matter, more's the pity! The thing that really pisses me off is when he's WFH and decides to play a game as a "break," except he always seems to be having a break when I go in to see him! I mind less if we've agreed I'll look after DS for a few hours while he plays (rare) but if I'm taking on extra childcare time so he can work, it's really annoying when he wastes it gaming!

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