Mother issues tonight. It may be me

[amber90]

I'm really prepared to hear that I'm being unreasonable here but either way would really appreciate some advice on how to deal with the situation now.

I spoke with my mother for the first time in a couple of weeks tonight after she got back from holiday yesterday. I hadnt heard from her at all when she was away which was fine but I was looking forward to speaking with her. I just started a new job with 4 10 1/2 hour shifts, finishing at 8.30 and have been exhausted when i finish. his is my first full time job for some years and I Really want it to work out. The days have seemed so long but I know I'll get used to it but for now it's been straight home, pjs, a bite to eat and a cuppa then bed.

Anyway, this evening when I spoke with her, she mentioned that a family member was in town next Friday and she'd told her I worked until late but I'd meet them for a drink after I finished work. I started to say I was afraid I'd have to make my excuses this time and could tell she was getting irritated and didnt want the argument so for some reason (I wish I hadnt), I quickly backtracked to say okay, let me know whats happening but it will just be for an hour. The conversation continued and then she mentioned just going to her house after I finish instead of meeting. This would mean more travel and a taxi/lift home and would have to be for more than an hour. I said I didnt want to do that and she went nuts. Began screaming at me to do what I liked and hung up. Immediately after, she rang me, thinking she was ringing someone else and started immediately ranting about how she'd spoken with "her" and how I'd got on her nerves already. I told her it was me and hung the phone up. I then received a text saying how much I had upset her and how she was trying to suit me by suggesting her place but to do what i like.

Sorry - this seems long and doesnt seem like a big deal but it's got me really upset. I feel like she's acting like a child and was in a bad mood from the get go but I may well be being selfish in just wanting to come home. I just want to come home to my other half who i only really spend time with at weekends now.

Either way I'm not sure what to do going forward.

I would be devastated if my Mum ranted about me like that to someone else. Who do you think she meant to call when she called you accidentally ? Really disloyal and hurtful.

She does sound unhinged. Does she often behave like that?

Very upsetting.

ScrubTheDecks
I see you are lucky enough not to be the child of a narcissist. I used to feel that way too. The things my mother says / has said about me would make your toes curl. This sort of behaviour is every day stuff for me. However she’s been awfully nice recently since i gave her a copy of the diagnosis of my illness which she denied for year - y’know a doctor says I have it....and disgnosed me a long time ago she just didn’t listen....

I would say she is anxious about the person who is the visiting family member and wanted you there to help deal with them hence the OTT anger when you said you couldn’t easily come. But if that’s the case it’s her problem, I would keep out of it.

I live in Mexico, many years ago a friend lived at home but came and went as he pleased, whereas his much older brother didn't have that same freedom. The thing was my friend never gave it to his mother's emotional blackmail and his brother did.

I now have an adult dd myself and I know that if she hadn't spelt out her boundaries to me I would probably still be treating her like a child.

Can i just advise the following.
It is not normal for a mother to scream or shout at her adult child.
She clearly has major issues herself and/or

Is she normally like this? If so you must be walking on egg shells around her.

She is being very unreasonable and rude. She is tantruming like a toddler and trying to make you feel bad so you conceed to her demand.