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Original poster

To ask for your help re DH and sleep

21 replies

selectivehearing · 13/07/2018 21:46

I need a solution please - posting here for traffic. I’ve name changed as I’m embarrassed someone will spot me.

We have newborn twins. DH not currently working so we take one each at night - he goes to the spare room with ‘his’ twin. DH is a VERY heavy sleeper. The idea is that we each deal with ‘our’ twin without waking up for the other. However DH doesn’t hear ‘his’ twin. When his twin cries, I hear it from the other side of the house. I have to get up, go into the spare room and shake him awake. When I walk in he’s usually snoring away, completely passed out, his head inches from a screaming baby.

This means I end up doing all the wake ups for both twins. What options do I have here? It’s driving me potty.

OP posts:
HarrietBasset · 13/07/2018 21:55

I have twins and it doesn't sound like your current set-up is working if your husband isn't waking up.
What worked for us was doing shifts so I'd go to bed at about 8.30 and my husband would stay up until 1 ish and then we'd swap over feeding both babies and settling them so we would both get a semi decent block of uninterrupted sleep.
Good luck!

Yumyumpigs · 13/07/2018 21:56

Well with our 2 I did most if the nights as oh was working. We had a spare room so and a bedroom each. Her have them on a Friday or a Saturday so I had a night off and a proper lie in at the weekend . He was never as responsive as me though still isn't. Until I had the babies I was a really heavy sleeper but they just have to sigh and I'm awake....

Not excusing but that's just me.

HubrisComicGhoul · 13/07/2018 22:00

I second the idea of sleeping in shifts, that's exactly what we did. DP never woke for the twins and it was the best way to guarantee i got sleep.

Stopitjuststopit2018 · 13/07/2018 22:03

Shifts sound better, but can you trust him to stay awake?

gekiort · 13/07/2018 22:04

Would your twins not settle better together?

trojanpony · 13/07/2018 22:08

Shifts definitely.

There should be at least 4 hours on/off maybe a 9-2 and a 2-7

he needs to stay the fuck awake during his and you should buy ear plugs for your “sleep shift”

OneEpisode · 13/07/2018 22:11

You said DH is not currently working? How long term is he going to be home for?

Allthewaves · 13/07/2018 22:26

I'd do shifts and invest in a vibrating baby monitor that will wake him

Original poster
selectivehearing · 13/07/2018 22:27

Thank you. The problem with shifts is that I don't know if he would stay awake. I can see him go 'oh I'll sit on the sofa while they're both sleeping' and he'll nod off. And we're back to square one. Also 'my' twin is breastfed (reason why they're mine), whereas his is mainly bottle fed as they don't latch well. So there's only so long I can go in the night without getting sore, although I should manage 4 hours in the near future.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 13/07/2018 22:27

Don't twins usually sleep better in same cot

Original poster
selectivehearing · 13/07/2018 22:28

@OneEpisode He's a contractor and his industry dries up a bit in the summer, so he usually has a few weeks off around this time of the year. No work planned for the next 4 weeks at present, although this can change at short notice.

OP posts:
Original poster
selectivehearing · 13/07/2018 22:29

Oh yes they sleep well together but the issue we're also having is that we can't fit a cot in our bedroom and they're getting too big (and it's too hot) to share the Next2Me. Any other solutions welcome.

OP posts:
HopefullyAnonymous · 13/07/2018 22:31

No experience of twins but it feels a bit odd seeing you call one yours and one his, particularly if it’s always the same twin.

OneEpisode · 13/07/2018 22:31

If he’s fit and we’ll he should be able to stay awake. Presumably he stays awake at work/during commute?

unintentionalthreadkiller · 13/07/2018 22:41

Is he working and what does he do?

When dts were small dh slept up in the spare room sun-thur and I dealt with them, fri- sat he did most of it and I helped out.

He's a teacher and nearly fell asleep at the wheel of the school mini bus full of other peoples kids. He couldn't carry on doing it.

I actually found it easier doing it by myself as I knew I had to if that makes sense.

Can you get a small cot in your room and put them in together. We had to take out a side table and shove the bed up against he wall to make it work.

This but doesn't last forever, so why you need to get through Thanks

unintentionalthreadkiller · 13/07/2018 22:42

Do what you need

unintentionalthreadkiller · 13/07/2018 22:44

Sorry, if he's not working he needs to bloody man up and deal with it.

Storminateapot · 13/07/2018 23:25

I had twins and we did the same thing - he had a twin in the spare room & I had one with me. We swapped twin each night so one wasn't bonding more with one parent than another. Whichever twin with me was breast fed & the one with DH had a bottle. That way they both got a bit of both (I never produced enough milk to fully feed two but that's another story).

After the initial few weeks we were all in the same room as we found it easier to synchronise feed times rather than potentially have one or the other constantly wanting fed and never sleeping. We did that by going a bit Gina Ford I'm afraid, keeping lists of who fed when & & going more for routine & regular feed times rather than on demand (not popular I know and not what I did with my eldest, but I think the key to twin baby wrestling is routine). Once they'd synchronised it was easier and two could be fed at once, so you could wake your DH to feed 'his' baby but it's ok as you're awake feeding yours. It also means you can deal with both yourself if need be.

Hang in there, it's bloody hard with twins at first but you'll get through it. Mine are 16 now.... not sure how that happened!!

Storminateapot · 13/07/2018 23:26

Oh also they top-to-tailed in a Moses basket when very young (is that still allowed? It was then) Less space than a cot.

aperolspritzplease · 13/07/2018 23:31

Totally agree with @Storminateapot about Gina, the risk otherwise is having them in different schedules which is the worst situation to be in. Having them together Woukd help synchronise. If one of mine woke I always woke the other to feed.

Original poster
selectivehearing · 16/07/2018 23:02

Thanks all. @Storminateapot they have been doing that in their crib but they're too big now.

We've taken the plunge and started a proper routine, bought a full size cot and they're now together in that in their room. First night tonight. When the first one wakes we'll see what to do about the other. DH is back in the room with me and will deal with his designated twin 👍🏻

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