To be at my wit's end

[newbie23]

Hi there,

Long story short I have 3 DC, DS1(4), DS2(17mo) and DS2(6weeks). I live away from family, have no friends locally and have a DH who works away Monday-Friday Inc some weekends (like this weekend). I have a MiL who helps some days and then not the next and we don't always see eye to eye. (We moved here as she had agreed to look after the DC although this arrangement fell through so I am now a SAHM)

My DD is driving me insane. She wont sleep in her own room, and wakes up crying from first thing. She eats well some days but not the next. She wont nap during the day no matter what I've tried. She spends all day following me about whining and.with two other DC to look after it's becoming taxing. Bedtime and bath time is a nightmare, she cries and screams louder then she does the rest of the day. I'm actually starting to worry I'm going to be reported to SS because the neighbours must wonder what's happening.

I don't really know what I'm expecting by posting here. I'm just feeling like the worst mum in the world that I can't comfort her and feel.like I'm not being the best mum to the other two because I'm constantly running round after DD.

Is there anyone else suffering similar or any advice to stop me from pulling my hair out?

Sorry my DD1 is 17 months old.

Anyone?

I think you need to try and go with the flow, your DC are adjusting to the new baby.

Co sleep just do what you need to get enough sleep and count every day they are still alive at bed time as a success!!!

What have you tried with the sleeping? I co-slept with my third until he was 14 months as I was broken with no sleep. I did controlled crying and although he’s now a nightmare at bedtime (age 6) the cc worked really well and within about four days he was able to be put down for sleep.

Do you have to be up early? If not, try a later bedtime. It was so much easier for mine when they went to bed at 9 and were up at 9 rather than 7-7. Put your 4 year old in afternoon nursery sessions instead of mornings if you can.

Don’t do baths every night. I’ve never done daily baths because even at 9, 9 and 6 they’ll mess around getting themselves excited. If it’s not actually winding down then don’t bother unless really needed.

If she’s not a climber get a play pen, just to save your sanity so you can put the baby down and have a cup of tea or make a sandwich for your 4 year old.

You’re not the worst mother in the world, you are the mum of a toddler I promise it gets better but not necessarily immediately!

This is such a tricky age. My two dc both whined constantly at this age. It did get better though, I promise. You just need to find a way to get through it. Distraction worked best for me, but it is hard, I know.

I’d say forget about bath when your partner is away, only plan very low key outings, even just a picnic in the garden or some water and sand to play with. You need to get through that very tough period however you can.
Your DD is still very young, your DS1 too. Do you have a sling for the baby?
Could you hire a mother’s help for a few months?

YANBU to feel overwhelmed by the way.

She's co sleeping at the minute but it's not ideal as when the baby wakes to feed she wakes as well. I've tried CC but she screams so hard she makes herself sick so I end up giving in.

My DS1 won't sleep past 6.30 regardless of how late he's kept awake. Usually he's in bed 7.30 during school time but now it's the summer were in no rush for sleep and he still wakens early.

I have a sling for baby as well, it's pretty much the only way I'm managing.

Thanks for all the helpful advice guys