to book a hotel?

[Currywurstmitpommes]

Just hoping you can give me some perspective on this...

I have been LC with my father for a few years and have not been to visit him ( or my home town) since then. We have met up elsewhere and he has been to mine a couple of times for a few hours.

We have had a difficult relationship for many years and various periods of NC since my DM died more than 20 years ago. After the last disastrous visit I have said I will never go and stay with him again. ( In part the problem is that the house is a reminder if his years of EA to my DM). After the last visit I have had some counselling and am managing to maintain the current LC without much stress.

Now an old friend is visiting from another continent and has asked me to meet up in my old home town. I can’t visit without at least meeting my father but I am hating the idea of staying with him. He will be offended, but AIBU to book the travellodge round the corner for me and the DCs?

I'm not sure I understand how you can be low contact but still stay at his house.
I'd book a hotel room without a shadow of a doubt.

thanks lurking. Its not been sitting with me either, hence the post. I’m just never sure what is reasonable on this one.

Honestly if your low contact I wouldn't even expect you to go see him.
If you are going to see your friend the. Only see them and come home you don't even need to tell your father you'll be in the area.

Definitely book a hotel room. If you want then go see him, fine, but equally it really is also fine to plan a quick hello/catch up at another time. Either don’t tell him, or if you have to then say “I’m meeting up with xxx this weekend but it’s going to be a whistle stop visit, so won’t get to pop by I’m afraid. Let’s arrange to meet for coffee another time” etc

Just get a hotel. I wouldn't even tell him you are in the area. My parents live about 70miles from me. Evare on good terms but I don't always let them know when I'm in the area as I have no intention of visiting them (for several reasons). I think your bad relationship with your father is turning something simple in to a more difficult situation than it is.

Why do you say you can't meet your friend in your home town without meeting your father? Of course you can.
I'm NC with my parents, but still have friends in the (small, nosy, everyone knows everyone else) village where I grew up. If I go to meet them, under no circumstances would I ever have anything to do with my parents.
How is your father even going to know that you're there?