How do I go about this?

[birthofawoman]

DS is 8 weeks old, and one thing about parenthood that I wasn't prepared for is the sense of entitlement that certain family members have when it comes to interacting/spending time with DS. I didn't realise that extended family would feel that it's their right to see/hold him. DH and I had a child, and suddenly it feels as though the child we made belongs to the whole community. A huge part of me feels that I'm not ready to have him closely interacting with anyone beyond his parents, grandparents and uncles and aunties, as these are people who know me well and who I can be honest with if ever there was a problem. Also, we're (DH and I) still in our little bubble with DS, where we appreciate the time to ourselves to just love and absorb him. I think this is a precious time for a new family, and that they should be allowed this time without interruption.

Anyway, in the midst of all this I'm really struggling with all the touching of DS - especially of his hands! Why do people always touch babies' hands - the one part of their body they're always putting in their mouth? I, myself, would do this before I had my own child! :O I'm especially funny about it when the person in question has just spent the day being out and about (say, in a market), or when it comes to children (their young immune systems means they're so often catching/recovering from colds and bugs etc). Part of me isn't assertive enough to ask these family members to wash their hands before interacting with DS, as I don't want to come across as rude or uptight (pretty sure my grandma thinks I'm being unnecessary and has written me off as 'stringy' or 'rude towards the family' in her mind). On the few occasions that I have asked, I've noticed that some (grandma included) think it's ok to merely pass water over their hands (without using soap), failing to kill any such germs!

In addition to all this (outright what's got me feeling this way in the first place), DH and I were told (following a blood test) that DS has a low white blood cell count, which makes him not only more susceptible to illness but it also means that his body would have a harder time fighting illness. The doctor who gave us this news urged us to bring him into hospital at the first sign of him being unwell, so that he can be put on antibiotics as a preventative measure at least - so the low white blood cell count thing is quite serious, it seems.

How can I communicate all this to family members without offending them?

Am I just being neurotic/unreasonable?

Thanks!

If there’s a medical reason not to mix with lots of people at this stage then just say that? Few people would argue with that.
I have the opposite problem, no family around us at all and my side aren’t interested one bit. I’d love for mine to be a bit more like yours, and have people fighting over my sons. I’d love to have more people that love them and cherish them. I feel like they really miss out.

Can you put mittens on him? I'm not suggesting you put these on if it makes you uncomfortable but would provide a barrier? Personally I would tell them exactly what the doc said and if they do it after you've asked them not to or dismiss your concerns just remove him from their arms or take him out of the room and sod what they think.

I'm pretty sure my godmother still thinks I'm being precious about DS 2.5 having a nap but I prefer it to a difficult bedtime so there you go.

People will always have opinions about how you parent - including on here of course - so just do what you want. As Mum you're the boss!

Come here you two!!! You both need a massive hug for different reasons!

I think naturally you're protective over this new baby, your first baby. But try to be a little bit generous. He's yours; you'll be the most important person in his life, but the more people there are to love him, the better it is for him. If you're worried about hygiene, keep a packet of baby wipes to hand.

You don't have to make this an issue to fall out over. Use the dr as an excuse if that's easier, but you are going to have to say something as people aren't mind readers!

When dniece was born (very prem) and was allowed him, Dsis was nice but clear that she expected you to wash your hands first. She was nice but if anyone tried to pick him up, she'd say "oh, she's a bit fragile / small / high risk etc. if you wash your hands, I'll get her all ready for you." No drama.

Only with her SIL did she have to be quite direct as she was the only one who didn't listen but a straight forward "No, you can't hold her if you don't wash your hands. The doctor was clear how high risk she is for infection" stopped that too.