AIBU to think it’s really hard to change family eating patterns once they are set?

[BogstandardBelle]

When I started weaning DS1 10 yrs ago I fell totally into the trap of doing what my mum had done with me. This included an expectation that children don’t like veg - any veg - and that they shouldn’t be forced to eat it. I’ve subsequently realised that my mother has dreadful eating habits, which she passed (temporarily) onto me - and I have inadvertently passed onto DS. She basically hates veg and salad, and thinks people who enjoy them are odd and a bit hippyish / extreme. I now love them and eat really very healthily on the whole. But when DS came along, I fell right back into old habits, and completely failed to teach him to eat veg / salad. I cooked separate meals for him. I didn’t expect him to like vegetables so I didn’t push him to eat them. I didn’t even offer half the time. We’ve never had a «here it is, eat it or go hungry» policy at mealtimes.

I’m really regretting this now. He’s naturally cautious about food, which I can accept, and I don’t want to force him, but his fussy eating habits are really not helping him as he moves towards puberty. He’s started to gain weight - I can see it clearly but I don’t know what to do about it! I cook healthy meals: he will eat the bits he likes (carbs and meat) and not the others (nearly all veg and salad, eggs of any sort).

Snacks are a minefield. He will eat any form of sugary crap, pretty much all fruit, bread in its many forms. He won’t eat veg sticks, natural yoghurt, hummus, etc - all the things that are touted as alternatives to biscuits etc.

I feel really stuck. I don’t know how to lead him into the wonderful world of veggies and teach him to make healthier choices after 10 years of not forcing him. Is it possible to change at this stage? How can i turn this around?

Why don’t you try explaining to him what you’ve written? That you feel you didn’t make the best choices for him with food when he was little, but now you’ve realised that you want to help him to eat healthily and that means each meal we try a little bit of everything on our plate?

Forcing children to eat veggies or any other food is more likely to create eating disorders later in life. Fussy eaters are not fussy because no one forced them to eat certain foods or go hungry, they are fussy for a variety of reasons many of which have to do with having some control over some aspect of their lives. Should you have offered some more veggie and salad options? Probably yes, but not much will be gained by regretting the past.

Think about the issue now. How overweight is your DS? Can you give us his BMI? Fruit and bread are not crap, they are perfectly good th8ngs to eat, but there is no harm in offering more alternatives and trying out new recipies. You could also encourage your DS to be more active by taking up a sport or energetic activity.

I mean this kindly but I am not sure how to put it...the way your post comes across, the way you seem to relate to food, seems to suggest yo7 may have issues with food that you may want to address.

What Ellafruit said.

I think to a degree our parents do shape our eating habits/attitude to food. My parents were incredibly strict about finishing a meal. I was shade to sit at the table until I finished every morsel, even if I was full and gagging. I now have a really bad relationship with food, eat beyond my hunger and make poor choices. Some of that is - I believe - down to my parents. I'm still pretty fussy as an adult by the way - or maybe rather than fussy I'm just expressing preferences my parents would never allow me to have?
Perhaps the veg thing was a mistake but I'd much rather my parents had behaved more like you. I also don't think it is too late - you need to have an honest discussion with your son. Don't make it about weight if you can possibly help it though - better to focus on health, though I guess the two are inextricably linked so that might be problematic.