I’m going insane with favouritism.

[Mummysharkdoodoodoo]

Hi, I need some advice because it’s eating me up every single day and I can’t stop it for some reason!

Me and dp have a daughter who is 2. Dp has a grandma and a sister who are very very close. Abit in a weird way tbh, they are more like daughter and mum. SiL has a daughter and a baby on the way. Her partner earns the same amount as dp. G-I-l treats niece completely different to dd. She buys her everything, pays for trips out, dancing, swimming etc. She openly says how much she adores dn and how special she is. She’s never done this with dd. Never had a single thing from her. When she was born she bought dd a pack of vests from Asda, she’s already bought new baby tons. Me and sil were discussing our wills etc and what would happen with dc if god forbid something happened. Gil jumps in and says she would have dn as she is so loved and such a special girl.

Nothing about dd.
It’s really starting to get me down. She never shows intrest in dd. I want to block her on Facebook but last time I did I had abuse thrown at me.

She put a status on a few days ago about how sad it is when people put make up on and get j up for selfies on Facebook, an hour after I changed my profile picture 😂🙈

She flaunts it in our faces so much that she buys dn stuff etc. Even dps Dad has noticed!

Block her as she's just winding you up.
Sadly there's not a lot you can do to make her love DD as hurtful as it is.

Does DD have grandparents that show her affection?

No dd has no grandparents my side and only a nana who sees her once a month despite living 5 mins away

So this isn’t your mil but your dh grandma. To be honest it sounds like she’s closer to her granddaughter and inaffect closer to her great granddaughter. I don’t think she’s done anything particularly wrong. I have an auntie who is close with my dc but I also make a considerable effort with her more so than my db does and his dc. I would say it was more unfair if this was your mil but extended families are completely different and some have stronger relationships with others.

As you stated they have a considerably closer relationship.

I think coming off FB would be a good start OP or at least blocking her. People like to use it as a way of being passive aggressive and saying things they wouldn't do to your face and to also brag and boast to hurt you.

I would also distance myself from her and try and concentrate on what you are giving to your DD. I know it's hurtful but you won't change this woman's behaviour and all it will do is eat away at you

Some women and families favour their daughter's children, it's very common. My Mum is the same except its my son she spoils. My brother's daughter is spoiled by her grandparents on her mother's side. I don't agree with it but it happens.

Whats your Dp relationship like with his grandmother?

Do you actually make an effort with you’re dh grandma?

want to block her on Facebook but last time I did I had abuse thrown at me.

Do it again and ignore the abuse this time.

Oh just block her FGS, she's no right to tell you to do or not do anything. TELL her why you are blocking her too.

My grandma has 14 grandchildren and soon to be 12 great grandchildren when DD arrives.

I without a doubt make the most effort with her, I call her every week and I take her out for the day every 2 weeks at the moment because I'm on mat leave - otherwise, we'd go every time I happened to have a spare day off work. She doesn't hear from some grandchildren at all and sees others maybe a few times a year.

So we are closer than she is with other grandchildren, because we spend time together. As such, I expect the relationship with DD will be closer than her other great grandchildren too. It may not manifest itself in her being bought more things etc. But I don't think it is essentially wrong either. It may be the same in your situation if SIL does put more effort in.

Ignore it. You can't change them. You can minimize their contact. You can love your husband and child and be nice to yourself. Get off FB. These people are not worth your time.

She's playing games with you. Sounds like a horrible person. Even if that's the way she feels, a decent person wouldn't go on about it in front of you.

Avoid her as much as possible and definitely block her on social media. If she has a huff just say you are only having close friends and family on there!

Honestly, I wouldn't let it bother you. Just ignore the woman. I just wouldn't go out of your way way to allow this relative to have any kind of relationship with your child.

Just block her and ignore her. If there is any flack let DH take it. Life is too short for this shit.

There is a difference between being closer and flaunting that closeness to other people faces.
Or to do everything for one child but nothing at all for the other.
Or have PA digs at the other parents but throw your dummy out if you block them.

There is a golden child scenario going on there, except it’s between a gran ma and a dgdaughter (and her child)

Drop it. No good can come of it. Hide her from your Facebook feed.

Don’t discuss wills or money or anything like that with anyone except your partner. It’s a private matter and can be totally misread by others.....

She dotes on her grand daughter, that’s a nice thing. Is your dd her grand daughter or a step grand daughter? The blatant favouritism would irk me, but I would gentle remove myself from this persons life and let it no longer be an issue to me.

I hate that people feel they have to accept people on Facebook. It's not to do with them, just block and ignore. Why on earth should people have the right to see what you're doing when they can't even be nice to you?

Block and if she asks, tell her why. That if she wants to be a friend on Facebook she shod start behaving like one in real life.

You can set her on facebook to restricted so she can only see public posts and also unfollow her while remaining "friends", This will mean you won't see anything of hers in your feed but she won't know she is not being followed by you. Might be a way to avoid her on social media without having to remove her and have any drama as a result of that.

Op, you say Even dps Dad has noticed

And then

dd has no grandparents my side and only a nana

These two comments don't tally, surely your dps Dad is her grandad?

But whatever, I think you just have to ignore the GIL, block her on social media and carry on with your life. You can't change how she feels about your niece, but you can change how you react to it. Yes it must hurt, seeing her treat the niece so much better than your DD, but you cant change it, so better to ignore and have as little to do with her as possible.

It would be interesting if op comes back and it’s apparent more effort is made from Sil with her grandmother and that’s why she has a closer bond with her grand daughter and great daughter I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with that. My auntie is super close to me and my dc when she had a heart attack on New Year’s Eve I came straight down to the hospital and sat with her all day,visited,took her to appointments and shopping my db phoned her once. If the littlest of things that mean the most and establish foundations for relationships.

I always wonder, on these types of threads, what the other persons point of view would be.

Sometimes it favouritism. Sometimes it's circumstance that means some family members are closer than others. But I do think that sometimes it can be because the person complaining about favouritism (and their OH) don't put much effort into the relationship.