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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to tell me it will be ok

16 replies

LEMtheoriginal · 13/07/2018 13:19

Dd is going away with the school for a week. To fucking italy. To do fucking water sports.

I suffer from anxiety and my stomach is in knots. I have to pick her up from school take her for a quick bite to eat and wave her off to do all the tings im too scared to do. Ferry...coach...15 hours travel and then all manner of challenges including asbseiling and white water rafting.

What the hell was i thinking when i caved to pester power...i kniw i have to let her do this but im fucking terrified.

Please tell me how this will be a holiday of a lifetime and that my 12yo dd will have an amazing time and wont be like me - frozen with fear. That the ferry wont capsize and the coach wont fall down a ravine.

My baby.....😱

OP posts:
Oddcat · 13/07/2018 13:20

She'll have the time of her life . The holiday will have been risk assessed and all safety measures will be in place . Hard not to worry though .

Haberpop · 13/07/2018 13:21

The coach won't fall down a ravine, the ferry won't capsize and she WILL have an absolute blast. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the confidence to take life by the horns and try and you are doing just that.

Wine and Flowers She will be OK but you may be a quivering wreck for a week

Stripyhoglets1 · 13/07/2018 13:22

Well done for not letting your fears hold her back, it's so hard letting go when you have anxiety but it's do beneficial for your daughter. And she will be absolutely fine, it will all have been risk assessed and safe.

MagicFajita · 13/07/2018 13:23

She will have an amazing time! Dd just got back from her residential and told me so many amazing stories on her return. It'll be the same for your dd.

ErrolTheDragon · 13/07/2018 13:25

Oh wow, lucky kid! The only problem I'd have with that is jealousy EnvyGrin.

Seriously, as you suffer from anxiety it's probably extremely good for her she can do this with the school. You know that, logically- try to hang onto the thought.

And well done, overcoming your own fears enough to let her go is truly brave.

Fightthebear · 13/07/2018 13:27

I agree with stripey.

Good for you for not letting your anxiety smother your child.

posieperkinandpootle · 13/07/2018 13:28

You are doing an amazing thing for your DD. Putting aside your fears and reservations to let her have an adventure. She will learn and experience so much but she's learning from you too, that sometimes we put others before ourselves, that we can overcome fear and anxiety, that you trust her to take care of herself. She'll probably be a bit nervous and worried about missing home especially if this is her first trip abroad without you but I bet she's got a brave face on for her pals. Take a leaf out of her book & plaster a smile on. You can have a wee sob into a glass of wine later.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/07/2018 13:30

She'll be fine and she'll love it. My DD has been staying with my aunt since she was a baby, so the 2 residential school trips she's had I've taken in my stride. She was slightly anxious last month, probably because no girls from her year were going, but she had a ball.

CambridgeAnaglypta · 13/07/2018 13:31

She'll have a great time and will gain so many skills and independence.

You have a week of worry: is she safe, will she eat the food, is she ok?? Just like every other mum.

Just think of the washing when she gets back !!

ICanOnlyLaugh · 13/07/2018 13:31

You have absolutely done the right thing! I take my hat off to you actually, you’re doing something that terrifies you as well!

It’s a real cliche but I recommend things like meditation and hypnotherapy to help you to deal with the fear (of doing something that scares you). They really do work.

I have anxiety too (though it manifests differently) so I have some idea of where you’re coming from. I’m impressed Flowers

MagicMojito · 13/07/2018 13:38

Bloody hell I doubt if id have let her go tbh. The anxiety would kill me Blush. You have done the right thing though it's not fair to make your dd suffer the consequences of your disorder i will NOT be taking my own advice when the time comes, shes MY baby and i will keep her safe with me FOREVER!! Good luck. Just spend the week drunk?? WineWineWine

Kbear · 13/07/2018 13:42

Brave decision but she will be fine and will grow from the experience - we mustn't project our fears on our kids and you know that because you let her go! Well done.

(My dd is in Magalluf...... I am beyond grateful for every second of facetime from her haha)

Cath2907 · 13/07/2018 13:44

I want to go! Sounds like wonderful fun and she will have an amazing time. Buckle up your big girl pants and do your worrying in private so she doesn't know (wine may help). My sister and I did lots of things like this as kids and it was great. My sister spent a week away at 8 doing outdoor sports at a residential kids holiday camp. It is a famous family story about how she only rang home once and that was just to ask if she could wear her new waterproofs in a canoe! My DD is 7 and is away with Beaver camp next weekend. She is excited and I am going to let her go with a big smile plastered on my face (even if my teeth may be a little gritted underneath!) I want her to think I believe she can do anything!

You bring them up, teach them things, hug them, give them confidence and then you let them go. Letting them go is tough but just think how much wonderful stuff she'll have to tell you when she gets back. Clinging on just makes them desperate to leave.

Roomarmoset · 13/07/2018 14:00

I was 14 when I went on a coach trip to Italy with the school.
We all had an absolute ball! 18 years later we still talk about that holiday. It was so much fun.
She'll have a lovely time, nothing will go wrong and she'll come back telling you how much fun she had :)

Ansumpasty · 13/07/2018 14:07

Good for you, not letting your anxiety get in the way of her having a great experience.

Those things will all be controlled and safety put first.

Life is risky and life is scary but we have to live it Cake

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 13/07/2018 15:23

Thank-you so much. Im just waiting to pick her up. Going to go to pizza express and then shes off. My heart

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