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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my partner to contribute towards bills when he stays 6 nights a wek

25 replies

Finallyamummy777 · 13/07/2018 12:17

How much would you except your other half to contribute to bills (gas, elec and water)?

My partner and I are trialling living together! He moved in on 1st June and he gave me £40 for gas elec and water a week ago - that's all he has given me 6 weeks. He suggested £40 a month gas elec and water. He said because he paid £20 for something and bought more food in June that's June covered!

We take turns in buying food. I don't expect 'rent' as he still has his own house and bills (he will eventually rent his out or both sell and buy together).

He goes to his once a week or so but 'lives' with me.

OP posts:

Nikephorus · 13/07/2018 12:19

Depends how much your gas & elec cost & how much it's increased with him being there. (But if he's being tight now then....)

Original poster

Finallyamummy777 · 13/07/2018 12:20

I should add he has no money worries but prefers to excessively save and is a little bit of a penny pincher lol

OP posts:

Ghanagirl · 13/07/2018 12:20

I think you should sit down and work out how much you pay for bills per month and divide in half.

Frosty66612 · 13/07/2018 12:22

You need to work out what your gas and elec was the month before he moved in, and what it’s been the month he’s moved in and then he pays you half of that. And he should def pay half of the water bill as I’m sure things like showers and the washing machine will be used a lot more now

Tobuyornot99 · 13/07/2018 12:22

Well it's tricky if he's still keeping his place running, is he hard up?
Just be sure to agree a firm plan is you are going to live together

PlaymobilPirate · 13/07/2018 12:22

This is the 2nd or third thread you've posted about this?have you followed the advice given? He's taking the piss.

argumentativefeminist · 13/07/2018 12:22

Split the bills equally - one night a week away is only 4 days a month, it makes so little difference! I wouldn't charge rent if he's paying rent on somewhere else, but if he moves into yours and rents his out, I'd be expecting him to pay half.

Basically £40 a month doesn't sound like enough to me!

Ghanagirl · 13/07/2018 12:23

When I moved in with DH I paid for all food shopping and that was it because it was his house and he earned over twice as much as me.
We discussed it before hand and were already engaged.

Frosty66612 · 13/07/2018 12:24

Is he contributing towards other bills like tv package and internet if he’s using them regularly?

StepBackNow · 13/07/2018 12:25

He's a skinflint. Is this what you want your life to be?

BigGreenOlives · 13/07/2018 12:25

If you are losing your single adult council tax discount you need to account for that as well. Him moving in with you shouldn’t cost you money.

Castl3onb0at · 13/07/2018 12:30

No single tax discount. Send him home some days, he has his own place. He buys his own food. Charge him for electric, water or get him to do jobs round the house instead like DIY, garden, car. How long before you sell up and move in together ?

LoveLifeLive87 · 13/07/2018 12:36

Looks like he is benefiting from living with you. Ask him would it be acceptable if it was the other way round??
If he bought more food was it his choices he wanted to for himself?? Or did you go shopping together? Every living expense needs to be merged and he should pay 40% towards it. Don’t let him take advantage. If he has no money worries then you shouldn’t be worrying about putting it out there. If he debates it then .... good luck for the future!

SilverHairedCat · 13/07/2018 12:36

Work out your bills, show them to him and ask him for 50%.

He's being a CF.

steff13 · 13/07/2018 12:36

I believe in your last thread, which I see is now deleted, you got lots of good advice. Have you taken any of it?

ReevaDiva · 13/07/2018 12:37

Don't do it on the hoof like this - I bought shopping, I'm away for a night, etc.

Work out your living costs, split them, set up direct debits. It's the only fair way.

GreenTulips · 13/07/2018 12:39

Move into his house

You pay £40 a month and save the rest

Rent out your house and keep the proceeds

Job done

ApolloandDaphne · 13/07/2018 12:42

You need to work out what your costs are and how much they have increased by with him living there. £40 per month might be reasonable for gas/elec and water or it might not. I guess he still has bills to pay for his own place and he is contributing to the food in a fair way.

CtrlCandCtrlV · 13/07/2018 12:43

I think counting pennies at the start of a new relationship is strange, but a normal adult would just offer half, wouldn't they? Or at least explain they know they should but can't afford that until they get rid of their own place, but pay as much as they can towards that half.

I couldn't be with anyone like that frankly.

allertse · 13/07/2018 12:49

Have your bills really gone up much because he's moved in? Personally I think YABU if he is still paying bills at his own house, even if he is staying at yours. It's not like his reduce to 0 just because he isn't there.

If they've only gone up by a couple of quid I wouldn't quibble it. If they've gone up substantially then either he should pay the extra (as his own will have reduced proportionally) or you should both split the bills at your house and his.

NordicNobody · 13/07/2018 13:29

*Move into his house

You pay £40 a month and save the rest

Rent out your house and keep the proceeds

Job done*

Exactly this 👆

gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 13/07/2018 13:31

You've posted about this before, and got loads of advice. Why do you keep posting?

Everyone told you your partner was being a selfish tightwad and massively unreasonable on your last post

Original poster

Finallyamummy777 · 13/07/2018 13:32

thanks everyone - allertse that's an interesting view (that its actually me being unreasonable) - I did wonder if I'm being unfair as he does still have his own place and in the summer his bills might not drop by much (as gas usage low but daily rate charge still applies)

OP posts:

Tomatoesrock · 13/07/2018 13:37

Did you post about him the other day.

He sounds stingy, Would you spend 6 nights a week at his and expect to hand just £10 a week, would he allow it or think it is fair.

Do not let him treat you like that, fair is fair.

RaspberryBeret34 · 13/07/2018 13:44

How long is this arrangement planned for? I think £40 a month is reasonable (unless you find bills going up by significantly more than tha). Really he should pay whatever he is saving on his own place I think. Neither of you should be out of pocket. And you shouldn't have to ask for the £40 per month.

It also depends how hard up you are. If I semi-moved in with a partner and they were struggling and I wasn't, I'd just offer something decent (that I could afford) to help them because it's the kind thing to do and you're a team so it works both ways, you help each other out.

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