To have reservations.....

[Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname]

About letting ds's new gf having the run of my house for the week end!!
We are away next week end and adult ds is working all week end (lives at home still) so isn't coming. He casually told his gf of less than 2 months she can stay all week end anyway.
Added concern is I found him rummaging through a box of my bits and bobs last night looking for nail varnish remover - I said it was in my room as it was mine and why did he want it? I looked behind me and the gf had her shoes off and presented shabby nail varnish.
Shabby blue nail varnish like the bottle ds had in his hand - from my b&b box!!
So obviously not the first time they have been rummaging!!
But miffed off tbh, the b&b box is pretty communal, nail clippers, hand /foot cream - all dc welcome to rummage but ultimately my stuff!
Oh and as I locked up the back door, her work uniforms for the rest of this week were in the tumble dryer - which we don't use atm as it's bloody July!!
Joked to dh we need to start charging her board.

Maybe half joking!
Am I a misery or rightfully miffed?
Have previously posted regarding the gf!!
*I do like her honestly!!

I think you got a lodger now

I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbf.
She's your sons girlfriend

Crikes no way!! He is saving to move out next year. His previous gf was a complete cf. Stayed over when ds was at work, walked past my dh doing the washing up to make herself a coffee then handed him the empty cup to wash up!! He was too gobsmacked to say anything!!
Ds is a soft touch but we aren't!!

I am not sure you are sending a clear message.

You said that the box is pretty communal, so you are happy to share with your family. As far as your son is concerned, his current fling is (sort of) family. My kids know that my stuff is out of bounds, so they know I would be fuming if anyone starts rummaging in it.
All the communal stuff is just that, communal.

I can't see the issue with the tumble dryer. Just tell your son and his gf that at this time of year they should put clothes on the line, it hasn't been raining for weeks anyway.

If your son tells his gf "Oh mum is fine with that", why should she hesitate? You and I might, but she is not unreasonable.

Nobody but me would use the nail varnishes-and who would use someone's dm's stuff!? and ds knows we don't use the dryer at night after a very close call with the old one smoking/near flames and setting the smoke alarm off. We just got ddogs out in time.
If he wants a Welcome 'sign on his head fine but less than 2 months and free rein to our home is a bit much!

Have you discussed boundaries with him? All of those things you mention would have been fine and normal in my house when I lived with my parents but you're obviously allowed to set your own rules for your own home. You just need to make sure these have been clearly communicated to your DS.

She is a virtual stranger is my concern. He met her in a pub so not known to any of us really. Maybe will just buy her some 'welcome to the family' rubber gloves and show her where the Dyson is?!

wow I hope she is not a serious girl friend for her own sake, you sound awful.

If you need different boundaries now your kids are old enough to have partners, just decide what they are and inform the rest of your family. Don't start to be so bitchy unfriendly with their girl friends, one of them might end up your daughter-in-law one day, and will never forget how she was not welcome in the family.

You do sound a bit of a misery tbh and reading between the lines a bit like you 'look down' on this gf. NOKD.

Shabby nail varnish' do you mean it was chipped and needed redoing? It's not like she was rummaging through your knicker drawer or even the b & b box herself, clearly she had asked your son to find her some nail polish and remover. Is it possible she asked him to ask you being a bit too intimidated to ask you. Chips and grow out lines happen to all of us who wear nail varnish at some point. The coffee cup, if your DH was standing there washing up its hardly the height of CFery of a houseguest to include one more cup, and it's not like she left him a sink load of dirty dishes is it?

And 'he met her in a pub' as opposed to what? Being formally introduced at the Hunt Ball? Why does it matter that he met her in a pub and that she's not known to you? I met my DH in a pub and he wasn't known to my family prior to me introducing him to them.

And again, the drier? Maybe she asked your son before using it and he didn't explain the house rules. Why don't you (or ask your son to) just gently explain /point out what she is and isn't welcome to use. Maybe welcome isn't the right word because you don't sound very welcoming to me.

So you would be happy to leave a virtual stranger in your homes for the week end alone?
The polish that was chipped was mine she had obviously used the night before!
I also met dh in a pub but didn't give him a key after less than 2 months!!
She has been made very welcome, she is a welcome addition I just can't imagine using someone's stuff without asking, she has accompanied us on family days out so is obviously happy around me - in fact bought the same specs as me, taken as a compliment not a jibe.
Just a bit too quickly settling in imo!

Yes but this is your sons relationship not yours. My DP's father was engaged within a couple of weeks and married within two months, far too quick for my liking but it's worked for them and they've been together for years and years now. I could only imagine his reaction if he was told after two months that his wife was a stranger.

Two months isn't long at all but she is your sons girlfriend and I assume your son will also be there over the weekend?

Yes I'd be happy to leave a virtual stranger in my house if they were a guest of my son who was also staying - you said he's not going away with you - because I trust my sons' good sense and judgement. As for the nail polish, maybe she forgot to bring hers and she clearly did ask - she asked your son probably thinking he'd ask you since, per your OP, it was he who was rummaging through the B and B box not her. Although, since, also per your OP, the B and B box is freely accessible to your dc he probably thought he didn't need to ask.