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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your ideas for a teacher that lost a pupil this year?

27 replies

Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 06:43

This teacher has supported my daughter through the first 2 years of primary school and she has honestly been a blessing.

I don't usually buy gifts of great value or meaning. They are usually your standard flowers and chocolates and I honestly know they mean the world to them.

But, this teacher has also lost a 5 year old girl pupil. My daughter's best friend during the course of the year to a tragic accident. She felt the pain and for months she looked drained deflated and broken. Every time we spoke I saw tears in her eyes and felt her pain. She made so many special things to help the class remember and get through that difficult time.

So this teacher deserves something special. But I need your ideas and help?

OP posts:
WishUponAStar88 · 13/07/2018 06:48

I’ve no great ideas but I think the nicest thing you could do would be to write a card/ letter explaining how much she has helped and a card from your daughter too. I’m sorry for your and your daughter’s loss, life is so unfair sometimes Flowers

DangoDays · 13/07/2018 06:49

I'm a teacher and honestly the best thing is a card that tells you what has been appreciated or the difference you have made.

Otherwise perhaps a lovely plant. You could ask the teaching aissstant or head for an idea for specific plant.

Starlight345 · 13/07/2018 06:49

We had a teacher similar position . She wasn’t my Ds ‘s teacher at the time but I think a letter acknowledging how much she has helped would be very special but no real idea of the gift. The child that died in our school was into a particular sport is there anything like that ?

GeorgeIII · 13/07/2018 06:51

I was going to say a rose bush. If you aren't a gardener you could ask one of the big rose companies and they might suggest something suitable for your part of the country.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 13/07/2018 06:54

A heartfelt letter.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 13/07/2018 06:56

And perhaps if there was a charity the family asked for donations towards you could make one on her behalf. .

Original poster
Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 06:56

Ahh jeez! These responses have set me off. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I will do my best along with my daughter to right a letter to her. (If I can get through it)
Also a plant is a great idea! Something along the lines of a plant comes and goes but is always around, it never really leaves you?

I'm crap with writing lol!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 06:57

@ForgivenessIsDivine
We all did the charity Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 06:57

Write* tired mess this morning ha!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 06:59

@Starlight345
Unfortunately no sport. She was still finding her feet and interests. Still so young. Sad

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AJPTaylor · 13/07/2018 07:03

a card, picture and a hug from your dd would probably mean the most .

morningperson · 13/07/2018 07:03

ah how sad, and it must've been so hard for her to carry on everyday after something so tragic has happened as she'd be reminded of it everyday at school. What i would probably do is buy her something that's quite personal as a gift from you & your daughter for supporting your daughter, so maybe a pretty necklace with a pendant and a nice thank you card. Then as a thank you from yourself i would buy her a big bouquet of the brightest prettiest flowers, and then as a bit of something funny how about a "Little Miss" book that's representative of her? As an end of term gift one of my daughter's teachers once bought each child in her child a "Little Miss" or "Mr Man" book which most closely refflected the personality of the child, then she wrote a little message inside each one. it was a great idea and not one i've heard of since (my kids are grown up now).

As regards the poor little girl that she lost i would probably comment on that while giving her a hug or in a separate little card, but i wouldnt say much as you dont want to inadvertantly mark that tragedy in your gifts as its probably something that she's trying to move forwards from and while its right and appropriate that you say something you also want to make it a happy occasion as it has happy sentiment behind it.

barcodescanner · 13/07/2018 07:18

Different reason but last year i wanted to get something special for my daughter's teacher as he had supported her through a very difficult year.
I wrote a card to him, a letter to the head, a small gift from my daughter and asked another member of staff who i knew he got on with what i should buy him. I explained that it wasn't a token gift. That was from me because by supporting her he was slso supporting me

Roomba · 13/07/2018 07:33

We had this situation last year when DS's friend died suddenly. It was in Y6 so all the usual end of primary celebrations, special assembly etc were so bittersweet for everyone - I could see the strain on their lovely teacher.

In the end I settled for a nice card with a letter thanking her for how she had supported the whole class during a very difficult time, saying how brilliant she had been and how it was appreciated so much. I also gave her wine and chocolates.

I hope your DD is doing okay. It's a hard life lesson at such a young age. DS became very cynical about everything for a long time (but maybe that's just his hormones and would happen anyway).

pilates · 13/07/2018 07:40

A home made card would go down well.

Lollypop27 · 13/07/2018 07:46

Last year when my son left primary I wrote the teacher a card (I also have her flowers). She had taught all of my children and because of her my eldest is who he is today. He was lacking so much confidence and didn’t believe in himself at all. She helped him so much and the year he was in her class he changed. She stopped me at the end of school and gave me a big hug and said she would treasure the card.

I really do think words mean more than a gift.

Appuskidu · 13/07/2018 07:49

A letter would’ve perfect. I would hate to receive a plant tbh, I would probably forget to water it and it would die and I would feel dreadful. If you know she is really green fingered though, that’s very different.

I was given a ‘tea for 2’ voucher to a local patisserie last year from one of my parents and thought that was a fantastic gift :)

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 13/07/2018 08:13

A thoughtful and appreciative letter or card would be best, I think

crochetmonkey74 · 13/07/2018 08:16

A lovely letter and maybe a rose named for the child to plant at school?
There are websites with named roses- we have bought them for a number of occasions here

crochetmonkey74 · 13/07/2018 08:17

A letter to the head is also a great idea- we so rarely get those and it really boosts your confidence

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/07/2018 08:22

A letter. A card written by your dd. I know it will be short as she’s only 5/6.

If you think the teacher would appreciate it, you could get a photo something or other made. My dd likes this pencil case and we bought it for her, not the teacher. You can decide on the photo, take one of your dd and her teacher perhaps? I ordered one from this seller for dd on Sunday and it came in the post yesterday.

We bought one of these for dds teacher but obviously this isn’t as personal but perfect for what we wanted.

Original poster
Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 09:56

All these ideas are exactly what I was thinking and brilliant. So thanks so much guys. I will absolutely write a letter to the head to tell him how much we appreciate her. Thanks so much!

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SnowOnTheSeine · 13/07/2018 10:37

Definitely write to the head too.

I wrote to our head this year because DS2's teacher was just amazing. It was only her 2nd year of teaching, and her first year teaching such little ones (aged between 2.8 and 3.7 years when they started in September, we're not in the UK) and she was brilliant.

I had a glowing thanks from the head and the teacher was almost in tears thanking me as she got huge praise from the head and the board of directors.

I work in an environment where we are evaluated frequently, and I think it's important to let managers know when someone does an excellent job.

Original poster
Feelingthepain · 13/07/2018 10:48

Yeah I totally agree. Give credit where it is due. It boost their confidence in their work and really does help to carry on in your toughest parts of the job because you know it's clearly worthwhile. I will absolutely do that!

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YetAnotherSpartacus · 13/07/2018 11:27

Can I suggest not a plant? I've been given plants before and they don't always live or live well and it's rather stressful and embarrassing ...

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