To hate toilet training?!

[jaseyraex]

We've been trying to toilet train for five days now and there's been zero improvement. DS doesn't seem to acknowledge the need to pee. He hasn't once told me that he needs to go and if I ask he just says no. He is getting so, so upset every time he pees on the floor. He's done a few wees in the toilet but only first thing in the morning or after he's already peed on the floor. He's also constipated because he won't poo. He hates the potty so we've not even bothered with that, he's been happily sitting on the toilet for a few months before bath time to get used to it and he much prefers it.

He just turned 3 in June. The nursery he's going to after summer have said that they'd "prefer" him to be toilet trained because there's apparently no reason why he shouldn't be. But he's just not getting it and I feel like there should at least be a vague improvement after five days?! He doesn't get told off, we go the toilet as soon as the accident happens, I reassure him that it's okay, I remind him what he needs to do and he repeats it back to me, he has a sticker chart, I let him pick out his own pants...

Should I give up? Has anyone any tips? I'm due another baby in eight weeks time so really this is my only opportunity to try training before he starts nursery. I think it would be silly to try after the baby comes, too much change. So if I give up now, we probably wouldn't try again until next year. I can't stand how upset DS is getting and I'm worried it's doing more harm than good.

Ultimately if he isn't ready then he isn't ready. I understand you have a baby on the way but you should do it when he's ready. I've potty trained children who weren't ready and they had accidents ALL the time. I've also potty trained children who were ready and they just got it and barely had any accidents.
What I would recommend is putting him on the toilet every 30 mins to try for a wee. Be persistent. Read books or do whatever it takes to keep him there. Eventually he will wee. After a few days you can reduce the time between putting him on the toilet. Then hopefully he will start telling you.
You really need to take his lead though and that may well be when the baby is a few weeks old.

Come over to the potty training board and join the no judgement, potty training woes thread.

Lots of people on here recommend the 'Oh Crap' book.

Dd2 took 4 days (which was a shock after dd1 announced at a younger age time for knickers and that was it). But by day 2 I definitely was starting to lose my cool.

I want to be one of those parents who stays calm but I'm not! But it meant dd2 knew that weeing on the floor was not ok (no poo accidents thankfully!). I didn't yell but she knew I was not happy.

5 days seems long, l was very close to giving up at 4 days but we had only one accident on day 4. Maybe he truly isn't ready?

Ignore me though, I've no clue and as I say dd1 trained herself and I had to really train dd2 when I did due to upcoming events.

Good luck! I nearly lost the will to be a parent...

I would say stick at it for another week before deciding.

I'm potty training now and literally all my mum friends said 'I wanted to give up after the first week and it clicked in week 2'. I had the same thing happen...so many accidents in the first week and then today (day 11) DS has gone the whole day with no accidents including a morning at nursery.

I didn't do a sticker chart because I don't think DS would have got it, but my friend with a girl (so maybe a little ahead development wise) did.

Ds1 was 4. Went to nursery in nappies then started to hide them in the toiletd at school. Ds2 dry by 2. He did it himself, they are all different. Dont rush it.

Thank you for the replies. I really just feel so clueless. I thought I'd know right away if he was ready but I'm properly struggling. I'll stick with it over the weekend I think and see how he goes.

Best advice I can give is prompt all the time do you need a wee? Is it time for the toilet now? I used rewards charts and for every successful wee gave 1 sticker and for every successful poo 2 when they managed to get 5 in one day I treated them to a treat at the local shop. For a full week of 5 a day stickers I took them to smyths with a £10 limit all of mine were fully trained in a week but I carried it on for a month. It worked for us!

I cannot bear it. Potty training twins here and failing, they just don't seem interested and I hate the river of piss. Mine are 3 all their peers and younger are dry.

Reckon there's someone who would do this for you?! In exchange for wine and hazmat suits...

We tried for a wee even if DS said he didn’t need one and then he was surprised when he did need one!

Keep at it, it really does just click one day with most.

Meant to say, we skipped the potty completely also. Went straight to standing (on a step) for a wee in the loo and sitting on children’s loo seat for a poo.

Are you leaving underwear on? We were advised to do this because the feeling of the wet material isn’t v nice and so less temptation to not go to the loo if you are in the middle of of a game or something and don’t want to leave!

At that age my son wasn’t ready, he finally was at 3yr 8 months. Day 1 and 2 were awful, 3 and 4 were hit and miss, day 5 he nailed the wee’ing part. But would either hide or wait for a night time pull up for a poo!
I won’t lie, we repainted to sheer bribery (3 stickers for a poo, 1 for a wee) every 10 stickers got a present of Lego. It wasn’t ideal. Cost a fucking fortune, and I could now supply half the town with bloody bricks and Lego city men but in week 2 he went straight to pooing in toilet. Hurrah. The peer of Lego.

Ps my son could give two hoots if his pants/ clothes were wet. Just didn’t care. So don’t worry if that’s the case too!

My DC was very late to be toilet trained! When DC was 2 I took a week off work and thought "my child is very clever so will be quick to pick this up; a week will be plenty!". However, I hadn't counted on not being able to leave the house, at all, all week! If we went anywhere, DC suddenly needed to go, right there and then and had accidents and got upset! I gave up after 2 or 3 days.

About a year later, nursery asked me if I wanted them to try so I said why not (was trying to be relaxed about it at that point!). The first day, DC went through 6 pairs of trousers!! On day 2 it was 4 pairs, on day 3 (I'd run out of trousers by then ) it was 2 pairs and by day 4 DC had cracked it! Give or take the odd accident, that was it. Before then, DC wasn't ready and also, I used to stand there trying to pre-empt DC wanting to go to the toiled, watching for the signs but really, it just used to happen when it happened! At nursery, they toldme they let DC get used to the fact that if they didn't say "I need the toilet" then they'd get wet! Simple as that.

Basically, when they're ready, they're ready; when they're not, they're not! I don't know of a single child that was still in nappies on day 1of reception and some of the children were only just 4 years old at that point!

I would stick with it, 5 days isn’t really that long I appreciate it feels like It though!!
Maybe put him on the loo every 30 mins during the morning, whether he says he needs it or not and see if he can do a wee himself on command as it were, then leave the time longer and longer ?

Poor wee man! Nothing like pressure to poo... all my DC were quick with toilet training. However the last wasn't interested and truly disinterested. Despite the nursery telling me he had to be toilet trained before moving to the next room. He was 2yrs and 8mths. I waited until he showed an inkling of a shift. Weirdly it happened at night, he went a week dry at night so I decided to give it a go during a weeks holiday. First day he peed all over the place, no star charts over here ( DC4 and we are old now!) after that he got lots of clapping and praise and nailed it within three days. Another DC at the same nursery found the whole process stressful and was the DP 1st DC and they tried to get there poor DD toilet trained before she was ready and all that happened is she held her pee and poo all day. My point is that you wait until your DC is ready and when they are they get it quickly!

So if I give up now, we probably wouldn't try again until next year. I can't stand how upset DS is getting and I'm worried it's doing more harm than good.

My first attempt at potty training with DS was a complete failure and I was getting really bad tempered so gave up after a week. I tried again a month later and it just worked; it was such a non-event that I can't give any real advice on what to do, but just to say you do have time for a second go before the new baby arrives!

Put him on the toilet every hour. He'll get it. If he wets his pants put him on the toilet then give him clean pants. Don't reassure him when he has 'accidents'. Praise him when he pees on the toilet but stay silent if he pees his pants.
Follow this advice and I guarantee he'll be dry in two days.

Presumably you have him in pants, preferably with his favourite character on?

Do NOT take him to the loo every 30 minutes- this just means his bladder capacity will be tiny and he will keep having accidents and will be having lots of small wees- you need to build the bladder up like any other muscle - toilet visits should be about every 90 minutes building up to two to three hourly - if he can't hold on for 90 minutes he's not ready to be trained.

Also if you take him every thirty mins he's not getting time to get any signals from his body and you're just timing it - the bladder tells your brain when it's half full to give you plenty of warning (hence why the rest of us don't wet ourselves all the time) - your child needs to get used to this warning or your just toilet timing- and not toilet training

Take him to the potty at least 3 times per day, no pressure to do anything, just seat him down to have a chat and put some stickers on a piece of paper, read a book or watch a video. Alternatively, it can work to have ot like a competition, who is going to go first, then it becomes a game.
Although a week is quite short, both of mines took longer but were trained at 2 and half.

Children do not 'fail' at toilet training....they're either ready or they're not

If they are not ready there is absolutely nothing to be gained from pushing it and actually quite a lot to lose; in my professional capacity I have come across lots of children with continence issues that can be directly linked back to having been toilet trained too early

We’ve just toilet trained dd2. Day 5 I was ready to give up because she just didn’t seem to get it at all. Day 7 it clicked. It’s day 14 now and she has had one accident in the past week. She’s been a lot easier than my other two were!

DS1 was 3 in February. We tried training in January but after a week I felt that he just wasn’t getting it so we gave up. DS2 was born in March, so we held off for a few weeks. At the end of April, I told DS1 that from x day there would be no more nappies during the day, nappies were for babies and he would need to wear pants and use the potty. The first few days were horrendous but after a week he’d got the hang of it. Two weeks later he moved to the toilet. 5 days ago he stopped wearing nappies at night and no bed wetting so far.

I also posted on here when DS2 was a week old with a similar thread and I got replies telling me I should have trained DS1 before the baby arrived

I know people who “trained” their 2 year olds but 2 years later are still having multiple accidents a week. Don’t forget that out of nappies doesn’t mean trained, necessarily. When they’re ready they’re ready.

If you hate it it's probably not the right time. I've not toilet trained any of mine, they've done it themselves between 24 months and just over 3. It takes no time and barely any accidents.
I would probably just have him naked waist down while it's warm at home in the garden and see if it clicks, but not focus on 'training' as such.