Why am I being so silly?!

[SlimmingMumOf1]

Okay this is a strange one, but I honestly refuse to drive anyone in my car except my DH, obviously DS and very select friends and family. We are planning a trip with some of my DH friends which about 60 miles away and he said I am going to have to drive some of them there because we can't all fit in one car! I said absolutely not! I cannot talk and drive at the same time as it is, and I cannot focus either when I know there's people in the car whom I'm not comfortable with. I just feel like a right idiot! I am not a great driver as it is, so I have to make sure I am 100% focussed! I am probably embarrassed that I will make a wrong turn and get hooted at... but I just can't do it! Seriously why am I being such a silly fool?

I don't think you're being silly but I don't have any advice for you either (I don't drive myself). Giving you a bump and maybe somebody more helpful will come along with some advice

I’m this kind of driver... I find it very stressful. I’m actually a good driver... but I lack confidence in navigation and trusting other drivers. I think I’m going to panic in silly situations and that doesn’t make me feel safe.

I would never give lifts either, I didn’t want someone else’s life being my responsibility.

I sold my car as I was hardly using it as a result.

What evidence do you have that you're not a good driver? Is it possible that you a good driver but have low confidence?

Is this something a driving instructor might be able to help with - group lessons?

I completely understand. Could you do some practice drives with other people just going to the shops, a few tricky manoeuvres maybe parking etc. Just remember even if you go ‘wrong’ there’s always a way round, if you miss the roundabout turn off go round again, miss the junction, keep going until you can turn at the next one. The anxiety may start when you feel you’ve gone ‘wrong’ if you reframe it as not important and you’re not in a hurry you may feel better. Also do you have a sat nav? That really helps if you can borrow one and get used to it’s way of instruction. Plus how about explaining to your passengers that you get anxious, please don’t talk to you so you can focus on the driving and please can they all bring music and headphones to keep them occupied. Good luck!

I missed where you said you weren’t a great driver.. if it was you in an empty town, could you happily drive around it following all the road rules with correct lane discipline? I could... but it’s other drivers with their unpredictability that throws me off.

Can your OH drive? Can any of the friends that are going drive? If so, let him/them drive and sit back and enjoy the ride!

You are not BU to not want to drive with strangers (relatively speaking) in the car but maybe it's time to start driving more with different people or to take some refresher lessons (is there such a thing?). Being nervous because you have people you don't know in the car isn't good and you'll need to be able to take your child's friends around at some point when they're older, probably, so it might be time to address the issue and gain some confidence.

Good luck with it :)

YANBU and I have two suggestions for you.

The first is to say that you can't do it, because you can't guarantee the safety of your passengers. You need to be able to concentrate on the road and be alert, and can't afford to be distracted. That's not being silly - that's being honest.

The second is a tactic that I use myself. I'm not 'hard of hearing' but I'm one of those people who cannot pick up conversations if there is any background noise. I find car journeys with passengers embarressing because once the engine has started and we're in traffic, I can't hear another thing. So I make my passengers sit in the back and I tell them I won't be able to hear them, once I fire up the engine.

I suggest that, if the first 'No' fails that you invent a temporary head cold that has affected your hearing and tell your passengers that they'll have to talk amongst themselves. Ignore any attempts to include you in the conversation (la, la, la, can't hear you) and concentrate on your driving. Make sure no-one's sitting beside you by filling the front passenger seat with your own crap.

OP how long have you been driving?
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking I'm sorry, but you're not a good driver. I appreciate you have sold your car now but navigation and trusting other drivers (in respect of considering what they could do) are basic driving skills. I respect you for giving up your car.