Why do we feel so sad and desperate after break ups

[Crewpt]

Basically I left my partner over the weekend after he got drunk and called me names and packed my stuff and threw me out. He is texting me now trying to act all nice but unfortunately it's done. He's done this so many times and I begged and pleaded with him to quit the day drinking but he never stopped . So why do I feel sad and miss him? Logically I know I did the right thing but there's a stupid voice in my head telling me to go back.

It’s like a grieving process imo, ekr theory of grief and loss is good at explaining this. If you have been with someone for a while and you feel love for them you are bound to miss them! I missed but only for a very short while my abusive , alcoholic exh. I had been with him for years and I missed the comfort of the familiarity being with him offered. But it didn’t last long. In my experience alcoholics rarely change!

It’s a way of grieving for another dream of happy ever after crashing, that someone you thought special doesn’t think that way about you, and the time and potential opportunities last,
Least it was in my case - give yourself time to get over him and then go out there again an prove what an arse he was by letting you slip through his fingers

It's really the loss of relationship attachment and a very real grief. But much better for you in the long run. Stand firm and well done. Hes an abusive alcoholic. Perhaps read up on code pendency if you've not already read much. All the best

I think it’s the routine/habit of the person you miss more than anything else OP. When I broke up with my ex I had been planning it for ages and was so relieved it was over- still felt ‘sad’ and a bit teary for about 3 weeks, just because it’s the end of an era, change etc. Losing a big part of your life always takes a period of mourning, however small. See how you feel in a month! And good job leaving- it takes courage.

Second what people have said above. It's a sudden change of routine, plus if you were living together it's strange being on you own again. My advice is try to look on the bright side: your ex doesn't sound like a catch and you're better off without him. Don't listen to that voice telling you to go back, distract yourself with things and in time it'll shut up and you'll feel loads better. Chin up for now!

I threw my husband out (far too late) quite some time after completely falling out of love with him after finding out he had run up a huge ( to me) credit card bill all spent on himself to go out drinking etc and therefore with nothing to show for it. I'm telling you that so that you realize that I really truly didn't want to be around him any more. However even I found that I missed him sometimes. It was the routine of having someone around rather than himself, I have always been quite capable of looking after myself and he was crap at DIY anyway. So anyway I was sad. And I was lonely. And I felt like a failure. But I wasn't a failure and I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life a few years later. Give yourself a chance to be the person you are without him for a while, it will get easier, you will get a better perspective on things and then you can decide where you want to go from there. Good luck.

You miss the relationship you were supposed to have - the one you can feel like you almost had when you remember the good times and forget the bad.
You have to get used to a new routine, and new living situation.

But deep down you still know it's the right thing - keep going and in time you'll be happier and better off for it.