To have breastfed one but not do with the other?

[Wellthisunexpected]

I breastfed DS for 2 years. I had not physical issues with feeding, it came easily to me. But he would not, under any circumstances take a bottle and my milk was high lipase so didn't last well when expressed.

But despite this, I hated every second of feeding. I was touched out, never got a break (he was only ever consoled by the boob and fed every 45-90 minutes for 4 months, then every 90 until 8 months) and had nursing aversion. I think this and the lack of sleep really caused my PND.

I am expecting number 2 and have no intention of bfing this one. I may do the first few days until my milk comes in but that's it. I just don't want a situation where this one won't take a bottle. But I just feel so guilty! Seems like I'm favouring one over the other! But I know deep down that if DS had taken a bottle I'd have switched anyway. Urgh. WWYD?

Don't feel guilty. I bottle-fed my first, no really reason to do it other than I didn't want to breastfeed. I'm Currently breastfeeding my second but really because formula costs a fortune. My first is a very happy, healthy 4 year old. She is smart, independent Xghi

Of course YANBU. You'll find, as the years roll out, there will be lots of things you do with / for one and not for the other. You have to do what is best for you all, in the circumstances at the time. It does not mean they will get the same experiences, but will be fair and ewual as you do the best by both of them.

YADNBU OP. I am still breastfeeding DS (11 months) and I don't think I could do it again. I didn't find it's physically hard but mentally incredibly hard. With two to look after you don't need anything making it any harder.

Do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy, IMO.

I could not make bf'ing work with DD. Tried for 3 months but didn't produce much milk, it was tiresome and unsatisfying for both of us as she fed very slowly and I was glued to the sofa all day, and we were both so much happier when I switched to bottle! Honestly, the bf'ing felt like a barrier to us bonding, not an aid.

Struggled through 3 weeks of pain to bf DS and in the end it worked, and that was also great.

And that's why I firmly believe in mums doing whatever type of feeding feels right and comfortable to them.

If you don't want to don't. There will be a million things that you do/don't do differently.

A happy mum is better than a depressed stressed one in my book anyday.

Someone said to me that (obvs) no two babies are the same so why not see how you get on? You don't have to commit to either....see how it goes. You might find this one a breeze. Do you get anxious when you think about It? If so then remember you're starting afresh with a new baby who has never bf before. I'd say don't make any decisions because you don't have to. Take it one day at a time.

I don’t know if it’s an option for you to throw into the mix somehow, but I had to pump so DC still had breastmilk but from a bottle

Yanbu. Not wanting to is a perfectly good reason not to breastfeed.

I physically couldn’t feed my first due to complications from the delivery but now I’m pregnant with my second I have no intention of breastfeeding simply because I don’t want to. Bottle feeding worked really well with my first and that’s the method I’m happiest with. Dont feel bad if that’s what you want to do.

I introduced a bottle on day 3 and she would happily take a bottle from then on but is still bf at 17 months. So you could try that but otherwise it’s fine, it’s your choice and I your mental health is very important, baby will be fed either way

Bottle feeding is great on so many levels! You can share the feeds, your relationship can therefore remain more balanced, your baby will sleep through much better. It's a win all 'round!

I wish I had only bottle fed dd2. But I felt I ‘must’ BF. It was awful, painful, stressful and looking back it really put a dampener on the first few months.

Then, at 4 months, I got mastitis for the third time and feeding her became impossible. So we switched her to formula and all was a million times better.

Only BF if you want to. Otherwise, the baby will be fine with formula.

Your mental health is so much more important than breast feeding. Honestly it is.

Personal anecdotes are all very well but they are just going to make OP feel bad about making a decision based on her needs. A baby needs to be fed and bottle feeding is fine. A mother needs to be well.

Look after yourself OP. Give yourself permission to put yourself and your well being ahead of feeding your baby in a way that doesn’t suit you when there is a perfectly acceptable alternative available.

Thanks guys. I think I'll feed the colostrum then move to bottles. I just cannot risk another bottle refuser, I wouldn't cope.

YADNBU OP. Feed your baby how you like.

That being said it’s definitely child dependent. I’ve bf both my boys. DS1 woke every couple of hours until he was 6m and didn’t sleep through consistently until he was 1. DS2 has slept through from 12 weeks, he’s 4 months now and I find it easier whipping out a boob with a 3 year old to look after instead of faffing around washing bottles and sterilising etc.

The most important things are a well baby and a well mum. Follow whichever path leads to this and best of luck with number two!

Try mixed feeding early, At 3 weeks introduce one bottle a day. It would be a shame for this baby to miss out entirely. It can be managed

You shouldn't feel pressure to breastfeed BUT a lot of people have completely different experiences second time round some baby's latch on easy some don't etc. So i wouldn't rule it out. Just play it by ear. If after a couple of weeks you arnt enjoying it then stop.

It is fine for you to choose not to feed your baby from YOUR breast. Don't apologise.

Happy mum happy baby. I tried to breast feed my first, failed miserably so bottle fed, didn't even try with my second as thought of getting the pump out literally filled me with horror.

Formula is perfectly fine, please don't feel guilty!

You child deserves and needs a happy, well adjusted and emotionally stable mum far far more than he/she needs breast milk. Don't risk pnd for the sack of breast feeding. Just my opinion.

Confusedbeetle thing is, DS took a bottle initially but then stopped so I think "it can be managed" is very child dependent. And if this one goes the same way, what do you suggest I do? Leave for 24 hours and starve him in to submission? With DS, he took a bottle one day and then wouldn't the next, there was no slow refusal, no few days with no bottle just a sudden and definite refusal.

I appreciate all children are different but the sleep deprivation almost ended me. I was a husk of myself. With bottle feeding DH would do 2 full night shifts a week enabling me to get full nights sleep (ear plugs and a 4 storey house also help.

I've barely had 3 full nights sleep since DS was born 2.5 years ago. He was and still is, an awful sleeper. I'm not expecting a bottle to make baby sleep better, I know that isn't true, but it will allow ME to sleep better. DH and I know do alternate nights with DS and it so much fairer and I'm so much better rested.

Do what keeps you sane.

Wellthisunexpected your experience is very similar to mine. Both of mine took a bottle from about 3-9 weeks and then just stopped. Never again. It broke me. That’s why I’m so torn as to what to do with number 3.

I think do what you want, but you also don't need to make a decision now. But I will say that all babies are different and every experience is different and it could be the easiest thing in the world this time. I ff my first and bf my 2nd. Having done both, all things being equal, breastfeeding is massively easier than ff. The washing, sterilising, making up bottles, flash cooling bottles, having to pack a million things just to get out of the house, etc. is a real faff. Having done both now, I wouldn't actively choose to put myself through that if I didn't have to.

But saying that, every baby is different. My first who was formula fed was pretty high needs, constantly attached to me (just not my boobs), woke every 2 hours or so at night for a long time, didn't sleep through until she was 3.5. My 2nd who was bf was the easiest baby ever, feeds and then done, not attached to me 24/7. He didn't really like bedsharing (bedshared with my first until she was 2) and has slept in his own room from 3 months. He's pretty much slept through every night since he was 10 weeks even though he's ebf (never even had a bottle of expressed milk). He's super easy. I don't feel as touched out with him. So for me, it really had nothing to do with how I fed then, just what kind of babies they were when they popped out.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing whatever feels right for you, but until you know how things are going to go, there's no reason to make a decision now. I massively stressed about whether I would try to breastfeed the second time around and nearly didn't bother. In the end, I'm so grateful I did because it's been an absolute breeze in comparison to the first time. Ultimately, breastfeeding may end up being the easiest option, but if it isn't, there's no reason to feel guilty about not doing it either.

mindutopia yes, DS was just generally a difficult baby (sounds just like your first but with boobs too). Really hoping this one isn't. And I agree that on many levels bf is more convenient.

Absolutely do what you think will work best for you - and don't worry about it for a second.

my DS1 was similarly demanding (still having night feeds at 18 months), would not take a bottle, or anything from anyone but me, had to be taught to use a cup at 8 months because he just didn't want real food at all..

Then DS2 was a dream - slept through at a couple of months old, fed quickly, hours apart, self-weaned entirely at 8 months - never even thought of bottles because it was just so smooth - night and day difference to his big brother, so it's not always the same experience.

You seem open, which is good - so see how you feel when you get there. Perhaps you get to that first feed and just can't face it, a bottle is fine. Perhaps you see how it goes, and if it's not working, switch to bottle. Perhaps it turns out this one is easy and you never feel you need to switch to bottle.

Neither of my two have any idea how they fed, they just don't remember. The little one missed out on many morning snuggles that the big one got because he fed until he was 3.5 - different kids will always have different treatment on some things, and that's life.