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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand the fuss over attendance?

320 replies

CestLeWhy · 12/07/2018 10:21

disclaimer: I didn't go through the state schooling system in the UK, DS is in reception, so I have no experience of school quotas/ funding/ social services. I'm not trying to be goady, I'm genuinely asking.

What is the fuss about attendance? I see so many posters proudly stating their kids have 100% attendance, and that is to be celebrated as it shows they are very conscientious, but why is it such a big deal?

DS just received his reception report and got 'Exceeding' in every category and glowing praise (not even a stealth boast, I am so proud) but his attendance was below 90%. So what? He's only 5. If he's poorly, which he is often, I keep him home rather than send him in for a miserable day for him and disruption to the class. A large chunk is also accounted for as we are from a different country so I take 2-3 days off a year for him to celebrate our cultural holidays. I think it's more important for him to grow up assimilating both cultures than attend every single day. I don't want to drip feed, we had a family emergency which caused some of the days off, but even without, his attendance would have been below 95%.

I can understand lots of reasons to monitor attendance: it can be a safeguarding indicator, it's important in higher years where they learn at a very fast pace etc but I just can't understand why it's considered so important in isolation for all year groups.

Educate me, please, MN!

OP posts:
Semster · 13/07/2018 16:32

Thank goodness our schools don't count attendance against students.

Last year the entire school shut down for 6 days because of flu.

What a bunch of slackers eh?

Nje1 · 13/07/2018 16:38

I'm a primary school teacher and I don't care about pupils attendance as long as they are happy and they progress. I took my own child away for 8 months and then 4 months. The educational welfare officer wiped the floor with me as did the head teacher. But that's them doing their job and I'm doing mine as a parent! Do as you please is my advice!

NurseryFightClub · 13/07/2018 16:39

In primary school I was sent home half day for being sick, half a day in 7 years, so I didn't get 100%attendance award, 30 years later I am still bitter about it!

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 16:50

This thread appears to demonstrate that it is actually the NT (and smug parents) that are actually the ones who are self-obsessed and lacking in empathy, not the neurodiverse. Could this be classic transference?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/07/2018 16:53

KeepOn 😂

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 17:16

It's very nice of posters to say that if the child has SEN then this is a different matter, but schools and the LA don't agree. If only! These rules apply to me and my DC. So I am part of this discussion and my experiences are valid. Welcome to the hardcore. Hmm

SickOfSitting · 13/07/2018 17:47

I'm not talking about pleasing the school/ofsteds stats for punctuation and attendance, I'm talking about parents teaching their kids that being punctual and attending is important. If your child has SEN and their attendance falls below the mark then so be it, it's not about attendance numbers and stats. What's more important is you are teaching your children to have the right attitude to punctuality and attendance. It makes a massive difference in employment.

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 18:10

Schools do not say so be it if your child has SEN. Why do you think this? They refer to SS. Do you have any experience?

corythatwas · 13/07/2018 18:19

If your child has SEN and their attendance falls below the mark then so be it, it's not about attendance numbers and stats.

So how do you make this clear to your disabled child in a system where they know (because they are regularly told in assembly) that Ofsted don't distinguish or care about attitude but that all absences are equally bad for the school?

How do you make this clear to your disabled child when they know that their whole table will be penalised and miss out on a treat if they need another op at the wrong time and that their attitude and conscientiousness isn't going to make any difference?

How do you make this clear to your disabled child when the first thing they see every day as they enter reception is a HUGE board spelling out how x % absences is going to ruin their chances in life?

How do you make it clear to your disabled child when teachers and HT regularly tell them that "you can't expect people to put up with this when you get older"?

How do you make it clear to your disabled child when their school reports are full of praise for their conscientiousness and hard work and they ?

How do you make it clear to your disabled child when the HT comes out with such gems as "of course we accept that corydd is ill but you can't expect us to be happy about it?"

How do you make it clear to your disabled child when the school uses SS as a threat to try to force them not to be ill?

When the people who are in charge of them every single school day make it quite clear that they feel they have a legitimate grievance because they are ill and letting the side down?

Dd knew perfectly well that attitude and conscientiousness meant diddly squat when all the school cared about was statistics.

She is now receiving MH treatment because her extreme conscientiousness and fear of failure means she can't handle ordinary human interactions.

corythatwas · 13/07/2018 18:23

"How do you make it clear to your disabled child when their school reports are full of praise for their conscientiousness and hard work and they ?"

Apologies:

How do you make it clear to your disabled child when their school reports are full of praise for their conscientiousness and hard work and they still see their parents questioned by SS and EWOs as if they had done something wrong?

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 18:31

Cory - I understand and empathise.

Not everyone will and that is OK.

No one can avoid pain forever.

corythatwas · 13/07/2018 18:39

KeepOn, I know you get it. Because you have seen what the system looks like from the same side.

I can accept that nobody can avoid pain. I have, more or less, accepted that my dd is going to be in pain for the rest of her life. But I CANNOT ACCEPT that so much of her mental pain was completely unnecessary, inflicted on a small child by grown-ups who took out their frustration with the system on her, and that that pain is still there making her adult life difficult.

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 18:52

Cory - can't avoid pain was meant for the fuckwits - not you Smile

corythatwas · 13/07/2018 18:55

sorry, KeepOn, should have known Smile

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 19:04

We stumble through - I do 20 mins
headspace meditation every day.

Really it is crap but we dig deep to find the positive. Some days we dig really, really deep.

corythatwas · 13/07/2018 19:14

You sound great, KeepOn, and your ds is lucky to have you.

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 19:30

I'm not great. I'm hanging on by my fingernails.

But I have a voice in this debate.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 13/07/2018 19:31

cory and keepon Flowers.
Ds and dd had some of the same stuff. Fortunately they were at a school with some humanity and some excellent staff so it never got so bad (with regard to school anyway). But that is what it was fortune.

What parents of unaffected children rarely understand is that blanket policies are just NOT neutral.

All the best to your dd with her course cory Ds is at university now (though taking a couple of terms out at the moment) and dd is about to go. HE is so much kinder.

KOKOagainandagain · 13/07/2018 19:45

So maybe there may be some understanding that this policy might be bad for some kids with d-v or tonsillitis but is really bad for DC with SEN? And parents are not all bad? So empathy -maybe even solidarity?

VickyEadie · 13/07/2018 19:53

But I am amazed by one of DS's friends who has had 100% attendance throughout their seven years at primary - how can a child never ever be ill on a school day?

I wasn't - not once.

I was occasionally at secondary school, however.

DieAntword · 13/07/2018 20:05

My mum always sent me to school (month travelling notwithstanding) even if I vomited. Always said “if you’re really ill they’ll send you home”. School was primarily babysitting as far as she was concerned and even though she didn’t have a job she wasn’t going to be made to look after me all day just because I was feeling poorly.

gildashairflick · 13/07/2018 20:36

Last year my middlest child got a 100% attendance certificate. This year my youngest won't. He has been in hospital 4 times and is currently recovering from surgery that will knock him off school for the rest of the term. So 100% is an indicator of optimum health which is often down to luck.

EarlyDinn3r44 · 13/07/2018 20:42

Tragic news story today, child was taken out of school at 12 and was supposed to have been home schooled. Evidently, the child then slipped off the radar of wider society. Some people choose boarding, home, travelling and other methods of schooling. It's not just about school, it's social interaction, communication etc

Metoodear · 13/07/2018 20:44

corythatwas

Their is NO job you can just turn up when you feel and when she gets to collage and 6th form you will have a shock Igbo you fall below 80% attendance you get kicked of the course regardless of how well you are doing

ProfessorMoody · 13/07/2018 20:55

My attendance for my first degree was 62 due to illness and I got a first, so...