To ask you to help me get over something horrific I heard on the radio, I can’t stop thinking about it

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One evening last week, I was listening to a programme on Radio 4. It featured a forensic pathologist who was talking about death. I joined it halfway through and it all seemed fairly innocuous and interesting enough listening while I was pottering in the kitchen.

Without warning, the woman started talking about some work she did out in Eastern Europe around 30 years ago, following a massacre involving women and children. She went into quite some detail about what happened and the work she had to do.

It was absolutely horrifying and I have found it incredibly upsetting in the week since. At the time I didn’t cry but the following evening I had a totally uncontrollable crying episode in front of my husband Ever since, it keeps coming into my head, very visibly. I can be fine and then suddenly there it is and I feel floored and devastated. I know it sounds like I’m being dramatic but it has affected me really badly, I can’t stop thinking about it and feel upset all the time. Please can anyone recommend any way I can work through this

Srebrenica? It's the anniversary around these days iirc...

Tbh I find it quite puzzling that you lingered listening to an interview with a forensic pathologist (key was in the name here, it was bound to be rich in gory/distressing detail and not all light and fluffy) when you know you are so impressionable.

You poor thing, op

I sympathise. I have had a few similar responses to awful occurrences . Most bone shockingly though to what happened to James Bulger. That case haunts me.

lljkk this is my usual strategy. In this instance it came out of the blue before I could act. But then I think, no, I should hear these things, the various victims deserve to have their stories heard.

I felt similar after learning about the Rape of Nanking quite recently.

I read a Mo Hayder book on the same subject a few years ago. It was fiction but with much based in fact and it stayed with me for a very long time.

OP - I totally understand. If I am feeling at all emotionally vulnerable in any way I become hyper-empathetic and find anything like that very affecting.
For me what helps is actually fully researching what has upset me and tuent rationalising it. When you first hear about the act it is horrific, but with detail comes accounts of those who helped etc and it seems to help. As does doing good deeds. Which sounds really odd but to put some good out into the world can feel like a bit of a balm to counteract the sadness. Also time. You'll find in a few weeks it doesn't feel so bad. You have my sympathy though, it's not a nice thing to feel, not least because as a total outsider - often at chronological distance - one of the overwhelming feelings is helplessness. Hence I think doing a few good turns helps. Feels like you're taking action.

pastures I think it could very well be to do with Seebrenica. As far as I could tell, the programme wasn’t specifically about that, though it was about the human body and death. It was very interesting, they had a man who was an artist specialising in bodies, talking about the beauty of parts of the human body. The next part, honestly, it came out of nowhere. Maybe there had been a warning at the start, but I joined half way through.

I am old enough to decide I don't need to be informed about all the bad stuff in the world. I have limits.

lljkk yes, this whole thing has shown me where mine are. A more controlled approach to when/how I access these kinds of things would probably be very sensible.

anastasia thank you, that’s a helpful practical strategy

I heard a similar programme on Radio 4, called Between Ourselves. They would get two experts who would compare life stories. They had a programme where they interviewed two criminal pathologists. One may well have been Sue Black. The other had been working in Africa.
The absolute idiot of a presenter asked "what is the worst thing that you have dealt with?" and the absolute idiot of a producer aired the exchange. The answer still haunts me, a quarter of a century later, and can reduce me to tears.

Tbh I’d be more worried if I didnt have any reaction to this sort of stuff and the world needs more empathy, not less. I work in international development so I’m used to fairly horrific stories but I still hear certain anecdotes that make me really angry and upset. As pp said, I cope with it by focusing on the fact that the person’s suffering is over and all I can do is work to try to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

I see a few others have recognised that you're talking about Professor Sue Black. I didn't hear that exact interview but I have heard her talk about her experiences in Kosovo before. I think it might be useful to try to tap into the way she herself approaches her work, as another poster says - perhaps that will take some of the horror out of it. She is very matter of fact about death itself but her work can bring murderers to justice.

I'm like this whenever i think about the poor jews under the nazis. The suffering was horrendous. Sometimes i can't get it out of my head.

I was really distressed after reading a murder scene in the book A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. It was a few years ago and I still have to police my memories of the book carefully.

I hope you feel ok soon.

I get this. There have been twice where I have been really effected. Neither time I'm not sure if they are true stories.

One was a few years ago now, it was a poem about child abuse and the other was more recent, a story shared on Facebook. It was designed to make you think about what you are sharing and with who.

Both got to me deeply. I had to spend more than usual time in the toilets at work to pull myself together.

There is also a film that makes me shudder as it wasn't a happy ending. Its not a very well known film about human trafficking (I didn't realise what it was about at the start, that was the twist in the end of a dodgy DVD film)

I try to pull myself away from hearing the facts about real cases. I also try not to think about all the bad things in the world. Its as though I try to make believe that everything is great and no-one is mean to anyone else.

Hi OP. Sorry you have been so upset. I have felt this way too- especially when it has been deliberate harm / murder rather than an accident eg holocaust or what was done to the Bosnians or the victims of terrorism.
I suspect it is the shock that fellow humans can be barbaric & cruel. I tend to try & neutralise this by thinking of those who have shielded others during terrorist attacks in London & Paris & those who have shown bravery to rescue others eg the rescue teams inThailand or doctors, nurses & paramedics who have really cared for their patients or even just small personal kindnesses that have been shown to me or that I have read about on here. There was a lovely thread here recently about random acts of kindness. Don’t lose heart OP.
The 10% happier app sounds good.

I don't know if you can work through this OP, but with time I hope it will cease to affect you so much. I too heard the programme.

Unfortunately, some things just stick in your mind - a few years ago I was listening to Book of the Week, or something similar, and it told of an awful long-term experiment carried out on a chimpanzee back in the 60s - to this day I still think of the poor beast.

EMDR techniques might work for you. There are a few videos on Youtube. This one is my favourite She takes awhile to explain, but you can skip ahead. Hold the upsetting thoughts uppermost in your mind as you follow her finger. It sounds weird but it really does work. There are a few with no talking, just a bouncing ball and a tone which also seem to release stuck thoughts, somehow.

My friend is an EMDR and hypnotherapist, she comes across people who are traumatised (as you are) quite a lot.

EMDR is really effective. It fragments the thoughts you store in certain parts of your brain. After I had surgery one time, I could not bring myself to change the dressing which I was meant to do every day for a couple of weeks. My neighbour, who happens to be an EMDR therapist, came to the rescue. I spent 20 minutes with him, then came home and changed the dressing with no problem whatsoever!

I know the thing you're talking about OP and I had exactly the same reaction. There are also certain high profile cases from over the years, involving children, that I simply can't allow myself to think about otherwise I get so upset to the point where it affects my day to day life.

It's definitely having children that's done it.

I worry quite a lot about the children getting ill or my husband dying.

Know what?, thats perfectly normal and and shows that your a good mum and partner.

We never stop fretting re our nippers do we;!

Havent read the full thread but just wanted to add my piece...

I used to be a counsellor on a crisis line. My first shift involved a 2 hour long phone call with someone who was sitting their ready to end his life. It was incredibly intense and I cpuld picture everything that was going on in my head while on the call. My supervisor spent a lot of time debriefing me afterwards and I thank her that I wasn't traumatised. She told me that I had to actively make by brain think of something else every time the images from that call poppes in. So everytime I pictured him or thought about it, I had to visualise a stop sign and make a conscious effort to change my train of thought. If you dont consciously do it, your brain will keep re-examining the trauma. I hope this helps.

There’s some interview transcripts with Prof Black online and she talks about how she deals with her job and how things changed when she had kids. I went to an evening where she was a guest speaker, fascinating.

I felt the same after the anniversary and documentary about James bulger. My son is the same age now as he was when he died and every time he cried I couldn't stop thinking about that poor little boy

I had the same thing on a Monday at 11am programme on R4. I am sure there must have been a warning at the beginning. The upset fades. I no longer listen to the programme though as the presenters voice reminds me of what happened.

I did a dissertation on genocide. It was harrowing. I feel differently to Haverhill, I don't believe that people are fundamentally good. I believe they are fundamentally weak. I haven't helped much have I