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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you about speech problems in older kids

28 replies

Mizzle1234 · 11/07/2018 15:09

Feeling like a bit of a failure as a parent right now...advice and thoughts would be much appreciated. Have namechanged.

My lovely DS is 8 1/2. He's a sweet, kind boy who - without meaning to sound dreadfully boastful - does really well academically. Top of the class, lots of extension work, teachers love him blah blah...

However, he's always had speech issues. Very lispy as soon as he started talking, for a long time had problems with fronting - 'cat' sounded like 'tat' etc - people found it pretty difficult to understand him a lot of the time. He had a good year or so of private speech therapy when he was in reception/year 1 which fixed the fronting issue. We were told then that the other issues such as the lisp would improve with time, and ongoing therapy probably wasn't necessary.

However, the general lack of clarity in his speech has remained. He often gets very 'spitty' around his mouth and today - this broke my heart - his two best friends were taking the piss over this, and how he talks, in a fairly nasty way. DS took it in his stride, but I feel like I've failed him....

I'd actually taken him for a review session with a speech therapist a few months back and she felt he didn't need more therapy because when he concentrates he doesn't even lisp. But there clearly IS an issue - I can hear it, his mates can hear it, I've noticed he doesn't make new friends easily and I'm sure this is because other kids think he sounds babyish.

I'm at a bit of a loss at to what to do. I currently get him to read to me a lot and point it out to him when he sounds unclear. He's got a very long tongue which I think is part of the problem. Dentist say his teeth are okay. I'm contacting the therapist again but what's tricky is that he can sound perfectly clear when he tries, but when he's not focusing it goes out the window...

Anyone had a child that was similar? I really want to help him...

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 11/07/2018 15:51

My nephew was similar but he had ongoing ear issues. Are your son's ok? His speech resolved at around ten op. He's 14 now and it's absolutely fine despite being almost deaf in one ear.

Kochkor · 11/07/2018 16:01

Speech therapists are in short supply so you often have to have a high level of need to meet the criteria for ongoing NHS support. If you can afford it, look for a private speech therapist

helpwithtalking.com/Find-a--SLT

Keeptrudging · 11/07/2018 16:05

DD was the same. She was diagnosed with a moderate hearing impairment aged 12, now has hearing aids in both ears and her speech is getting much clearer. She'd had multiple inconclusive tests when she was a toddler, I'd expressed concerns to school over the years and been told she'd grow out of it.

morekidsthanhands · 11/07/2018 16:15

This thread makes me sad. My nephew is 5 in October and his speech is so poor it's a struggle and other people can't understand him. He was severely neglected and taken into care before he came to live with us and I think that's contributed massively.
He had a school inset day today and it's hard to see him struggle to make friends - he has none at nursery.
I can't offer any advice but can sympathise with you completely it's hard watching them to struggle with friendships.

Yorkshirelady · 11/07/2018 16:25

My son is 4 and has some speech issues which mean that he can often dribble and people often find it difficult to understand him. We are in the early stages of speech and language therapy (which we also pay privately for due to the shortage of NHS services) and my heart went out to you when I read your post.
I'm really pleased that your son is doing well at school, and this is really promising because it surely means that his comprehension of acedemia and those around him is strong, and that equally those around him are able to understand him too. You absolutely have not failed him! Thank goodness you had the means and the resources to obtain a private speech and language therapist when you did. You've clearly done what you can as a parent for him to give him the strongest start!
Kids say horrible things to each other and this is what I fear most for my own son, but give him time and I'm sure he'll be ok. Kids are resilient and this is demonstrated by your son's response to his friends when they mocked him. Just be there for him when he needs an outlet, let him know that he can talk to you if he's worried about anything and above all else, just continue to be a loving parent (which you clearly are.)
I'm not going to tell you not to worry, because I know it must be hard not to, but don't beat yourself up. He's obviously doing well.

Elisheva · 11/07/2018 16:32

He can be helped if he is motivated to improve his speech. It’s great if he can produce a clear sound without a lisp when concentrating, but he obviously needs help to generalise it into his everyday speech. This is a fairly straightforward process, but does take dedication and practice. If you can afford a private SALT then that might be the easiest route. The mommy speech therapy website has some useful information and resources.

Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 11/07/2018 18:25

Thanks everyone and sorry for delayed reply. I just feel like crap - I guess because he does so well academically we've been a bit in denial about the impact it can have on him socially. At school he gravitates to the same friends he's had since he was very little rather than make new ones - and to hear them today taking the piss just made me feel awful.

His hearing has been tested and is fine and yes, we are lucky we can go privately for help. Elisheva - when you say it takes dedication and practice do you mean daily exercises etc? The therapist seemed a bit thrown because when he did the review session he sounded pretty clear - it all goes out the window when he's playing though!

I suspect it's quite a complex thing and his long tongue has something to do with it. Does anyone have anything else to add? Also any London speech therapist recommendations would be very helpful.

OP posts:
bookwormnerd · 11/07/2018 18:33

My daughter had this but been corrected with speech theropy. For her it was verbal dyspraxia. It can mean sounds are not clear. Her hearing is fine. We did alot of work on mouth shapes and sounding out seperatly.

Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 11/07/2018 18:36

Thank you. I don't think it's verbal dyspraxia - surely the SALT would have picked that up by now? It seems more like an overall lack of clarity in his speech coupled with a lisp.

You know how David Bellamy talks? It's almost a bit like that...

OP posts:
Elisheva · 11/07/2018 19:00

Yes, 10 minutes practice per day is much more effective than say 30 minutes twice a week. There is a very structured, well-tested approach to resolving speech sounds which any therapist would be able to implement.

Thingsthatgo · 11/07/2018 19:07

when I was growing up myself and my siblings had speech and elocution lessons. One of my brothers had a bit of a problem, and so my mum sent us all. We read poems and did plays and some Shakespeare, I really enjoyed it and it helped my brother’s voice and my sisters lisp. Maybe something like this would help? Practise clearer speech until it becomes habit.

Elisheva · 11/07/2018 19:19

Practise clearer speech until it becomes habit.
This is exactly what you do. You practice the sound on it’s own, then with a vowel, in a word, in a sentence, in a paragraph... until it becomes a new habit.

theWarOnPeace · 11/07/2018 19:21

My son goes to regular speech therapy but for a communication disorder, as opposed to an issue with the actual forming of sounds. We’ve met so many families over the years in the waiting room. I just want you to take heart from the many stories of children who come in with lisps and stammers etc. that do overcome it with regular therapy. Their parents are devastated and in despair usually when they start, and amazed once they start improving. As you said it’s ok some of the time, when he’s concentrating, and not when he isn’t - that is really encouraging because it may be resolved by mouth exercises. I really feel for you hearing his friends making fun of him, that must have been heartbreaking to hear and I hope that he really wasn’t bothered by it. For my son I have found that being open with his friends’ parents and classmates has actually been really helpful. They’ve spoken to their children about being more sensitive and I speak to the kids when they’re over playing too. I also give my son sentences to use if he feels someone is being mean or making fun, but also try not to hold grudges against kids that say the occasional thing, as they need to have the experience sometimes in order to learn that something is unkind.

Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 11/07/2018 23:38

Thank you so much. Yes I did feel utterly heartbroken hearing his friends mention it - I'd had several people insist it wasn't really a problem and 'he'll grow out of it' etc, coupled with the fact that it never seemed to be an issue with his closest friends - that overhearing this today just confirmed the worst for me. I am trying not to resent these kids and my son did seem resilient in the face of it...but it was sooo hurtful.

I have contact the SALT again and hoping we can put a plan in place. In the meantime, if anyone has anything further to add or advice to give I'd love to hear it. The older he gets the more concerned I am - what seems like a quirk at six seems like an issue at 8, and I think if he's still like this at 10 then it could be very isolating for him indeed :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 11/07/2018 23:41

ps - elisheva - the 'very structured, well tested approach' you mention - does the method have a name? So far all I've been given is sound sheets to do...

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 11/07/2018 23:50

Low muscle tone can cause drooling OP....as can not swallowing enough which is also linked to low muscle tone.

How is he physically in general? With sports and running/jumping/bike riding?

Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 12/07/2018 06:50

Thanks. He's great at bike riding and enjoys cricket/generally very active with lots of energy. Saying that he is clumsy - very gangly and one of these kids that seems to trip over his own feet!
But fine motor skills good - handwriting/Lego/art...
If it's low muscle tone I think it's his mouth more than anything...

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 12/07/2018 06:59

Nothing useful to add Op but I do feel your pain. In fact my ds1 who is 4.7 is seeing a speech therapist again today. First saw her two years ago when he wasn't saying much at all, now he never stops talking but has an issue with pronunciation. He too says 'tat' for 'cat' etc.

I also have had years of people telling me it's not a problem. It damn well is and I am quite cross about the minimising we've had. Finally his key worker has clocked that it is not getting better, and now I'm trying to help him as he starts reception.

I hope your therapist can help. Your son sounds absolutely great though, and well done him for not taking the unkind comments to heart.

Elisheva · 12/07/2018 07:46

I don’t know that it has a name beyond speech therapy or articulation therapy. It’s explained here mommyspeechtherapy.com/?p=687
If he can speak without a lisp when he is concentrating then this is very encouraging. He just needs support to generalise his ‘new’ sounds into everyday speech. It’s not at all uncommon for children to be perfectly able to say their sounds in therapy, but to go back to their normal way of speaking after leaving. Assuming there are no underlying issues then it just takes time and practice.

IamalsoSpartacus · 12/07/2018 07:49

OP, you're not a failure! You've noticed this and want to address it.

Your post could have been about me as a child. I spoke indistinctly and very quickly, so most people couldn't understand me. (Parents thought shouting at me would help.)

As an adult I'm still self-conscious but I work in a job that requires a lot of speaking to strangers and I concentrate very hard to shape the start and end of words.

Can you give your son lots of gentle practice in speaking? As PP have mentioned, could he join a club to do drama or other speaking games? Make it fun though, not a chore.

Also, can you get him to take up an instrument that needs breath control and co-ordination of tongue and lips? Trumpet, mouth organ...then he's getting muscle tone without linking it to speaking.

Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 12/07/2018 07:50

Thanks very much Elisheva.

Itsniceitsdifferent - the speech therapy we had when my boy was your dd's age was helpful and did fix the fronting, so do persevere! I just wish we'd kept going even when that was fixed - because while he's definitely clearer year on year, his overall clarity and lisp still needs help...

OP posts:
IamalsoSpartacus · 12/07/2018 08:13

Hi Mizzle, one other thing I forgot to add - looking back, for me it was about confidence. No-one wanted to hear what I had to say so I said it really quickly. Maybe you can work on your DS's confidence?

Original poster
Mizzle1234 · 12/07/2018 10:08

Thank you all. IamalsoSpartacus - it's really good to hear your experience and also a big reminder to me that we need to continue to be sensitive towards him. I confess it can feel a bit frustrating at times when we do hear him speaking clearly when he concentrates....

OP posts:
firehousedog · 12/07/2018 10:17

My brother was the same, and my ds has had to go speech therapy too. Don't blame yourself. Its not your fault. You have done everything right. Keep taking him to speech therapy though.

firehousedog · 12/07/2018 10:20

Unfortunately kids pick up on this. I hate to say it but it definitely harmed my brothers personality. He is and has always been very shy. My boy tends to speak too fast and we just have to remind him to slow down. He has stopped speech therapy. They seemed to say he improved and that was it but i'm going to raise it again before he starts school again in September.